It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It Suggests You Try the Veal
by Patrick Vint on May 11, 2010 10:00 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
Email
PrintThis is Just One Reason Why I Don't Live in Sioux City.
This video clearly has the support of the local media establishment -- I counted three different broadcast news operations represented before blood started spurting from my eyes -- and yet has worse audio syncing than our podcasts. It points out an otherwise nondescript bridge as some sort of civic landmark. It's a parody of a song that is six years older than local golden boy Brennan Cougill. None of these are good things, Sioux City. Go back to the studio, call Phil Collins, and record Siouxsiouxdio.
They're Playing Ha-Ha's in Cleveland on the Sixth. Be Sure to Tip Your Waitresses. In the past couple of weeks, both Kirk Ferentz and Fran McCaffery have referenced the comedic stylings of wrestling coach Tom Brands and defensive coordinator Norm Parker, who are opening for McCaffery on the summer I-Club circuit and apparently killing it.
Thanks to Dochterman, we now have visual confirmation. I'll only post the first one; you'll need to click through to see the rest, and it's totally worth the effort.
Later, Tom Brands opens his set with a reference to horse breeding, threatens to beat up an audience member, orders the crowd get out their checkbooks, and closes with the raunchiest version of The Aristocrats joke we've ever heard. It's a beautiful thing, though you have to feel for McCaffery; he opens his career on tour with the two best quote generators in Iowa athletics, then steps into the crossfire of the Big Ten -- likely the nation's best basketball conference next year -- with little more than a butter knife and a poorly-made slingshot.
Over the Horizon. ESPN pored over 25 years of data, determining which 16 NCAA football programs have had the most success in the National Football League so that they can conduct some sort of asinine bracket thing to kill column inches over the long offseason. The criteria is arbitrary, awarding points for Pro Bowl appearances, All-Pro selections, and MVP/POY awards. Michigan, Ohio State, and Penn State made the cut; Iowa did not, though the Hawkeyes finished tied for #23 with Michigan State, ahead of both Texas (#28) and Oklahoma (#29). Purdue comes in at #26. Surprisingly, Wisconsin does not earn honorable mention.
Blurbs: Ben Brust unsurprisingly commits to Wisconsin, where he can torment Iowa for the next four or five years. Amari Spievey will be wearing swooshes for the next three years, per his agent. Iowa assistant wrestling coach Doug Schwab has reportedly been offered the vacant Northern Iowa head coaching position. Friend of the Pants Rodger Sherman, editor of Sippin' on Purple, gets offered 700 words in the Daily Just Northwestern and uses his limited space to discuss NBA Street on the Playstation 2. Name of the Year helps us find derelicts. And YA GUEY!
65 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Say what you want
but at least 4 people involved in the SUX video we’re being ironic. Also, our local sports guys don’t always wear ra-TARD helmets, Travis Morgan was just doesn’t care if “you call us irresponsible.”
by Missing Brad Banks on May 11, 2010 10:05 AM CDT reply actions
If your subject is an open invitation
Then I’m going to say that I hope your law dissertations were better written than this.
"I know you're from Middle America, and sometimes you feel like you're representing more than just a school or a conference, maybe an entire group of American citizens out there."
by Twin Cities Hawk on May 11, 2010 10:51 AM CDT up reply actions
ruh roh
we’re = were; was = was
You compose a decent sentence after being clubbed in the face by your own people. What’s really sad is the poor independent league baseball players, holding on to a pitiful, dying dream, who show up to the park one day and get talked into this display by some “Slap Shot”-style GM. What’s next?
by Missing Brad Banks on May 11, 2010 11:06 AM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, I hear you
I was pretty much full of blubber and sadness when that dude from Cedar Rapids decided to go all “8 Mile” on everyone while exploiting a natural disaster.
"I know you're from Middle America, and sometimes you feel like you're representing more than just a school or a conference, maybe an entire group of American citizens out there."
by Twin Cities Hawk on May 11, 2010 11:27 AM CDT up reply actions
I am moving to Sioux City ASAP.
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
by ReadingRambler on May 11, 2010 10:43 AM CDT reply actions
I thought about same.
But I moved to Storm Lake (good small town airport, the lake doesn’t glow anymore) instead, and, candidly, I advise visitors to fly into Omaha.
My theory is that Sioux City is the American last frontier: go across that river, you are now approaching the New West. Return, you are 24 straight driving hours from Manhattan or DC. A person cannot be more estranged from East and West, than in Sioux City. Also, they just lost their slaughterhouse.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
I'm from Sioux City.......
And once I knew that “the video” was on the Internet I knew it was only a matter of time before bhgp got their hands on it. I agree the audio quality is horible. The shame, the shame….
by BuckeyFucker on May 11, 2010 10:49 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Was it really built on Rock and Roll?
Cause from the video it looks…….totally awesome! Too bad it smells there.
Joke's on you Pantsy!
All the workers at the John Morrell plant were just laid off. The only smell now is dispair!
by Missing Brad Banks on May 11, 2010 11:08 AM CDT up reply actions
Were they all out of the Cedar Rapids Quaker Oats factory cologne?
They’re both quite similar to Sex Panther.
Having grown up in CR
I was always more partial to the Eau de Hormel Plant.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Ahh... you haven't smelled until you've smelt Potlatch Lumber in
Lewiston, Id-a-ho.
A strangely intriguing odor of old, stinking shoes, stale vinegar, and vicious halitosis. Altogether quite memorable and debilitating in the same instance.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on May 11, 2010 12:20 PM CDT up reply actions
There is nothing as sweet as the smell,
Of the A.D.M. plant on a HUMID summers morning. Stench so thick you can’t cut it with a chain saw.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
That's the culprit.
I’ve got a good friend who’s a higher up at the General Mills plant and he swears the smell isn’t from them. It’s like blaming a fart on the guy next to you.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 11, 2010 10:25 PM CDT up reply actions
Mount Trashmore is worse, IMO.
I worked in downtown CR prior to the flood. When the early morning wind was blowing straight out of the south the aroma of the solid waste landfill it’s enough to make you literally want to vomit.
by Abbas_Cincinnatus on May 12, 2010 8:04 AM CDT up reply actions
He's telling the truth.
GM usually smells like cookies or cake mix. ADM, however….
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on May 12, 2010 9:23 AM CDT up reply actions
It' not called "The city of 5 smells" for no reason.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
That's right.
Can’t forget about Penford and Diamond V
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on May 12, 2010 3:11 PM CDT up reply actions
I thought it was the City of 5 Seasons
and the 5th season was ass-stench.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 12, 2010 4:19 PM CDT up reply actions
No
that’s year round
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on May 12, 2010 4:21 PM CDT up reply actions
I would like to take this opportunity to renounce any and all ties to Sioux City.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
We Built Brennan Cougill
on Rocky Road.
by Angle's Dangle on May 11, 2010 11:15 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Bravo.
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
by ReadingRambler on May 11, 2010 11:18 AM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, that wins.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on May 11, 2010 11:20 AM CDT up reply actions
+1 internet
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on May 11, 2010 1:52 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah...
…I took one look at the above picture (with the ice cream cone) and realized that he still looks like he’s 15.
Does anyone remember what Shaq looked like at age 18? I’m not saying anything about playing style or ability, but this kid could turn into a tank in the next two to three years (a guy can hope for the sake of his team). Seriously, he’s nowhere near being a man, and it will be interesting to see what Cougillsaurus can do if he ever puts on the big boy pants.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on May 11, 2010 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions
I didn't make it through the whole thing
But it appears the two EMS workers that have Ambu bags have build bongs out of them.
Explains a lot about the video, I think.
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on May 11, 2010 11:21 AM CDT reply actions
norm parker = win
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on May 11, 2010 12:15 PM CDT reply actions
How long are you going to be on Mars?
Two weeks. T-t-t-t-t-t-wo weeks.
by HawkeyeRecon on May 11, 2010 5:19 PM CDT up reply actions
Impressive investigative work HS.
The commentors over at NOTY are clearly immune to odd names at this point though. “Is Hawkeye State his actual name?” Really?!
Fuck tOSU
Those guys suck.
They’re all about flash, not game.
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
by ReadingRambler on May 11, 2010 12:57 PM CDT up reply actions
4 local news establishments
4, 9, 14, and 44….and one greek othrodox minister by the looks of things….golden
Well
14 and 44 are the same damn thing, just different colors and non-news programming. Same anchors and weatherpeople. So 3 local TV News establishments + the Journal.
And here's a lighthouse keeper being beheaded by a laser beam!
It's a big improvement over when I lived there
There was no Fox 44 and 14 didn’t have any local news, just 10 hours of Momma’s Family every day…
by Brock Sampson on May 11, 2010 9:52 PM CDT up reply actions
God Damn It
My hometown just can’t stay out of their own way when making themselves look like a bunch of retards and jackasses. The sad thing is, Sioux City has gotten MUCH better than when I graduated HS 11 years ago.
'They are who we thought they were!'
Hey, what the hell is going on out here, Iowa fans?
http://nameoftheyear.blogspot.com/2010/05/elite-eight-part-2.html
Get out there and vote! Let’s go all Frank Reich on their butts!
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
Doesn't the state of Georgia
have to vote for Angerer since he owns the place?
"Next week's no good for me. The Jonas Brothers are in town."
It's sad that since all of the NOTY committee started whining about Pat winning against Wave Ryder and the rest, everyone is now trying to get him out.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on May 11, 2010 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions
Charity Beaver
is a pretty awesome name though. It’s the classic battle of the lover vs. the fighter.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
I'm sure her link didn't hurt.
She’s getting the perv vote and the bitter loser vote.
by The Mexican't on May 11, 2010 3:12 PM CDT up reply actions
oh.....
I hadn’t looked at the link. I gotta say, I’ve met a charity beaver or two in my day, but they were apparently no relation to her.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
Did Frank come after....
… the Second or Third Reich? Or is he the eldest? I can never remember.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on May 11, 2010 3:20 PM CDT up reply actions
We need about 1000 votes.
I don’t know where to go. What to do.
You try so hard…and then..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn5E2clVsGw
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
by ReadingRambler on May 11, 2010 9:35 PM CDT up reply actions
I wonder if we could get the fine folks at votefortheworst.com to help. They’re the ones who have been rigging crap reality shows (namely American Idol) for years. They’re all about supporting the contestant who will piss off the largest number of people.
by Mogwai on May 12, 2010 1:42 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
NOTY certainly doesn't deserve such disrespect.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
by Adam Jacobi on May 12, 2010 12:45 PM CDT up reply actions
I beg to differ, though I'm not going to do anything.
The people at NOTY are tools that take themselves far too seriously. Why hold a contest and then get pissed off at people for not voting the way you think they should have? Why not just say, “hey we got together and decided this is the funniest name if the year?”
by Mogwai on May 12, 2010 3:18 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
The people that are upset are mostly voters.
Sure the “High Commissioner” was upset with Pat’s advancement, but he’s got to understand that voting isn’t always going to shake out as it’s “supposed to.” Nature of the beast, yada, yada, yada. NOTY is hilarious, but if X’Zavier Bloodsaw doesn’t make the finals I will be extremely disappointed.
by The Mexican't on May 12, 2010 4:53 PM CDT up reply actions
For what it's worth, re Cougill...
He’s apparently lost a good deal of weight already. We might be one and done on jokes.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Guess we'll have to
weight and see.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
That's pretty heavy man.
Seriously, if he’s dropped a few stone, and is trying to get in good shape, bully for him. If he’s trying, don’t we all want to see him succeed in reaching his potential as a player?
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on May 11, 2010 3:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Brenny Craig?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 11, 2010 10:31 PM CDT up reply actions
It's over
Comedy Central says that this has caused the web to officially jump the shark. Good job people.
by Missing Brad Banks on May 11, 2010 6:22 PM CDT reply actions
If I lose my porn sites because of them bastards I'm going to rain down the fury!
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
I had veal for dinner tonight.
It was good but not great.
"Enough of your borax, Poindexter! We need action!"
Ironically, Beaver is pounding Angerer
In Soviet Russia, Beaver lick YOU!
Gotta admit, on a list of favorites, Beaver will always be hard to beat rimshot
Thanks everyone! I’ll be at the Chucklehut in Fargo next Saturday
by HeartOfHawkness on May 11, 2010 8:24 PM CDT reply actions
Looks like Angerer is going down
on to Beaver.
Thank you! Please tip the gentlemen at the door on the way out.
by HeartOfHawkness on May 11, 2010 8:28 PM CDT up reply actions
It was a great matchup;
what beaver doesn’t enjoy a pat?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 11, 2010 10:33 PM CDT up reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
Related FanPosts on Black Heart Gold Pants
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
