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It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It Would Like to Thank the Academy

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The (Falcon) Red Carpet.  The ESPY Awards are a vapid, meaningless event -- nominating Brett Favre for the CASTROL EDGE PERFORMANCE UNDER PRESSURE AWARD for his performance in a regular season game that just so happened to be on ESPN says more about The Worldwide Leader than anything not named Chris Berman's Hawaiian shirt -- but we usually make time for the Arthur Ashe Courage Award, given to dignitaries and luminaries from the sports community for their personal courage and charitable works within their community.  Past winners include Nelson Mandela, Muhammed Ali, Pat Tillman, and Jim Valvano.  Which is why we'll be tuning in tonight, ever so briefly, when ESPN honors the family of slain Aplington-Parkersburg head coach Ed Thomas with the Arthur Ashe Courage Award.  There's nothing we can say about the former coach that hasn't already been said, so we'll save the summary.  Suffice it to say, for the tornado recovery and for everything else he and his family did both before and after to help those kids, that school, and those towns, it's well deserved.

Why Don't You Cry About it, Saddlebags?  There was plenty of fluff journalism coming out of last week's pseudo-Media Day, such as the aforementioned Riley Reiff bio and this piece on Ricky Stanzi which details his work in the film room OH WAIT WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Then there is the matter of Stanzi, who, with an 18-4 record under center over the past two seasons, should be considered a proven strength, but who is approaching his last year like he has much left to prove.

In casual conversation, the 6-foot-4, 230-pounder from Mentor, Ohio, exudes confidence and a sense of command that Vandervelde and his teammates can feed on.

Ricky's spent the offseason frequenting the Sizzler, apparently, and not a moment too soon; the knock on the incumbent Iowa quarterback has always been his less-than-formidable size (well, that and the STANZIBALLS).  At 230 lbs., Stanzi is suddenly no longer the skinny kid behind center, and that film work should help with the other problem that shall not be repeated.  I, for one, welcome our new normal-sized overlord.

Star-divide

Residents of Ames, Hide Your Laptops.  Royce White: Former Minnesota Golden Gopher, convicted thief, and newly-minted Iowa State Cyclone, as new coach Fred Hoiberg has agreed to allow White to transfer to Ames.  For those of you who don't follow Gopher hoops, White was a consensus top 50 player out of high school in 2009, but was suspended before his first season could even begin due to an arrest for shoplifting and assault at the Mall of America.  He later pleaded guilty to trespassing in connection with the theft of a laptop from a UM dorm room, and that was it for his time in St. Paul.  Hoiberg apparently doesn't mind:

"I am aware of Royce’s situation at Minnesota," Iowa State head coach Fred Hoiberg said in the statement. "I have talked with a lot of people who are close to him, spoken with Royce in person multiple times and feel he is sincerely committed to meeting the expectations we have for our players. On one of his campus visits, Royce also met with institutional staff both inside and outside of the athletics department and he left very positive impressions on everyone."

Hoiberg has good reason to think White can keep his nose clean at Iowa State; they don't have malls for him to pillage, and it's tougher than you think to steal a farm animal from an ISU dorm.  In any case, by playing for both Minnesota and Iowa State, Royce White moves up to #3 on the BHGP Terrorist Watch List behind Osama bin Laden and Pat Fitzgerald.

CHILLWAVEZ:

 

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Don't have malls??

I was a proud employee of North Grand Mall, thank you. the Jimmy John’s there is delightful.

by mattbednar on Jul 14, 2010 11:08 AM CDT reply actions  

Regarding the Ameristanzi's weight

and the Caring is Creepy corollary, he apparently was generously listed at 230 last summer:

http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2009/8/17/992585/stanzi-to-230

by txhawkeye on Jul 14, 2010 11:12 AM CDT reply actions  

Does anyone know what that weight consists of?

Is it muscle weight?

Or is it all Hy-Vee Chinese weight?

MMMMMM….Hy-Vee Chinese… Excuse me, I have to go to lunch.

A Voice From Kinnick - A Hawkeye Blog

by mikjones24 on Jul 14, 2010 11:17 AM CDT reply actions  

Oddly enough, Stanzi utilized a mentor to achieve this goal.

Which worked out well, as Brennan Cougill is apparently being proactive in regaining his academic eligibility through said mentorship program.

“Let’s make that TWO Triple Fudge Volcanoes, please.”

"Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad." - The Waco Kid

by HawkOnRails on Jul 14, 2010 4:42 PM CDT up reply actions  

Institutional staff?

So does that mean they already introduced him to Story Co. Sheriff’s deputies, Ames cops, ISU cops, and jail staff?

Also, is it wrong to hope he gets in trouble just to troll the Register comment threads throwing the thug label in ISU posters’ faces?

by PackerHawk on Jul 14, 2010 11:32 AM CDT via mobile reply actions  

I think it’s the pâté


"Kittens give Morbo gas."

by Bucketochicken on Jul 14, 2010 11:38 AM CDT reply actions  

Ugh...
ESPN’s Thursday night series and studio coverage
Rece Davis, who will continue to anchor ESPN’s daylong Saturday studio coverage with analysts Lou Holtz and Mark May, will assume play-by-play responsibilities for ESPN’s popular weekly Thursday night ESPN College Football Primetime game series. He will join returning analysts Craig James and Jesse Palmer. Jenn Brown will join the Thursday team as the sideline reporter.

…do we need another reason to blow up Thursdays?

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 14, 2010 11:51 AM CDT reply actions  

Take out Thursdays and you take out...

…Rece Davis, Lou Holtz, Mark May, Craig James, and Jesse Palmer (I don’t know who Jenn Brown is, but if she’s been around some of the douches listed before her, then she can’t be good).
Also, Friday gets here one day faster.

Now, how do I blow one day a week off the calendar?

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jul 14, 2010 11:54 AM CDT up reply actions  

I beg you...

do a GIS for Jenn Brown. Yummy.

Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.

by EnergizerHawk on Jul 14, 2010 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions  

Damn

She’s hotter than Erin Andrews.

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on Jul 14, 2010 1:04 PM CDT up reply actions  

Think so?

Since joining the Big Ten, Penn State has a record of 103-2 in games where they score 30 points or more. Of course, which college football team doesn't have a similar record.

by jtothep on Jul 14, 2010 4:03 PM CDT up reply actions  

Yeah, she's pretty, but...

It’s still a football game, and they can’t just keep the cameras on her for three hours. So they’ll show the actual game and have Rece Davis, Stalker Dad, and the Florida Douche “explaining” what’s happening. I guess you could watch it on mute while getting drunk and/or high and downloading hot pictures from the internet?

"In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic!" - Homer Simpson

by EastLosRandy on Jul 16, 2010 11:12 AM CDT up reply actions  

I don't know which is hotter

But I know I would like to be the filling in a hot blond sideline reporter sandwich. I am pretty sure I could die happy.

by shada's revenge on Jul 14, 2010 10:31 PM CDT up reply actions  

I like Mark May

If for no other reason than his contentious relationship with Holtz. He seems to be the only person at ESPN willing to tell Lou that his shit stinks. I like him for that.

Jesse Palmer is just good eye candy.

by PackerHawk on Jul 15, 2010 7:13 AM CDT up reply actions  

Jesse Palmer annoys me with everything he says and does.

Its the smirk, the hair and that everything he says is a total suck. He is no Herbie.

by HawkeyeRecon on Jul 15, 2010 12:51 PM CDT up reply actions  

I never understood

why so many have beef with Lou Holtz.

speaking of beef, Jen Brown / Erin Andrews. I can’t wait for the day when the weather gets reported by ass naked females such as those.

by KentuckyThunderPussy on Jul 15, 2010 12:11 AM CDT up reply actions  

I'll list my reasons

He’s a crook. He leaves programs a few steps ahead of sanctions. He did it to varying degrees at Minnesota, ND, and South Carolina. And yet people worship him as a great coach.

His stupid pep talks on ESPN are ludicrous and there’s only so much sufferin’ sucotash I can take. I’m not mocking his speech problems, but I think you should have good annunciation to be on TV.

He’s a total Domer Homer. He hasn’t been there in almost 20 years and yet he hops behind the driver’s seat of the ND hype machine and pushes it nationwide at every chance.

He went to Iowa, and that irritates me. Although after the Indiana game last year he did actually admit to doing graduate work here in the 1960s. That’s the first time I’ve ever heard of him doing that.

by PackerHawk on Jul 15, 2010 7:12 AM CDT up reply actions  

Disagree

I think Lou Holtz is a great guy and, if nothing else, highly entertaining.

by Duez I say on Jul 15, 2010 7:59 AM CDT up reply actions  

He asked for reasons, I gave them.

Do you disagree with the crook label and the sanctions? Because that’s typical Holtz apologists who like to think NCAA sanctions don’t happen when it’s to a coach they like.

The pep talk issue is obviously a matter of debate and personal opinion.

If you disagree with him being a Domer Homer, I will defend that issue to the bitter end.

by PackerHawk on Jul 15, 2010 10:01 AM CDT up reply actions  

I agree with PackerHawk

Although I don’t know enough about the “crooked” allegations. But Holtz’s pep talks have been clinically proven to kill more brain cells than chugging Everclear.

The #1 problem with Lou Holtz is his Domer Homerism. (Domerism?) The speech impediment doesn’t bother me, it’s the content of his comments. His job at the WWL is to cater to ND’s national fan base, who think whatever is happening in South Bend is top news in the world of CFB no matter how mediocre or irrelevant the Ethnic Stereotypes are on the field of play. Whereas Mark May and Jesse Palmer, of course, are there for the U$C and Florida bandwagoners.

The only two people associated with that outfit that actually seem to think that their jobs involve giving reliable information about the game are Herbstreit and Rittenberg.

"In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic!" - Homer Simpson

by EastLosRandy on Jul 16, 2010 11:39 AM CDT up reply actions  

It's "enunciation"

If you’re going to criticize someone for being stupid, please run spell check first.

Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.

by Patrick Vint on Jul 15, 2010 10:55 AM CDT up reply actions  

Sorry, no spell check on this shitty work computer.

But you don’t have to be able to spell to talk. If I spoke it, you wouldn’t have known I didn’t know how to spell before my second cup of coffee.

by PackerHawk on Jul 15, 2010 12:37 PM CDT up reply actions  

Good lord, dude.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jul 15, 2010 10:57 AM CDT up reply actions  

Here's some waaaaay off-topic stuff for you.

Vanderbilt’s football coach is going to quit.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=5379454

I think it’s too bad, as I always tended to think somewhat positively of him. On the other hand, he did go 2-10 last year, including a loss to Army.

Also, they said he was currently the second-longest tenured coach in the SEC. I can only guess that Mark Richt is the dean of the SEC. And the weird thing is, Richt really doesn’t seem like he’s been there all that long.

Anyone have an opinion?

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 14, 2010 12:19 PM CDT reply actions  

The reason

must have something to do with ESSSS EEEEE CEEEE SPEEEED!

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Jul 14, 2010 12:48 PM CDT up reply actions  

My gut reactions aren't good

I don’t think it’s Frank Solich galavanting around town with a cheerleader type things. My mind went to personal health issues, which I hope it isn’t. Maybe he just wanted to show Urban Meyer how to handle burnout with class.

by PackerHawk on Jul 15, 2010 7:22 AM CDT up reply actions  

That presumes Urban Meyer would recognize what class is in coaching. Here’s hoping there’s plenty of cause for reflux on the sidelines in Gainesville this year.

by txhawkeye on Jul 15, 2010 10:09 AM CDT up reply actions  

The comments

for the guide to Nebraska fans are fun. Nothing says missing the point like a Nebraska fan proving they’re a better fan by posting all the championships they’ve won

It never gets to be easy

by chitownhawkeye on Jul 14, 2010 5:10 PM CDT reply actions  

I enjoyed that as well

Shoving their 16 championships in everyone’s face, nearly half of which came from bowling.

I was tempted to say something about 23 titles in wrestling alone and see if that puts us on their level, but then realized there’s no way we could ever top “the greatest fans ever” or whatever they have decided to call themselves.

by Hank Thrasher on Jul 15, 2010 11:24 AM CDT up reply actions  

on Stanzi and road trips

Yesterday I was within radio distance of Branson, Missouri and I heard an ad for “the largest Golden Corral in the world” which is (not surprisingly) in Branson. From now on whenever I will hear of players bulking up in the offseason I’ll imagine them eating a mound of roast beef next to long table of retirees just off the stagecoach bus.

Also, I just got my confirmation for tickets to the PSU-Iowa game. It will be my first road trip to Iowa City. I will also have two ISU grad Hawkeye fans in tow with me. YOU’RE WELCOME.

by Cairo on Jul 15, 2010 7:40 AM CDT via mobile reply actions  

MOST Iowa fans are actually pretty good people. Please keep that in mind if someone is an assclown.

by txhawkeye on Jul 15, 2010 10:11 AM CDT up reply actions  

Stanzi's

extra weight…it’s not gonna slow him down is it? He may not be a scrambling type QB, but he might need to do more if the pocket starts collapsing and the opposing D-line comes after his ankles again…

by edr247 on Jul 15, 2010 9:49 AM CDT reply actions  

The weight

Stanzi has put on should do nothing but benefit him. It’s not like hes put on a few pounds from eating chips and sitting on the couch all day…He’s gotten stronger, put on muscle mass, and therefore should not be any slower than he was before, and could possibly even be a step or two quicker.

by United We Stanzi on Jul 15, 2010 10:55 AM CDT up reply actions  

Oh

And with regard to the ESPYs… didn’t watch much, but for me the only good part of the show seemed to be the Arthur Ashe award for Ed Thomas (and the Thomas family). Great piece.

I know people like funny award shows, and maybe it was a slow sports year, but I would have liked them to focus more on sports and less on comedy and entertainment. But that’s just me…

by edr247 on Jul 15, 2010 10:50 AM CDT reply actions  

I agree.

I feel like Seth Meyers was trying way too hard at some points last night. I don’t know, it just seemed akward at points. Sure, some of the things he said were funny and sports related, but I feel where you are coming from with the comedy part.

by United We Stanzi on Jul 15, 2010 10:56 AM CDT up reply actions  

The opening segment

I thought was pretty good and it got some laughs out of me, but all of the little sketches between awards were pretty stupid. The Ed Thomas piece was great and nearly had me in tears and I was glad to see UNI win Best Upset, but between the poor attempts at comedy and that singer with crazy-ass hair I had enough and had to turn it off.

by Hank Thrasher on Jul 15, 2010 11:33 AM CDT up reply actions  

that singer with crazy-ass hair…

Yeah, but you have to admit, it was nice to see Morris Day and the Time getting gigs again.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Jul 15, 2010 1:21 PM CDT up reply actions  

Oh-wee-oh-wee-oh!

I think I wanna know ya.

Actually, I just googled the lyrics of that song and found them somewhat disturbing. Maybe that’s why he was Prince’s nemesis in Purple Rain?

"In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic!" - Homer Simpson

by EastLosRandy on Jul 16, 2010 11:04 AM CDT up reply actions  

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