What do we need to do differently for Ball State?

I’ll be in my bunk.

Yes I wore my lucky iowa shirt, made the gametime phone call to my father in law, ate a live chicken. But I failed, why did I fail? Because I watched the game while I was in Chicago instead of watching it either at my house or iowa city. This is not acceptable nor will this happen again. Illinois sucked already but they pretty much cemented me never coming back there again during football season. My appoligies hawkeye nation…….this one is on me. Now the rest of you need to do your part, we all know we fucked up.

But with all the ESPN BULLSHIT with the Auburn game, I stopped it, and then forgot to go back and re-start it.

Last year I did not DVR Northwestern because I had to go to my BIL’s wedding (thanks a lot, a-hole) and I belatedly tried to call my wife from a local drinking establishment when I realized I’d forgotten to start up the DVR for the Ohio State game, but she went shopping.

So yeah, my bad.

I did just recently download the Dish Remote Access app for my iphone, so I think we’ll run the table now.

now to go back to my sugarless Bubble Yum

I wore a Badger shirt for a couple hours because I was in Tempe and was trying to be a Big Ten fan. I didn’t switch to the Drew Tate (Who’m I kidding, I LOOOOVE Ryan Donahue) jersey until it was too late. Never again will I wear a rivals logo on Saturday…

Just like I always do.
/makeswarrenzevonbeardjoke
//buysfreshcanofbarbasol

I shall razor the face every gameday.

I went to the game with my buddy who has never seen Iowa win a away game. I now hate him and myself.

I accidently knock over my Stanzi-signed football while cleaning… I heard the angels cry as it fell from its pedstal and actually touched the floor… Just like the American flag, the Stanzi signature should never touch the ground… Sorry, guys, it’s all my fault.

last week was the first time in two years I forgot to record the game, it was also the first time that i didnt get to watch the f***ing opening kickoff and unfortunetaly the first 14 points (im sure it would not have happened if I was watching)….also I told myself I was going to wait till kickoff to start drinking..wrong again…

Normally I have sex with myself in the shower first thing in the morning on Saturdays…. I got really bored by 11:00 am last Saturday… and then had sex with myself after watching a ProActive infomercial with Katy Perry around 2:30…. and then again after Shelley Smith did some sideline reporting at 4:00…. and things really got out of hand during my visit to www.lemonparty.org… I promise to only masturbate one time per gameday from now on even though that’s a lofty expecatation with a 9:30 kick off.

…I wore an Iowa shirt I had never worn before because my wife’s only Iowa shirt was in the laundry and she needed a shirt so she got my regular game day shirt because it’s smaller than the on that I burned last Sunday morning. Oh yeah, why was my wife in such need on Iowa paraphernalia you ask? Because she wanted to watch the goddamn game with me. For the first time in our lives together, she wanted to watch the goddamn game with me. Also, I let go with the hubris for a good week to anyone who wanted to know, or didn’t for that matter, about how bad the hawks were going to Molly-Wallop the piss-snot out of Arizona. Yeah, it’s my fault and I know it.

I never missed a snap. Couldn’t find the black-on-gold tigerhawk flag Saturday morning so I flew my gold-on-black tigerhawk instead. At halftime, I ripped through the garage and found the lucky aforementioned black-on-gold flag and our fortunes changed, somewhat.

Prior to the game, I was hanging out with friends who are fans/grads of Purdue, Indiana, Wisconsin, Michigan State, Michigan, and Notre Dame. What was that all about? I was also nervous about the game and didn’t bet on the Hawks even though I posted on the weekly betting thread that Iowa was a hands-down win. From now on I will have full confidence in my swagger. Finally, it got really warm in my basement during the game (probably just my blood pressure rising to never-before-seen levels b/c my wife was complaining about it being cold), so I took off my Hawkeyes sweatshirt before the game even started. Terrible, terrible judgment on my part.

it’s not MY fault? Thank you Jesus! Oh…and a quick shout out to my homey Rambler for good measure.

Proof.

To everyone’s game rituals, I must take full responsibility. Score while drinking something called “Michelob Golden Light” (wife’s beer): Arizona 27 Iowa 7. Score while drinking Miller High Life: Iowa 20 Arizona 7. I apologize.

I went in to buy fish and he was talking about the game coming up this weekend and how he was excited to watch it because he never gets to because he is always in the store. He made the mistake of letting slip that he also escaped the store for one game last year..jNW.

Though I won’t pretend that I am completely innocent, I did not watch the entire game from the friendly confines of my home, but the first half at a bar. Had I been home I could have got on ESPN3 to watch those dreaded first couple drives and the tides would have been changed. I apologize Hawkeye Nation.

I “followed” the game on the Internet and posted on here but I had taken off my black Kinnick shirt after a shower and was lounging around in a 5K race tshirt. Never again. Iowa gear ON during the game… its not like I don’t have enough of it…

The truth is the blame lies solely on me. I wore red Addidas shorts with blue strips while mowing the yard last Saturday. It wasn’t until I took them off that I realized I had worn the opposing team’s colors on the day of the game. Damn me to hell for such stupidity! I properly disposed of those fucking shorts by dousing them in gasoline and burning them to a crisp.

It’s pretty obvious, that the loss rests solely on my shoulders!

to a road game for only the second time.

The first time: October 2007 Purdue 31 Iowa 6

Nothing but white jerseys for the remaining road games.

It will stay that way all year.

Just doing my part.

I bet he’s not so omnipotent that he could turn A-Rob into a 1500 yd rusher. Just try, AIRBHG, just try…

(crosses fingers, hopes AIRBHG is a 6 year old diety)

At halftime, I turned the game off and took him upstairs to suck on my wife’s nipples. As I laid him in my wife’s arms, I secretly wondered to myself if we had just given birth to AIRBHG. I’m a bit scared.

Or, rather, the fault of my friends and I. You see, I went to watch the game with the other HMB trumpets (I am an HMB trumpet player). That was a huge mistake. Every time the trumpets get together to watch a game, we lose. Simple as that.

Also, this was one of only two games that I did not watch on my own TV or in the actual stadium in the past two years. The other one? Ohio State. I watched it in a bar.

Of course, none of the above explains the loss to jNWU last year. I’m still trying to explain it, but when I am able to, I’ll take the blame for that as well.

I got married on Saturday nite. Wifey thought it would be fun to get married on a gameday. I should have put my foot down. Sorry to let everyone down.

I wore my older gold shirt because we were to wear gold to the stadium. I thought this team was stronger than my supersitions. I was clearly wrong. Back in black, forevermore!

I wore my older gold shirt because we were to wear gold to the stadium. I thought this team was stronger than my supersitions. I was clearly wrong. Back in black, forevermore!

Suck it.

She was awake for every other game of her life, but she decided to go to bed for hte Arizona game. In my heart, I believe she wanted us to lose.

He was supposed to come over to watch the game but didn’t show up until kickoff for the second half. Then, after the Binns TD, he decides he’s too tired and needs to go home.

I will no longer watch the first 20 minutes of any ESPN event for the rest of the college FB season (unless the Hawks are on)

I have been in an almost week long funk since the game. Worst of all…I started to question whether this team is any good or not. How stupid could I have been…thinking it was their fault when I made such transgressions as the following:

1.) I didn’t even have a good buzz until halftime and the bar I was at had an all-you-can-drink special going on. To make matters worse…when I got there I ordered food specifically for the purpose of not getting too drunk. To top it all off…once I finally started doing shots and just getting flat our wasted…we started scoring again. Then after the Binns TD…I sat down and attempted to focus all my energy on concentrating on the game. What the fuck was I thinking…never again.

2.) I didn’t wear my holy underwear…clearly AIRBHAG noticed.

I take full blame, I didn’t perform, made stupid mistakes and lost my swagger, but I want to say something…

(teary eyed) I’M SORRY, EXTREMELY SORRY, WE WERE HOPING FOR AN UNDEFEATED SEASON, THAT WAS MY GOAL, ITS SOMETHING IOWAS NEVER DONE HERE, BUT I PROMISE YOU ONE THING, A LOT OF GOOD WILL COME OUT OF THIS, YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN ANY FAN, IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY, CHEER AS HARD AS I WILL FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON AND YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE PUSH THE REST OF THE FANS AS HARD AS I WILL PUSH EVERYBODY THE REST SEASON, AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE A FAN BASE CHEER AS HARD AS WE WILL FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON – GOD BLESS. (wipes eye, walks away)

I bought a new hawkeye shirt and had it on at kickoff. When it was 14-0, I knew it was because I didn’t have on my old reliable luck shirt. I changed shirts, boom, 7 pts. Never again will I doubt thee, old faithful.

Gah.

In the past ten years, I have bet money with a bookie a grand total of four times.

First time – Iowa/Iowa State 2002
Second time – Iowa/Arizona State 2004
Third time – USC/Minnesota 2010
Fourth time – Iowa/Arizona 2010

I wish I was kidding. I swear on my remaining good eye I will never bet money on college football again.

The word is FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT for swagger! Let every loyal StoopsMyAss sing! We’re gonna SWAG SWAG SWAG all over you! Until the walls and rafters ring (With swag!)! Come on and SWAG SWAG SWAG it up! We’re gonna SWAG SWAG SWAG for Iowa! Until the game is won!

I didn’t wear my game day underwear until the second half, when we outscored them 20-7.

SFA had an away game at UNI, so I wore my SFA shirt all day. I put my Iowa Jersey on over it for gametime, thus diluting the power of the Jersey. While SFA won and jumped to #6 in the polls, they robbed the Juju from the Jersey that the Hawkeyes needed. I will never wear anything other than a Hawkeye T under my Jersey again.

Also I forgot to wear my Iowa boxers the Friday before the game, so I ended up double jinxing the team. Sorry about that fans, it will never happen again.

That we are one messed bunch of mofos…

It was me. It was all me! First of all, I wore Iowa socks OVER my lucky green socks. Stupid woman. Second, I watched the game in PAC-10 territory – California – and not in my usual watering hole on THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY. Dammit. The final blow was running into a fellow Iowa grad at a winery in Napa on Saturday who actually said, “It’s in the bag. Total blow out.” What did I then fail to do? What? Nix the jinx caused by his remark. Stupid delicious wine that clouded my judgment. Oh the humanity of it all.

We all fucked up. First, me. I christened my FOTP shirt and spent all day getting shitty at BrewFest, spreading the word of BHGP to the drunken masses. Obviously I put my fandom of this blog ahead of my team. I’m truly sorry. At halftime I put on the Iowa wrestling t-shirt, ’nuff said.

On to that bitch in Berkeley. Last year she went to one game, jNW, and tainted all of Kinnick with her Husker fandom (although with a PhD form Iowa and a bachelor’s from UN-O, Iowa is her #2 team). She went to a watch site in Berkeley for the game, obvious fail. She’s not allowed to watch Iowa at that place again.

My roommate and her boyfriend brought their drunk asses home right at kickoff and were loud and annoying. They wanted to talk and they were distracting me from sending my full attention to the game on ESPN3. I was so distracted and upset, that it obviously contributed to the overall lack of focus on the field during the first few minutes of the game.

I am sorry, and I will be doling out punishments this week and in December when I head to Berkeley for an end of the semester bender.

I was wearing my lucky Kinnick Stadium t-shirt that saw us through all those comebacks and late game heroics last year. At halftime, I switched to my Drew Tate Big Game Jersey (DTBGJ). You see, the first time ever that I wore DTBGJ was for the Capitol One Bowl – yes, THAT Capitol One Bowl. So while I thought I was bringing out the big game mojo, in fact, I was messing with a tried and true formula for success. It’s on me.

OTOH, we could just all be quivering masses of neuroses.

Nah…….

I just called my great-aunt, Matilda, who lives in Muncie and told her we are gonna kick her team’s ass and then we’re coming for her. Screw family ties and her dementia; her ass is mine. Fuck her we’re Iowa.

It the first game i have ever watched on t.v. in my house here.

totally my fault.

I screw up the HTML thing and angels die, and babies cry, and Iowa loses to Arizona, and Jewell Hampton is struck down again.

I will be back in the second holiest land for two months, Sports Column West. I’m pretty sure our winning percentage is .943 when I"m there so we should be 7-0 the next 8 weeks counting the bye.

HFMR, does anyone still watch games there or is it a fresh new crop of iowa fans? I’m getting conflicting reports.

Go Hawks or AIRBHG

I made the mistake of inviting my brother and sister-in-law for the weekend and only discovered during the second quarter (see the tie in?) that even though they both graduated from Iowa, neither of them was a Hawkeye football fan – FUCK!!!!!! I’m so stupid, what was I thinking? As a result, I plan to actually sit in my actual seats this Saturday at Kinnick for the Scrotum State game. Sorry…sorry….really….sorry….really….

I watched the game at an Iowa alumni game watch in MN. By the time I left the hole was too deep already. It’s either at home or at Kinnick. There’s no other way.

So, I decided to refrain from anything Iowa football related (even BHGP) for as long as I could. Hopefully, the hiatus will infuse any kind of luck this team needs.

I’ve been single for seven years by choice. But now I like this girl, and she seems to like me. So I stay at our mutual friends’ birthday party til about 10:15, the idea being I’ve got the game DVR-ing, so I’ll stay with her at the party longer and just start late and catch up by the second half by fastforwarding during commercials and between plays and whatnot.

Predictably, I get home and the goddamn DVR didn’t record (FUCK YOU DECORAH MEDIACOM, AND YOUR HILLBILLY DVR THAT IS MADE OF SOME PIECE OF SHIT PROCESSOR AND AN EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE, I SHIT YOU GUYS NOT) so I turn on the TV, it’s Hawks down 0-14. My mojo was off the rest of the game. Even the comeback felt wrong.

Now, I went back out and met the party at the bar, brought the girl home, we’re going out for dinner this weekend. So here’s the real question: Did I buy a relationship with the precious, precious currency of a Hawkeye victory? And if so, can I ever forgive myself?

and I equally enjoyed the black and gold pissing contest throughout the comments section.

now it’s my turn to urinate: to the game I wore my white Iowa #29 Iowa jersey, for the first time since…oh… 2004.

#29? 2004? yep, that year. that player.

AIRBHG mocks us all.

I could not get my proper game rituals going

I read this and I was trying REALLY HARD to come up with where I went wrong (which I clearly did, considering the outcome). Finally I figured out how I totally fucked our team and I owe everyone an apology…
This was so confusing because I had never attended an away game that Iowa lost. But then I realized that for all those other games, I made the trip (at a minimum) the night before the game. For this game, however, we flew down the day of the game. To make matters worse, for every other away game, I had gotten black-out drunk the night before the game…I didn’t even have a single drink last Friday. DAMN IT!
Don’t worry though, I will never attend another away game after a sober Friday.

Usually I watch the games at Spo Co Denver. Last week, however, I was in Vegas for a bachelor party. I did go to MacMullans (Iowa Alum Bar), BUT I was with 2 U of A fans, and 1 ASU FAN…who I let wear one of my Iowa shirts because he was rooting agasint the Wildcats. I too, did not start drinking until about 20 minutes before kickoff (I suck at Vegas, apparently). So, almost all of the game that I watched with my own eyes, we played like asscrabs. Then we left to go to a gentlemens club, and I missed the Binns interception. Caught the last few minutes of the game, but by that time, the momentum was gone and bada bing! a bunch of sacks. How could this NOT be my fault?

…a bathed afterward to get the scratchy hair-bits off me. I never bathe on gameday until AFTER the game, and losing the beard had a Samson effect.

The good news is that I’m a hairy sunuvabitch and if we can get through State College of Gonad, and past Penn State (a tough game to be sure), then by the time we enter Ann Arbor (Such a whore, letting that many fans in all at once- – wait, how many cups would that be?) I should be back to full Clayborn and we won’t lose another game this season.

First off, there was an Iowa State fan over, with an Iowa State T-Shirt..not such a big deal right? I mean I live in Des Moines so not a huge surprise. Later I find out the kid is a curse for every Iowa game he watches with my normal group of "let’s get drunk and watch football " guys The second he leaves, Iowa turns the shit show around and ties the ball game…(he’s never coming back again)

Second..I have wonderful DIRECTV, and I think I missed about every other play due to the rain. That is not acceptable. (Mediacom comes out to set me up this Tuesday)

Third…ESPN decided it was more important to run interviews then watch the first 5 mins of the game…well i disagree, along with many of you apparently!

I drank exceptionally heavy before the game, Brew Ha-Ha was going on. I used the shitter in my Hawkeye Throne room before the game. I wore Iowa gear for the game, home made t-shirts that say “swagger” (I even made one for a fellow Hawk fan). I drank immediately before the game during the ESPN SEC lovefest, cursing ESPN. I cheered and drank more during the game when I was supposed to. I always watch the game with somebody else, so I high-fived everybody after anything good happened and I “super cheered” like a drunken bastard during the second half (and even managed to send my hearing aid flying across the room). I never lost hope the Hawks would pull off the win, even on the very last play of the game.

So what was it? I solely blame ESPN and the fact that my fellow Hawks fans couldn’t get their mojo on.

FUCK ESPN!

I still got my swagger, do you?

I ran 2.5 miles this morning, then rode my bike 25 miles with my Hawkeye bike jersey on. I’m sore, I’m exhausted, I guess all I can do now is drink heavily until the game starts.