BHGP EXCLUSIVE: Big Ten Offers Five Schools For Expansion
by Adam Jacobi on May 10, 2010 2:39 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
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PrintBREAKING NEWS: Multiple sources have confirmed to Black Heart Gold Pants that the Big Ten has extended offers to five different institutions in order to expand the conference.
BHGP's sources indicate that the five schools are as follows: the University of Phoenix, La'James College of Hairstyling, the Sabaragamuwa University of Sri Lanka, the Electoral College, and Rutgers.
Said one source, speaking on condition of anonymity: "The first two selections speak for themselves, but the schools Delany's most excited about are Saba U--that's what he calls them--and the Electoral College.
"[Delany] was deasdset against international expansion until last weekend, when he got [inebriated] on gin and went on Wikipedia," our source told us. "I'm not sure what he was looking for specifically, but he read how Sabaragamuwa was 'proof of an existence of a monastic University in Palabaddala in the district of Ratnapura, Sabaragamuwa province. This ancient University had been established by Kalikala Sahittya Sarvagna Pandita, King Parakramabahu, the Second (1235-1271 AD) in Dambadeniya Period.' Hell of a story. In fact, we're most looking forward to hearing Brent Musberger repeat that story before games on ABC."
Another source told us about the Electoral College: "Everyone in the conference knows that it's not a real institution of learning and everything, but buying the rights to select the next President of the United States seems like a total 'Jim Delany' thing to do. We don't have anything totally in place yet, nothing we can leak or anything, but we're dreaming big. Also, we have gone ahead and trademarked the phrase 'NOW THE GAMES COUNT,' just in case."
Unconfirmed logo
As the leaked logo confirms, the conference is expected to maintain the name "Big Ten" for branding purposes. This is expected to annoy every other conference beyond belief, a condition Delany is said to prefer.
Again, this information comes via multiple anonymous sources. We expect comment from the Big Ten shortly.
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I'm just going to assume that La'James is in there for some Title IX rule
Like people saying we can’t expand just for the strengths of men’s sports programs. That would also explain Rutgers.
No question. All is equal except in the B11 where we have jNW and other entitlements...
Hate Northwestern, Hate OSU, Michigan State, Michigan too...you get the picture.
Don't dis La'James.
They have a lot of tradition in football. Don’t you remember the (curling)Iron Men?
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on May 10, 2010 10:24 PM CDT up reply actions
One hand should be
a big ass turkey leg.
by DowntownmplsHAWK on May 10, 2010 3:52 PM CDT up reply actions
Too Funny
For those who will miss why this post is so timely, just read this which is from a little earlier today. I can only assume Adam had this one waiting in the wings.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
I wish
That would mean A) I’m smart, and B) I would have had more than 10 minutes to work on that logo.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
I just wonder
How long it will be for some radio station to report this post as breaking news.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
WAIT WHAT ABOUT LINCOLN TECH
You have to be a big guy to work on those big rigs.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
They're afraid
they would lose their annual game with DeVry.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
Touche
I was wondering if anyone would get the reference, because I haven’t seen a Lincoln tech commercial in years. :)
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on May 10, 2010 3:50 PM CDT up reply actions
University of Phoenix already has a stadium deal, so that's a plus.
But I heard they have a gentleman’s agreement with Texas State Armadillos, so we probably won’t get UoP. If we could get them both, maybe. But do you want to play against this every year?
Black Shoe Diaries
Success With Honor
I was hoping for a picture of
Kathy Ireland!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Fun Fact time!
The U. of Phx graduates more students (50,000) than any other college in the country, and is one of the largest schools with programs suited for military personnel, so finding enough capable Big 10 caliber athletes (who know their way around firearms) shouldn’t be a problem.
Plus, with several locations conveniently placed across the country, travel costs could be cut drastically, since they can always just stay on campus.
by HeroPatriotStanzi on May 10, 2010 4:35 PM CDT up reply actions
Can we play jNW online? Or how about them organizing for sports under the Kellogg School? That might assure a top 10 annual ranking.
Hate Northwestern, Hate OSU, Michigan State, Michigan too...you get the picture.
Can we play them in a game of
Global Thermonuclear War?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 11, 2010 2:19 AM CDT up reply actions
Only if the QB is named Joshua.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on May 11, 2010 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions
?
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
by ReadingRambler on May 11, 2010 3:55 PM CDT up reply actions
That would be the former President of Bowdoin College
Joshua Chamberlain, if I’m not mistaken.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 11, 2010 10:39 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes indeed
And the commanding colonel of the 20th Maine. Leave it Reading to interject a little Civil War trivia (always welcome) into things.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Wow ... The Electoral College
They are going to have a hard time adapting to Big Ten scoring. Points scored from a TD at the ol’ E.C. can fluctuate depending upon the number of constituents fans in attendance.
by TexasHawkeye923 on May 10, 2010 3:53 PM CDT reply actions
Certainly not 810
They have restaurants here called the “810 Zone” with overpriced nachos. I prefer to call them the “Blo Zone” since they are nothing but hot air chasing after ratings.
While it was overpriced...
I rather enjoyed my visit to an 810 Zone restaurant a year or two ago. Of course, that was during March Madness.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on May 10, 2010 10:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Can you even GET decent nachos outside the SW and Texas?
I know this is a threadjack, but hey, its also a really important question to ponder.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on May 11, 2010 1:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Authentic nachos? Maybe not,
but one of my favorite sports here in Chicago offers this:
nachos topped with smoked duck, melted chihuahua cheese, purple onion, guacamole pickled jalapenos & a lime cream sauce.
Um, yeah, they’re ridiculous.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 11, 2010 10:12 PM CDT up reply actions
as far as overpriced..
when i lived there one was in leawood and another on the plaza. so nachos are gonna run around 10 bones. plus anyone in kc that wants the good stuff heads north to in-a-tub.
not serious btw
Gotta get up to get down
So I went on a delivery today
and found myself in East Brunswick, driving by Rutgers’ football stadium.
I still don’t know what the Big 10 sees in them.
I have the same fashion sense as Tom Arnold.
wrong stadium
I’m sure they would need to expand capacity again, or be able to use the new Meadowlands stadium (but a sellout there is probably more people than most games at jNW or IU). Besides, Rutgers isn’t about butts-in-seats, it’s about (potential) tvs in homes. Besides, the stadium is in Piscataway…
by PackerHawk on May 11, 2010 9:27 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
“This ancient University had been established by Kalikala Sahittya Sarvagna Pandita, King Parakramabahu, the Second (1235-1271 AD) in Dambadeniya Period.’ Hell of a story. In fact, we’re most looking forward to hearing Brent Musberger repeat that story before games on ABC.”
How many drinks will this total in the New Revised Version of the Musberger Drinking Game?
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Open the bottle
and just keep drinking
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on May 10, 2010 7:41 PM CDT up reply actions
I can hear Brent now...
….“The young man from Ratnapura, Sabaragamuwa province Sri Lanka!”
"If you want to become a man--come to Iowa" All American IOWA LB PAT ANGERER, whose best friend is a dog.
At which point you chug a fifth of Bombay
because that’s what happens when Brent references the Indian Subcontinent in the Revised Brent Drinking Game.
Really.
So it's really just another version...
…..of feedback.
Brent says something stupid, Brent drinks, causing Brent to say something stupid….ad nauseam.
I guess that makes Brent the winner at his own game!
The man is a legend.
"If you want to become a man--come to Iowa" All American IOWA LB PAT ANGERER, whose best friend is a dog.
by The Director on May 11, 2010 6:12 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm excited about LaJames
But something tells me that once they’re in the conference, they will never bring back that 5.99 haircut with UI id card special… :-(
by PackerHawk on May 11, 2010 9:39 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
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