Teddy Greenstein: Political Reporter

by Patrick Vint on Apr 22, 2010 9:45 AM CDT in Iowa Hawkeyes News

Chicago Daily Tribune offices

National News Desk

November 1948

I need a story. I need a story. I need NEWS, PEOPLE!
Once, I saw the greatest news story in the world.
/reads rough draft of story about panda cubs at San Diego Zoo
This is not the greatest news story in the world!
But sir, this is just the Tribune
/reads rough draft of story about bank robberies
I can't seem to remember the greatest news story in the world.
No, no, this is just the Tribune
What are you doing here? It's election night! You should be out reporting!
Why do I even pay you reporters? You couldn't report on a fire if the flames were shooting out your own ass! Who has something on this election for me?
...
...
Come on, people! I need news!
...
...
Enough of this. Someone get me Teddy Greenstein!
You called, sir?
Do you have the story on the election?
Yeah, sir. Dewey's gonna win.
Really? Where are you getting that?
Um...sources?
Good enough, Greenstein! We're putting it on the front page! Everyone will be talking about it! Job well done, son!
Thanks, Mr. Editor.
Beatrice, call the printers! We've got our headline!

The next morning...

Maybe you're better suited for the sports desk, Greenstein.

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Comments

Glorious.

"I am enthusiasm, wrapped in zeal, inside an enema." - SMA

by ReadingRambler on Apr 22, 2010 9:57 AM CDT reply actions

Be we angels?

Nay, BHGP! ROCK!

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Apr 22, 2010 10:40 AM CDT via mobile reply actions

So Teddy's expansion source is

Tenacious D?

by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 22, 2010 10:46 AM CDT up reply actions

There! The crevasse!

Fill it with your mighty…well, you know.

Teddy Greenstein is actually a pretty good reporter in a big-time (well, it used to be) newspaper town. He is typically not given to hysterics or “news”-for-news’-sake, this is just one of those occasional misfires that every reporter has in an industry that requires a whole lot of reading between the lines and sifting through the bullshit.

Side note: I was once engaged in a 2-minute game of chicken with an ESPN-Chicago radio producer who swore I was Teddy Greenstein calling in to a show under a pseudonym just to fuck with him. It wasn’t until my infant daughter started crying in the background that he relented.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Apr 22, 2010 5:46 PM CDT up reply actions

I read

that Big East schools have to give 27 months notice before leaving the conference. So we are potentially 3 years away from any actual change.

Mandell over at SI has an article about the expansion. He seems to have phoned it in though, not up to what I’ve come to expect from him.

Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog

by Flakbait on Apr 22, 2010 11:00 AM CDT reply actions

I wonder....

….if maybe Greenstein actually was leaked info that expansion was moving the timetable forward. Maybe Delaney had that “info” leaked to see if it made any schools jump. Y’know checking pulses and whatnot. Kind of a white lie as bargaining kind of move. (It’s not that far fetched- – corporations do it all the time as a leveraging tactic.)

Sadly, if this actually is the case, that would mean he took a play from the Tim Brewster playbook, and you know that none of us will win when we follow Punky’s lead.

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 22, 2010 11:45 AM CDT reply actions