The Big Ten held a press conference today to address the latest expansion rumor, namely that they were interested in the Mars market, assuming it exists. Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany admitted that the interest in the red planet first began when former Iowa lineman Alex Karras, during his brief stint as an announcer, referred to Otis Sistrunk as being from "The University of Mars", but it wasn't until the Mars landing that expansion there actually became feasible.

"Mars is an attractive candidate for a number of reasons", stated Delany. "First, they are as likely to deliver the NYC market as Rutgers. Second, their fanbase is as large as Northwestern's. Third, we can 'forget' to bring back any Ohio State fans who make the trip there for an away game."

Delany also addressed the concern that the expansion might be premature. "The Big Ten has always prided itself on leading the way for college football. For example, Michigan was not content to wait to begin abject failure until after Rich Rodriguez was hired. Instead, they took the initiative to lose to Appalachian State a year earlier."

"Furthermore, the fact that The University of Mars does not actually exist -- or at least we assume so since no SEC team has scheduled it for an non-conference game -- is of no consequence. Instant replay did not exist in college football when we instituted that."

"And neither is it a concern that there aren't any people, or even any Martians, on Mars. The population of Mars is not what's important. What's important is getting the Big Ten Network on Martian cable, whether or not there is anybody watching. As you know, Martian cable does not, as this time, in fact, exist. Fortunately, the Big Ten Network is so profitable that we can afford to found a Martian cable company ourselves. Problem solved."