Guess Who's Getting 0 Minutes A Game In This Brand New, Fast-Paced, Up-Tempo Offense

Seriously though, I am not too sad to see him go as I think Fran can get a better player with that scholarship. And next year was going to be brutal anyway, with or without Cougill.

and having lived there I do, it will be found to be Obama’s fault somehow.

Great. There goes our shot at the Final Four.

put on a ton of weight while attending Kirkwood?

To: Brennan Cougill, Mrs. Cougill, the editorial staff of the Sioux City Journal, the 46 remaining season ticket holders at Carver, the UI athletic department, the Hawkeye mens’ basketball team, the University of Iowa, and all it may concern.

I would like to apologize to you all for my failures as Brennan’s academic tutor during the 2009-2010 academic year.

I was unable to help Brennan finish his coursework. I must now admit that I was using the university-provided laptop computer to access BlackHeartGoldPants, and I became distracted. During my distraction, I was too busy:

solving the problem of head injuries/voting in name of the year contests/observing and voting in marchifornication/watching for the demise of Todd Lickliter/reading about Ricky Stanzi loving America and saving the world/analyzing Ken O’Keefe’s performance/making fun of ISU/listing possible Lickliter replacements/floating conference realignment scenarios/debating the merits of Anthony Tucker as a moral or immoral being/open-threading the World Cup/admiring the brutality, skill, and abilities of Adrian Clayborn/mourning the horrible playoff performance of Nate Kaeding/hoping DJK would get with the program/trying to laugh to keep from hanging myself during Hawkeye basketball season/observing Iowa beat Purdue about 14 times on the way to a runner-up finish in the Big Ten baseball tournament/basking in the glory of Iowa’s first BCS bowl win since the 1950s/watching Shonn Greene’s NFL career blossom/counting the number of Iowa basketball commits to pre-emptively transfer or de-commit/celebrating another NCAA wrestling championship won by the Hawkeyes/making fun of Tim Brewster’s retarded communication style and offensive gameplan/hoping Lisa Bluder would actually win a meaningful game/finding out where multiple Hawkeyes would be drafted to in the NFL/mourning the loss of Ed Thomas/enjoying the fact that Brent Metcalf was slowly destroying all other wrestlers/worshipping the hilarity and greatness of Norm Parker/getting grossed out by photos of molerats/hating everybody at ESPN except Adam Rittenberg/talking about booze/drinking till I’m blind/praying that Marvin McNutt stays healthy/avoiding posting about politics/watching Tyler MotherF’n Sash intercept the ball and run it back for a TD/watching Ricky Stanzi get intercepted and have the other team run it back for a TD/watching impostors humorously impersonate Eddie Podolak and Dolph/making fun of Terrelle Pryor because he said “everybody kills people”/making sample newspaper headlines that included puns based on Fran McCaffery’s name/staking out Jewel Hampton’s apartment to check the severity of his knee injury/asserting that Bryan Bulaga’s thyroid and tiny arms would not be a problem in the NFL/watching the opposing fans at football games cry into their dorky hats/gazing at the beautiful new turf at Kinnick while bemoaning the lack of designs on said turf and the nearby water tower/quashing rumors that Jake Kelly was returning to Iowa/hating Steve Alford but admitting that he was having a nice season/watching ISU lose coaches and then seeing them replaced with possibly decent hires/watching Southern California take their medicine and hoping the same would happen to Ohio State/demanding that Iowa make a BCS bowl/repelling idiot Georgia Tech chart-makers/hiding from the wrath of Bloodpunch Barta/rooting for John Lickliter while hoping he would not have to see the floor/enjoying the fine work of Mike Hlas, Marc Morehouse, and Scott Dochterman/pondering the arrogance of CoachPaulJohnson and his stable of super-human football players/hoping that the jerks at Sinclair broadcasting would not withhold the Orange Bowl from cable transmission/being confident that Kirk Ferentz would not find a new job while scanning the flight-tracker to see his every move/waiting for the next installment of the JoePa Chronicles/ogling James Vandenberg’s mom/dismissing justNorthwestern until they beat us in basketball and (dirtily) in football/showing disdain for Paki O’Meara’s on-field abilities while fearing his capability as a super-villain.

I give you my solemn vow that, should I be retained as a tutor, I will consult Dr. Clem Smith Haskins and Professor Jim Harrick and obtain their advice on strategies for improvement. I will then formulate a plan that will ensure Brennan’s academic experience is successful and meaningful for the future.

Sincerely,

WaterlooChazz
BHGP commentor
Research Paper Editor/Writer

P.S. We’re F***ed.

May I be the first to suggest this method of deterring fouls.

this little thing that appears in today’s (Wednesday’s…I think) Journal BLAMES COUGILL HIMSELF!

…OK, not really, but it doesn’t blame anyone else, either. Suppose we’ll have to wait until Thursday or Sunday for that…

We are sinking to depths no decent person would travel.

If he wasn’t doing schoolwork, and he wasn’t working on being awesome at basketball…

What was he working on?

"We would like to have Brennan back with us provided he takes care of business," McCaffery said in a news release. "That said, we can’t guarantee his return to the Hawkeye roster in the future, but plan on re-recruiting Brennan."

I think Fran is a no nonsense dude who wants basketball thoroughbreds, so this is just another opportunity for him to bring in another Basabe.

Good luck in Siouxland Brennan.

I love Cougs. Look, the kid is overweight. And yes, he can’t run. But his basketball IQ is off the charts. Watch him play — he never has a hand in his face when he shoots jumpers, because he always knows the place on the court where the D won’t be, he is always near rebounds because he reads bounces well, he can tip rebounds to himself when he’s up against a more athletic guy, and he positions himself well on Defense.

If this kid would lose some weight, and gain some lateral quickness (thinner and stronger calves would do the trick), then I think he could be a legit 12 pt, 8 rb guy. He’ll never be a dominant force in the paint, but he can be a true provider. I hope he comes back and gets back into shape!

I would have chosen all of the above.

there is a really good article/video about the Frantastic One over at ESPN. I didn’t feel it was worth a FanShot, so I’ll just post the link here.

Another rebuilding job for McCaffery

I’m liking this guy more and more every time I hear something new about him.

I always thought that big stupid look on his face was an act….

They’ve been getting a free pass for too long.

If so, I’m sorely disappointed. Not only by the lack of hysterical outrage, but the poor spelling.

From the Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down column for July 2

“GRADES MATTER: We were discouragd to learn that former Heelan basketball standout Brennan Cougill was ruled academically ineligible at the University of Iowa and will transer to Kirkwood Community College in hopes of rejoining the Hawkeyes. It’s a tough lesson for other star athletes: The classroom matters. Hopefully, Cougill will learn from his mistakes and come back stronger than ever.”