EEEE EEEE ANDRE WOOLRIDGE EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

This is not a question. Use Nivea.

The first pieces of the Fran McCaffery staff (McStaffery? Yes? No? Developing...) are coming into place. First, the bad news: Mitch Buonaguro, McCaffery's top assistant, was named the new head coach at Siena. That wasn't entirely unexpected, but it's still one more spot to fill. And to that end, McCaffery has hired one of his other assistants from Siena, Andrew Francis:

Francis spent the past three seasons on McCaffery’s staff at Siena and the Brooklyn, N.Y., native was expected to follow McCaffery to Iowa City.

McCaffery said Francis has the versatility he seeks from an assistant.

''I've worked closely with Andrew for three years and he is the complete package,'' McCaffery said in a statement. ''He's a tremendous coach and excellent recruiter. His scouting reports are incredibly thorough and his on-court teaching is spectacular.''

Neato gang and all that, but we have WAY better news:

Andre Woolridge has officially applied to be an assistant on Fran McCaffery’s new staff.

Andre Woolridge played point guard for the Iowa Hawkeyes from 1994 to 1997. After leaving Iowa, Woolridge played basketball for many years overseas. Andre is now located in Sacramento but would love to get back to the Midwest.

Yes, all he has done is applied, and he may not even get hired. That's not the point.

The point is that Andre Woolridge is our hero, and we are completely incapable of discussing him in a rational, objective fashion. Yes, we struggle with that on all subjects always, but there is no such struggle here; he is Santa Jesus Claus to us, and now the Iowa basketball team will go 60-0 every single season. If you disagree we will fight you. And we are not above fighting like girls, so there will be hair pulled out. By the handful.

Everyone share your favorite Andre Woolridge stories in the comments. My favorite is when he punched out Jud Heathcote and made him retire.

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