It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It Enjoys The Cupcakes

In deference to the Hawkeyes, winning in Des Moines is hardly easy: If you were interested in a good corollary for Fran McCaffery, early money is decent on Bill Snyder. That's because, according to early reports, the Hawkeyes had better be ready to start winning early, because they are facing a non-con schedule that literally every D-I coach would consider soft. To boot, all of the true road games are bolded.

Nov. 7 — University of Illinois-Springfield (exhibition)

Nov. 14 — South Dakota State

Nov. 16 — Louisiana-Monroe

Nov. 19-22 — Paradise Jam, U.S. Virgin Islands

Nov. 26 — Southern Illinois-Edwardsville

Nov. 30 — at Wake Forest (ACC-Big Ten Challenge)

Dec. 4 — Idaho State

Dec. 7 — Northern Iowa

Dec. 10 — Iowa State

Dec. 18 — at Drake

Dec. 21 — Louisiana Tech

Yeah, not good. But nobody's expecting Iowa to make the tourney next season. So even if they run their way to .500 and get to the NIT, the story isn't that Iowa did so by playing cake every week, it's that Iowa is A) improving against all odds en route to the tourney, and B) for the kids. We're pretty sure the ODB taught us that. 

Four years of heaven is better than three years of heaven: Kyle Calloway, who seemed like an NFL Draft afterthought by the time he went in the 7th round to the Buffalo Bills, just signed a four-year deal with the Bills today. FOUR. YEARS. For a seventh-rounder! We don't know if there's a cent guaranteed after the first year, but c'mon. Four years!

While Calloway was shoved over to guard for the Orange Bowl in anticipation for terrordemon Derrick Morgan (who, for the record, accomplished nothing against Bryan Bulaga and Riley Reiff) and was expected to take that position in the NFL, the Bills made the wise decision of paying attention to his entire collegiate career:

Calloway (6’7" 315) was the second of two seventh-round draft picks made by the Bills this past April. The offensive lineman was initially projected by Buffalo’s coaching staff as a guard, but to this point in OTAs and the most recent voluntary minicamp offensive line coach Joe D’Alessandris has had Calloway primarily lined up at right tackle.

"Coach ‘D’ made it perfectly clear to me that I need to know both positions and be able to play both," said Calloway. "I did rookie camp at guard and after that I came back for OTAs in May and he just said that watching college tape he saw I was playing a lot of tackle and that I’d probably be more comfortable at tackle. So they kind of want me to learn the system as a tackle for now and be able to switch and go wherever.";

If Calloway sticks with the Bills or even earns playing time, it won't be that much of a surprise; size isn't a concern, and he's clearly been good enough to merit a deal most 7th rounders never see. Now, are the Bills in dire straits at tackle as we speak? Sure. Is this an opportunity the Bills might not always get? Of course. Does that make Calloway attractive enough to toss four years at the young kid? Well... good luck, Bills.

JAMZ

The Chicago Tribune's Teddy Greenstein weighs in on his preferred Big Ten targets. Spoiler alert: he doesn't include Electoral College, so fuck him.

The Fourth Branch wonders aloud if the Big XII's (ostensibly) momentary collapse will end up being a net benefit until 2014 for the new and remaining schools. It's a shorter-term argument than anybody in the XII would like to make, especially since this argument effectively makes the Big XII the Carlos Zambrano of the NCAA. It's wholly unsustainable, but it might soften the blow for the next three or four years. So there's that.

Governor Culver thinks he can yell Iowa State's way into the Big Ten. Well, of course he does.

Our idol Lucas O'Rear, who we will remind you is a big giant Irish guy named Lucas O'Rear, was drafted in this year's MLB draft. And mind you, this wasn't some joke selection like taking Chad Mustard in FFL a few years ago. In addition to his basketball career, O'Rear was also a sought-after righty at 6'7", 240, and was taken in the 13th round by the Cincinnati Reds. The 13th round! With any luck, he will be the most finest named Major League Baseball player since our the legendary Ugly Dickshot.

And finally, we have an early front-runner for The Most Racist-As-Shit American World Cup Commercial. We know things are uglier overseas, but here, we have certain expec(IMPALED BY A CHUCKED SPEAR):