FanPost

Delany Solves Big Ten Divisions Problem, Relocates State College, PA To Nebraska

Chicago, IL - In a stunning move, Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany today announced he had solved the problem of aligning teams into divisions for the 2011 season. His answer? Using giant cranes and hot air balloons to uproot the town of State College, Pennsylvania, and relocate it 30 miles northwest of Omaha.

"We realized the best answer was a geographic East-West split, which would preserve many of our conference's historic rivalries," Delany said during a phone interview Sunday. "But since we also wanted to maintain competitive balance, it only made sense to move State College to a more convenient location."

Airlift_medium

Artist's Rendering

Following the conclusion of Penn State's football season, a crew of 700 workers will begin carving up the campus and readying sections to be airlifted 1,060 miles west, where it will be re-assembled near the town of Fremont, Neb.

"Those guys at Penn State have been complaining forever about not having a geographic conference rival," Delany added. "Well, now they'll have a great one in Nebraska!"

When questioned, Delany denied rubbing his hands together and muttering, "Money money money..."

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

SB Nation Featured Video
X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker