Scene: the Jacobson Athletic Building. A young man runs down a hallway, terror in his eyes.
Well okay. It all started earlier this month when a bunch of people got this notice that they were in this contest. Like Ricky was in it, and Gary Barta, and so was Tyler Sash, and then some other people. And so once this contest started, everything started getting out of control because people wanted to win or something.
Well, Ricky had to go to Korea to save these Korean pop singer girls, because Paki O'Meara kidnapped them, right, and then Adrian and Ace came along too, and there was this firefight in a dungeon, and that's how Ricky got shot.
Well, Paki got away in all the confusion, and Adrian and Ace were going to go find him, and apparently he's on the Penn State campus for some reason, but I'm not sure why, Adrian's cell phone service cut off and I can't get a hold of him. But then also there's the Coach Fran thing.
Well apparently he was just a Civil War villain's twin brother in a disguise because he wanted to kill Barta so he could get revenge against JoePa, but the Lickliters sorta killed Barta first, and so he killed the Lickliters for some reason, but then he got voted off anyway so I guess that means he's dead.
And so now JoePa has that very same bear and it knows how to fly planes with earth-destroying bombs, and he also has this super-dangerous Russian hitman that talks gibberish and then kills people. I don't know what they're up to, but they're probably going to get voted on in the finals, and all Ricky's got is himself!
Well... aren't you going to do something about it? You should call all the rest of the Hawkeyes and help Ricky win! Or you should call the President! Or the FBI! Or... aren't you going to do something???
Adrian Clayborn. I repeat, Adrian Clayborn provided my now-deceased source with the information. He is not presently capable of transmitting more information, but we cannot risk another leak. And he is currently in State College. Do you know what he looks like?
In Happy Valley...
To be concluded... at the voting booth.