Delany Solves Big Ten Divisions Problem, Relocates State College, PA To Nebraska
by Close Shave America on Aug 29, 2010 1:30 PM CDT
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PrintChicago, IL - In a stunning move, Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany today announced he had solved the problem of aligning teams into divisions for the 2011 season. His answer? Using giant cranes and hot air balloons to uproot the town of State College, Pennsylvania, and relocate it 30 miles northwest of Omaha.
"We realized the best answer was a geographic East-West split, which would preserve many of our conference's historic rivalries," Delany said during a phone interview Sunday. "But since we also wanted to maintain competitive balance, it only made sense to move State College to a more convenient location."
Artist's Rendering
Following the conclusion of Penn State's football season, a crew of 700 workers will begin carving up the campus and readying sections to be airlifted 1,060 miles west, where it will be re-assembled near the town of Fremont, Neb.
"Those guys at Penn State have been complaining forever about not having a geographic conference rival," Delany added. "Well, now they'll have a great one in Nebraska!"
When questioned, Delany denied rubbing his hands together and muttering, "Money money money..."
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I was reading that and thinking...
Are they going to put it in Fremont? What about the stink from Hormel?
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Aug 29, 2010 1:57 PM CDT reply actions
Hormel will be the next BTN sponsor.
America, you're looking good: handsome, free and tall.
by Close Shave America on Aug 29, 2010 2:10 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't know...
Will JoePa survive the move?
If Jesus believed himself to be real, he was a Christian AND a Jew. Your bumper sticker is now invalid.
Of course he does. They already made a movie about it.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Aug 30, 2010 10:00 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
The old man in Up...
…is obviously not JoePa. That guy’s dog required an intricate collar to speak English. JoePa can speak to dogs in their own language.
If Jesus believed himself to be real, he was a Christian AND a Jew. Your bumper sticker is now invalid.
JoePa says dogs speak Spanish.
Turn your crank to Frank!
by ReadingRambler on Aug 30, 2010 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions
So he probably wouldn't talk to them then.
Filthy Spaniards and all, right?
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Aug 30, 2010 3:18 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes, that was the insinuation.
"Trouble is; I want that fourth carrier!"
by ReadingRambler on Aug 31, 2010 8:38 AM CDT up reply actions
No one expects the Spanish insinuation!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Sep 3, 2010 9:23 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Probably.
"Trouble is; I want that fourth carrier!"
by ReadingRambler on Aug 31, 2010 8:39 AM CDT up reply actions
Hey...
JoePa is JoePa, goddamnit! No half-baked moving picture actor is going to lay claim to that which is JoePa’s!
If Jesus believed himself to be real, he was a Christian AND a Jew. Your bumper sticker is now invalid.
JoePa is JoePa. Deal with it.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Aug 31, 2010 8:03 PM CDT up reply actions
And Iowa is Iowa, dammit!
DEAL WITH IT.
Still waiting on that bumper sticker.
You see what I did there? Yeeeaaaaaahhhh.
Except where Pitt is involved, right?
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Correct.
Leave the Iowa States of the world to you guys.
Turn your crank to Frank!
by ReadingRambler on Aug 30, 2010 11:03 AM CDT up reply actions
They nearly were.
Those bastards in Austin prevented that.
by The Mexican't on Aug 30, 2010 4:57 PM CDT up reply actions
It should make getting to State College a whole lot easier.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Actually
The mountains around State College will transform into the mountains of Mordor.
About time I say.
"Trouble is; I want that fourth carrier!"
by ReadingRambler on Sep 1, 2010 9:48 AM CDT up reply actions
Problem solved.
Bloggin' at joepasdoghouse.com
by Cairo on Sep 1, 2010 10:05 AM CDT reply actions 11 recs
I like it
We’re just a PCH cruise from Pasadena now. And NU and Minny have drifted into the ocean. That’s a shame.
"we're the only team in the state, as far as I know."
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Sep 1, 2010 10:12 AM CDT up reply actions
Yay, I get to rec this post twice!
"Trouble is; I want that fourth carrier!"
by ReadingRambler on Sep 1, 2010 11:27 AM CDT up reply actions
Fantastic!
That is simply superb! Way to think outside the box!
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
by EnergizerHawk on Sep 1, 2010 11:47 AM CDT up reply actions
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