Kirk Ferentz's Alternate Reality
The urge always comes late at night.
The urge always comes when he's alone at the office, when the silence surrounds him, when he's necessarily left to his own devices, when his brain is free from distraction--and must distract itself.
That's when Kirk Ferentz gets the urge to wonder what if. Not what if he'd taken the Michigan job, or the Notre Dame job, or any of the NFL jobs. That's no reason to wonder. No, his imagination is preoccupied with another possibility.
What if he'd pursued rock and roll instead of football?
Perhaps he'd have been no good. Or perhaps, if he'd have put in as many hours on the axe as he had in the film room, he'd have been a horned, hooved rock god, a fucking scorcher, Jimmy Page's badder, better younger brother. Yes, this is what his brain tells him.
And so he looks up at the picture of him getting doused by his players at the Orange Bowl, he smiles, and he squints just enough that the Gatorade looks like an epic mane of hair, fit for a rock god like himself. Then he closes his eyes all the way, remembers the roar of fans he hears every Saturday, and thinks maybe, just maybe they'd be making that noise for him if he were...
"Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg; squeeze it so hard I fall right outta bed..."
KYRK FYRYNTZZ!!!
Oh well. He's 54 now. That's ancient for rock stars. Maybe he could have just started coaching later. Maybe in another universe, in an alternate reality. Maybe.
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It's never too late to pursue your dreams, Kirk.
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Apr 14, 2010 12:06 AM CDT reply actions
I pray every night that PLAY4BREW doesn't pack it in and give into his life-long dream...
and join the world’s largest kazoo band.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I can't believe such a thing existed
in a town as urbane as Cincinnati…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 14, 2010 6:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Kirk never saw Lynyrd Skynyrd but he sure saw Molly Hatchet
I check cheddar like a food inspector
by SpanishJohnny on Apr 14, 2010 12:58 AM CDT reply actions 2 recs
John McEnroe wanted to be a rock star - really really
But even though he took guitar instruction, he found out he has no talent for playing guitar, sadly… isn’t it interesting sometimes how people who are brilliant at one thing – in his case, playing tennis – would really rather be doing something else?
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
Oh, and the best guitarist in the Yardbirds
By far – was not Jimmy Page. Or Clapton (both of whom I think suck).
Drum roll – Jeff Beck.
Not as famous as those other two guys, but a much – MUCH – better guitar player. However, sometimes being the best does necessarily = famous.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
Cosign!
Give me Jeff Beck or Robin Trower over Page and Clapton any day.
Life is hard. It's really hard if you're stupid.
Trower is awesome
Hendrix … with good technique. Great sound.
He was the guitarist for Procol Harum’s only hit “A Whiter Shade of Pale.”
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 1:53 PM CDT up reply actions
But, as all mathmaticians know...
The addition of any positive or negative integer of John Bohnam is equivalent to the sum of all opposed guitarists, and is automatically added to Jimmy Pages value. For your college math class, in case it comes up.
Jeff Beck will Rock Your Ass Off

"Conan, what is best in life?" "Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of the women"
by Natty Bumppo's Murderous Gaze on Apr 14, 2010 7:40 AM CDT up reply actions
Are you sure that's not a Ricky Stanzi album?
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Apr 14, 2010 9:22 AM CDT up reply actions
Thanks for showing he has a new record out...
Clapton has repeatedly said that Jeff Beck plays circles around him and Page. Not widely known amongst non-guitarists – Beck doesn’t use a pic – its entirely all fingerwork and hands.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 2:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Clearly, you're just being contrarian.
Or you’ve lost your mind.
Your favorite Stooge was probably Shemp Howard. Your favorite Brady was likely Cousin Oliver. Your favorite Van Halen singer was Gary Cherone.
Mr. ZosoHerkey below says it best. Beck was a fine guitarist — for the Yardbirds. Page’s best work — and for that matter Clapton’s — was ahead of him.
Also, of the three, Page is the one you’d least want to screw with. His army of demon imps has likely read your words. Pagey is whipping up a spell to teach you a lesson as we speak.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Apr 14, 2010 9:39 AM CDT up reply actions
Gary Cherone
How dare you sir, how dare you! When, I ask you, did David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar ever do anything to surpass this level of mastery?
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I'm not sure,
but I know niether Roth nor Hagar approached the greatness of this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrIiLvg58SY
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 17, 2010 11:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Kirk would probably end up playing the bagpipes.
"can your nerd powers explain what this dude is doing in the thread above? I think we’re already defeated"
I could see him possibly touring with...
Doyle Bramhall II or with Derek Trucks on some sort of blues tour. Playing smaller venues, out of the limelight. Possibly playing a couple of stadiums in some sort of Festival type setting. Great enough to be well respected by his peers, yet obscure enough not to be played on the radio.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
In said alternate reality...
…KYRK FYRYNTZZ and Graham Norm Parker are The Black and Gold Label Society!
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 14, 2010 8:22 AM CDT reply actions
Great. Now the rest of the comments will debate who the greatest rocker is.
It’s bullshit like this that probably kept Kirk from living his dream. At least the BCS creates a true champion. I hope you all are happy. Fuckers.
by Pubes in Pink Urinals on Apr 14, 2010 8:30 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
The BCS would never give Jeff Beck a fair shake.
He’d be off in the Fiesta Bowl playing, like, John Frusciante while Eric Claton and Keith Richards square off in the BCS Title Game.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Easy to be the superstar when playing the state/county/street fair circuit.
Real champions shred where the lights burn the brightest. Now excuse me while I cross my fingers and hope for killer solo by Coach Kirk during the spring game.
by Pubes in Pink Urinals on Apr 14, 2010 10:02 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Jimmy Hendrix
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on Apr 14, 2010 10:41 AM CDT up reply actions
No Shit
Can’t believe nobody has brought him up yet, or Santana
Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.
by White Lightning on Apr 14, 2010 10:59 AM CDT up reply actions
The problem with Hendrix is that he died too young
when someone dies too soon, we tend to place what they did on a higher level. Yes, Jimi was a great guitarist and musician, there’s not doubt about that, but had he just been a typical run-of-the-mill drug user and played for another 25 or 30 years, would we still hold him to the same standard of being one of the best ever? It’s very possible, but I think it’s hard to say.
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Apr 14, 2010 11:05 AM CDT up reply actions
I see your point
but you look at the large number of songs that were released after his death, I think its evidence of sheer ridiculous talent that Jimi had. Really the entire arguement is subjective, everybody is going to have a different opinion. All I can say is that, is since probably since the mid 80s(i.e. Jeff Beck, Clapton,etc.) there hasn’t really been anybody that has stepped into the spotlight, and said “I am the next great guitarist.”
Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.
by White Lightning on Apr 14, 2010 11:18 AM CDT up reply actions
EPIC Grammer FAIL
my bad
Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.
by White Lightning on Apr 14, 2010 11:20 AM CDT up reply actions
Totally forgot to mention David Gilmour.
Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.
by White Lightning on Apr 14, 2010 11:21 AM CDT up reply actions
By far my favorite guitarist!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Zakk Wyled would like a word with you...
…after rocking your face off.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 14, 2010 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions
True, and-but
you also have Eddie Van Halen, who was the inspiration of Dimebag Darrell (listed below), and would probably be considered one of rock’s most influencial and original guitarists. There was also Stevie Ray Vaughn, but these names could go on and on.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Apr 14, 2010 12:04 PM CDT up reply actions
SRV and Hendrix are elevated because they died in their prime
a requirement for all great rockers, Jimmy gets double points because it was an OD.
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on Apr 14, 2010 12:06 PM CDT up reply actions
That was my point exactly
because Hendrix died in his prime (and before the age of 30, making it even bigger), everything he did is considered to be in higher regard, much like Kurt Cobain.
And White Lightning, to your point of what was released after he died, it’s pretty much a guarantee that you sell more after you are dead than you would when you were alive (see: Michael Jackson and pretty much every painter out there).
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Apr 14, 2010 4:28 PM CDT up reply actions
Jackson died last year
So of course you are going to see spike in his album sales, Hendrix died almost 40 years ago, and yet his albums are introduced to new fans every year and will continue to do so for quite some time, because really there is nobody now or in the future that can match what he did from 1966-1970. I must say I am a fan of most of the artists discussed today, but based not only on number of songs produced, but by sheer genius, my vote has to go Jimi.
Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.
by White Lightning on Apr 14, 2010 7:39 PM CDT up reply actions
I believe...
that Jimi’s “The Ultimate Experience” was one of the first 3 CDs that I bought. The others were Aerosmith’s “Big Ones” and U2 “Live: Under a Blood Red Sky.”
Jimi’s “Little Wing” has always been my cell phone ring tone.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 14, 2010 9:46 PM CDT up reply actions
I would recommend the Experience"s first release
“Are You Experienced” for any new listener, a lot of great songs that you might not of heard of. “Remember” is one of my favorite songs off that album
Tigers love pepper... they hate cinnamon.
by White Lightning on Apr 14, 2010 10:09 PM CDT up reply actions
There's also the Tupac corollary
Where you release 10x the amount of music after you “die” than you did while alive. This assumes, of course, that Tupac is really “dead”, and not living on the Upper East Side
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Actually, accoding to Dimebag's wiki page
Ace Frehley was his main inspiration, along with Joe Satriani, Tony Iommi, and Pete Willis.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 14, 2010 12:21 PM CDT up reply actions
See e.g.
The Doors. Good? yes. Great? Eh, not so much. But really rebounded with the help of Jim Morrison dying early and Oliver Stone believing that Morrison could have ended Vietnam if only he’d lived.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Santana is immediately disqualified for his involvement in "Smooth" with Rob Thomas.
These are the rules, and they are unbreakable.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Apr 14, 2010 12:50 PM CDT up reply actions
x 1000000000000000000000
Have you ever heard the Zappa instrumental “The Secret Carlos Santana Chord Progression”? He uses the same song structure over and over.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 11:26 PM CDT up reply actions
YEAH!
This isn’t Nam, there are rules.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 15, 2010 11:52 AM CDT up reply actions
Santana is all marketing. Truly a horrible guitarist.
He plays the same frickin’ riffs over and over and over and over.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 1:31 PM CDT up reply actions
I understand the Santana hate, cause he's not great in my eyes...
…but Monet also painted the same stuff over and over, and jazz musicians do it all the time. He does explore “themes” an aweful lot, but it might be a cultural (like who he learned to play from) thing.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 19, 2010 8:39 AM CDT up reply actions
I'll take Satriani
But I realize I’m in the minority here.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 14, 2010 4:42 PM CDT up reply actions
I love Satriani
Great player, but very uneven albums, and sometimes inexplicable career decisions (Chickenfoot SUCKS).
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 11:26 PM CDT up reply actions
He would have to be a lead guitarist
because if he were a front-man, well, I can’t imagine his lyrics being too deep or revealing. And, if he were to have an epic mane of hair, he might play a white ESP, but it would have to be a James Hetfield-style Explorer.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Apr 14, 2010 10:14 AM CDT reply actions
Some dreams are best left unfulfilled.
As a Penn State fan, I recall the unfortunate time Joe Pa realized his dream to be the frontman for Aerosmith after an “unexpected relapse” by Steven Tyler after performing on campus at the Bryce Jordan Center.

It was not a great time to be Nittany Lion fan, and a truly shitty performance by Aerosmith.
by Cairo on Apr 14, 2010 10:57 AM CDT reply actions 4 recs
And by "unexpected relapse"...
you mean the TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO guy came in and did his thing, right?
Master of the convoluted IOWA cheers!
by EnergizerHawk on Apr 14, 2010 12:04 PM CDT up reply actions
I played that video at a corporate meeting 2 weeks ago. People were freaking stunned. Since there was no context around it no one knew if they could laugh or not
"There are only three certainties in college football: all players will eventually leave, the ACC will be bad, and Joe Paterno ", Clay Travis, CNNsi Fanhouse
I remember back in the 80s when Stevie Nicks was playing Hancher...
The DJs from KRNA were going to hand out lyric sheets to the concert go-ers so when Stevie forgot the lyrics they could sing ‘em for her. She admits today she doesn’t remember about 10 years of her life because she was stoned during that period of time.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 1:57 PM CDT up reply actions
I at her '84 Carver Hawkeye concert.
Stevie Ray Vaughn was the opening act. And God only knows why I remember this, but Stevie Nicks’ lead guitarist was Waddy Wachtel.
Did they really hand out lyric sheets?
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 11:27 PM CDT up reply actions
Only 10 years?
Would’ve figured it was double that, minimum
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Truly shitty performance by Aerosmith...
…so, par for the course? They’ve been playing the same fucking song since 1980 (their first album was masterful, and then the long slide into commercial music).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 15, 2010 11:54 AM CDT up reply actions
Well
We thought he was singing, “Dude Looks Like a Lady,” but in fact he was just repeatedly yelling the same phrase in the mic while staring at Jan Jagla.
So… I’d take Steven Tyler over that.
Yeah, but...
….little known fact- – Steven Tyler learned to scat (wa-kow, ka-ka-kow, yeah) from JoePa’s impersonation of a “dirty (minority bloodline) woman on fire.”
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 15, 2010 12:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Jan Jagla's Wikipedia bio is great:
Though he stands 7 feet tall, Jagla has the game of a 2-guard, and his game somewhat resembles that of Dirk Nowitzki. [citation needed]
"can your nerd powers explain what this dude is doing in the thread above? I think we’re already defeated"
by ReadingRambler on Apr 15, 2010 7:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Did you know they were so stoned making their first album
… its pretty well known – I can’t remember the dude’s names – but there were some master session musicians that actually did most of the work for their first studio album, in terms of laying it down.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Steven Tyler
was so far gone he didn’t know they had released a greatest hit album until a fan asked him to sign it.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 15, 2010 4:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Well...
at least they had their health…
oh.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 15, 2010 9:01 PM CDT up reply actions
But really fuck all these guys
They’ve got no heart. Give me Mick Jones (not Foreigner) or Bob Stinson (not baseball). Something genuine.
I check cheddar like a food inspector
"Dimebag" Darrell
He’ll always be at the top of my list.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 14, 2010 11:22 AM CDT reply actions
Gotta love
a Gibson Les Paul.
Probably the best guitar EVER made!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Too heavy for me...
I don’t like really heavy electric guitars, and I’d need a double strap to be able to stand up and play a Les Paul.
I’ve owned…
A ’76 Strat (one of the first Mexican made ones)
A ’74 Gibson ES-335.
Both long since sold. The Strat did not stay in tune all over the neck (Fender had real quality issues then).
The 335 played nicely, but, feedback like a m’fer, even in a relatively low volume jazz setting. If any of you played in high school jazz competitions in Iowa in the late 70s (1977-80 for me) you’ve probably seen me play if you saw Des Moines Roosevelt during that time. I had both of those guitars on stage my senior year, and shortly after I started dragging them out, other guitar players would bring out two (a jazz and a rock guitar – a 335 is the same style guitar BB King plays, and that’s what I was using for the swing tune and ballad we’d play in our 3 song set – the Strat was for the rock tune).
Pretty funny. But I have to admit it was cool beans when I was stopped – several times – walking across Iowa’s campus as a undergrad and people would say “I know you – you played guitar for Roosevelt, right? You guys were awesome!”
These days, I have a Yamaha folk (steel string) acoustic dreadnought, and three Ibanez electrics – I think Ibanez makes – by far – the best electric guitar in the world for the money and quality. You don’t need to pay $3 grand for a Gibson ES-335; the Ibanez version is 1/3 the price and made much better. I have three Ibanez electrics… pic of those + the acoustic below:

From left to right…
Yamaha SCF08 acoustic guitar, Ibanez 2002 GAX-70, Ibanez 2007 Jet King 2, Ibanez 2008 ADJ-91
The Ibanez necks are scary fast…
Here’s some of the rest of my gear… effects pedals (chorus, delay, distortion, and I just bought a Digitech Jam Man, but don’t have a pic of it here) and my amps – Vox Valvetronic 30 watt modeling amp and I bought a Fender Hot Rod Deluxe about a month ago – just amazingly loud with only one speaker and 40 watts of power… Tubes :)





My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 1:48 PM CDT up reply actions
Ah... RJB 1980 Yearbook Picture
Forgot this was lying around… those were the guitars I was using then.

My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 1:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Figures – the guitar player surrounded by band geeks that were we in the late 70s (I played trombone at Cedar Rapids Washington) looks like the only guy that had it even 1/16th of the way going on, while high. There’s a reason pictures from that era should be nuked. Pictures from my daughter’s HS graduation in a few weeks will look like different species than did mine from our era.
I remember that velour shit (shudders)
From that particular band there, there’s a lot of successful people now. Two doctors, a graphic artist, a VP of pharm recruitment at a major corporation, middle-managers, etc. The guitar player in that picture is actually faking having his shit together. ;)
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 3:02 PM CDT up reply actions
I think I heard you guys play a couple of times...
Did you compete at the 1980 Coe College Jazz Festival? I was Outstanding Soloist of The Day there. I was totally floored when they called my name… instead of a plaque, though, I got a double Dexter Gordon CD from the Coe jazz band director (speaking of high, he had to be a major stoner if there ever was one. Nice guy. But definitely in a cloud of mildly narcotic smoke all the time LOL).
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 3:04 PM CDT up reply actions
No, I was a couple years earlier graduation than you. My favorite part of the picture, and it would hold true for my band as well, were the guys who could, and did, grow full beards in HS. It looks like your beard might come in at the same time as mine – any day now. In any event, many, many of the bandheads became successful, productive, adults. To make it even worse on myself, I ran track and cross country. I couldn’t have been more of a social untouchable at that age if I’d tried.
Do you still run?
Unless you blow up your knees, feet or hips, great way to stay active and it doesn’t require someone else to play with like tennis does, for example.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 3:53 PM CDT up reply actions
Trombone guy behind the girl behind you...
…did you go to high school with Jack Black?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 15, 2010 11:59 AM CDT up reply actions
Hahaha. No.
That guy lives in SF with his wife and kid; he’s a graphic designer. He could grow a beard like that when he was 14.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:19 PM CDT up reply actions
I play a
Martin DXME Acoustic-Electric. This is my baby and enjoy the tone and playability.
For electric, I have a Gibson SG Special. Great sound, light weight, and easy to play. Has a worn cherry finish that looks classic.
That’s all I have left in my collection. I sold a few after getting married.
Next purchase will be a nice amp. Either a Vox or a Behringer.
I am at work, but will post some pics after I get off.
BTW, you have a very nice collection. Just by what you have pictured, you look like a man who knows the tools of his trade!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Nice rigs
Thanks very much for the props on my stuff. I actually took a “20 year break” from playing … mostly by choice, I played, but I didn’t really practice to get better. Since my 2nd divorce, I’ve been putting a lot of energy back into playing.
The amps I’ve owned before the Vox and Fender were a 70s Peavy Deuce and an early 80s Traynor Block 100-G (copy of one of the Polytone Cube style jazz amplifiers).
Looking forward to seeing your stuff :)
I’ve played a Martin a time or two at a music store under shotgun, so to speak LOL. They are extremely nice and well worth the money.
The red one above is basically a SG copy, but I’ve also had the opportunity to play one of those once and they’re also fine instruments. Some of the “lesser known” Gibson lines are really great guitars (and not so outrageously priced, either). I’d love to track down a vintage Gibson L6-S. Those were wicked fast and light.
Where do you buy your gear? I have been very fortunate to find a local store in Davis, CA (about 15 miles west of downtown Sacramento (where I live)) called Watermelon Music. Great, friendly shop, and I’ve gotten some very competitive prices from them on gear. But I also will buy stuff off of amazon to avoid Cali sales tax… not pimping them so much, but if you buy a lot of gear, the $79/year charge for Amazon Prime is great because you get two day shipping on a lot of stuff (or free if its over $25).
I’ve been very pleased with this 30 watt Vox. Its a great practice amp and you could use it for small club gigs but anything bigger than a 100-200 person room, you’re going to need a PA or more power. You might want to look at their latest offering in the Valvetronix series at the 100 watt size. The number of amps/effects you can model and store custom settings is pretty mind boggling. They’ve got a video demo on their website.
I need to pick up a pedal rack – for years all I ran was a chorus… the Vox has it built in but the Fender does not. I don’t really play with distortion all that much anymore, most of the jazz jams I go to don’t require it, but its fun to have a good metal stomp box and delay. If you go to You Tube and search “Punk Rock Greensleeves” you can see a mediocre vid of me screwing around (not trying to play decently at all) with some of the stompboxes. – ha, just linked it. 90% of the time anymore I just play with Chorus and light reverb. But I’ve got the Necessary Implements of Destruction if Need Be…
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 6:02 PM CDT up reply actions
Crazy stories
It’s funny you mentioned a Gibson L6-S. I sold my ‘78 Custom about a year ago. My little brother bought it off me for $500. The humbucking pickups were shot, and it had a few light scratches. Other than that, it was a thing of beauty. Truly one of the most underrated Gibson guitars out there.
As for my Martin, there is a funny story that explains how I came about ownership of it. My best friend used to own a guitar store and would "allow" me to play a few of his Martin’s he had on display. He would occasionally make a remark about me spending my molding money and buying one for myself.
One day a lady brought in a used DXME , she needed some quick cash and the pawn shop had no idea what they had on their hands. My friend bought it cheap and told me he’d sell it to me for a small profit.
The next day I showed up at his shop cash –in –hand only to find out he had sold it moments before. Needless to say I was pissed. I didn’t speak to the guy for a few weeks after that.
After a few weeks my friends and family threw a b-day party for me. After opening up a few presents, my friend who owned the guitar store told me to go out to the garage and grab a few beers. As I walked into the garage I saw a brand new DXME. I was shocked. Turns out, he and my brother conspired behind my back to buy me new DXME .
When I asked about the used one the lady brought in, he said that it was not a used DXME and that the lady that brought it in was a rep for Martin and they made the story up on the fly just to throw me off their trail.
Still have yet to post some pics, will try and get to that tonight. I sear as the years go buy, I become more and more lazy!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
That is a great story
I can just imagine the look on your face when you got the new guitar for real :)
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 3:13 PM CDT up reply actions
I have a gibson les paul goldtop reissue, a gibson studio “gem” series les paul, and an off-brand japanese acoustic. I have a 70’s silverface fender musicmaster amp for screwing around, and a Sovtek 100W tube head with 4×12 cab for rocking. Also I have an old gibson falcon from the 60’s. My next purchase is going to be a fender twin and a stratocaster.
Brunettes not fighter jets
Sweet gear! :)
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 3:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Also
I totally agree with you on Ibanez. They make some of the best guitars, especially for the price.
As for taking off “20 years” from playing, you have been on" vacation" longer that I have been playing my entire life. I have been playing for about 12 years and if I had to rate myself, I would put me at a few steps above medicore at best.
I used to buy all my gear from my friend, but since he’s gone out of business, I have slowed way down on my purchasing.
I usually play a lot of acoustical. Just love the pure clean sound. I usually play a lot of classic rock with my SG. I try and do my best David Gilmour. I also love blues.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Well, I'm old and almost dead
I’m 48, and up until fairly recently, didn’t FEEL 48 (I’ve run a bunch of half marathons and shorter races and finished my only marathon in ‘07… and I’m no speed demon 4:49:59 for that…) LOL…
Anyway, playing music keeps your outlook fresh and fun. I’ve been playing guitar since 14; I started playing clarinet around 4th grade but had to switch to something cooler of course… it ended up being guitar because my Dad was to cheap to buy a drum set or a decent piano.
Watermelon carries Fender… they don’t carry Gibson because the company makes you carry a lot of stock, and if you’re small and local its difficult to afford to do so. They’ve got Gretsch, Godin, Ibanez, a couple of other Fender/Gibson clone companies – all good stuff. What I’ve found is that Ibanez offers the best value in the 300-700 range, but… you can find good guitars in the other non-Fender/Gibson brands for that price, but not uniformly throughout the guitar line.
I am lusting after a Fender Spalted Maple Telecaster right now.

This is the telecaster body style, but much thinner. The wood is gorgeous. The neck, rather than bolted on, is glued, you’ve got the upgraded bridge, and the pickups are Seymour Duncan humbuckers and hot as hell. What’s cool is the guitar has the traditional pickup knobs, but you can pull up on the tone control and its got a coil splitting circuit built in, so you turn the pickups into single coils and can get a more traditional tele sound.
I can afford to go out and buy it… but my GF would rip my gonads off… I think I need to take her on a vacation first ;)
I love a really high quality acoustic guitar and I go through periods of playing nothing but acoustic; in fact, I have a cheap Target purchased Fender at my mother’s house – its my house now since she passed, and I’ll be in Des Moines this coming week doing estate stuff at that house – that I practice on; I’m giving that guitar to my best buddy in Des Moines when I’m finished with the house. My hands aren’t that big and acoustic is a great way to build up your chops on electric.
I’ve accumulated most of that equipment I’ve posted, tho, in the past two years, and some of it has been financed by money I got from Mom… she would have wanted me to have had, but I wish she was still here. :(
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Correction
4:39:59… I made myself even slower. I was so po’ed that I didn’t make the “Oprah Standard” – Oprah ran her marathon in 4:30… of course, like Lance, she had an army of pacers, professional trainers, etc… if you can have a bunch of pacers run with you and shield you from the wind, its just like in cycling, you can reduce the amount of energy you spend running forward by 20-30 percent if someone is blocking the wind for you.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 3:25 PM CDT up reply actions
Gotta love the Maple wood grain!
I have had this one on my mind for some time.

It’s a PRS Paul Reed Smith Custom 24 Flame Maple 10 Top Electric Guitar
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Beautiful. I've played one of those in the store.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions
And what's your address? (Just kidding.)
Did you really pay $1000 dollars for a guitar? That seems… um… well, I only play a little so it seems excessive.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 15, 2010 11:59 AM CDT up reply actions
The most expensive one up there
Is the semi-hollowbody Ibanez. I paid $550 + tax.
You can buy a hell of a nice Ibanez for $1K, believe me.
If you want to get floored by guitar prices, go look at Musician’s Friend online – for $3K you can have the Slash version of a Les Paul…
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:20 PM CDT up reply actions
I have been palying with "cheaper" gear for most of my life.
It’s only been in the last 5 years I have started to upgrade to top level stuff.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
And there's nothing wrong with upgrading!
I’ll probably give the red Ibanez to my son if he’s interesting in learning to play, he just turned 10. My daughter is going to take Guitar as part of a Summer Camp/School and I’ve ordered a 3/4 size classical for her as she’s 8 and a tiny little girl… 14 days of 1 hour lessons in a row. If she decides she doesn’t like playing guitar, I’ll have a nice little practice instrument for taking to work and practicing at lunch.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 3:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Norm would have play the bass
Not high profile, rarely leads the band (Primus and Morphine not included) but insanely important to laying down the foundation of a successful track.
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on Apr 14, 2010 12:03 PM CDT reply actions
You can include...
Skillet in your (not included) part.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
and Mister Mister
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHXgHjDOxUM
I figure it would be more of Norm’s speed. Incidentally, never film a music video where your lead man is playing five whole notes repeatedly. It looks lame. Actually, never film a music video with a lead bass player at all unless he’s in a funk band.
I'm sorry
but I call foul on Mister Mister, shouldn’t be part of the discussion.
Any band that purchases Aqua-Net by the case needs to sit this discussion out.
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on Apr 14, 2010 12:23 PM CDT up reply actions
That leaves EVERYONE from the 80's off the list.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Not a problem for me
For every Eddie VanHalen that is booted there are 10 C.C. DeVils that need to go. Sorry Eddie, your ouster is tragic but necessary.
Norm never used Aqua-Net unless it held the frosting on his steak.
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on Apr 14, 2010 1:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Eddie. Taking one for the team. Classic.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Watching that video
really makes me want to run out and by a white leather duster jacket. That shit never goes out of style. BTW, it should be pointed out the lead singer of Mr. Mister, one Richard Page was born in the hometown of James Vandenberg, Keokuk, Iowa. Also, Page had the opportunity to be the lead singer for both Chicago and Toto, but turned them both down to lead Mr. Mister. So he has that going for him, which is nice.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
fail on my part for not including in first post
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on Apr 14, 2010 12:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Musically? First rate.
Lyrically? Meh.
I’d rather listen to Robert Plant sing about Hobbits.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Apr 14, 2010 12:48 PM CDT up reply actions
I thought it was Leonard Nimoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC73PHdQX04
Adrian Clayborn is strong enough to pull the ears off a Gundark
by The Bacon Explosion on Apr 14, 2010 1:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Don't forget Buckethead!
Buckethead… Thank You For Coming!
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 1:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Wasn't (Isn't) Type O Negative
fronted by the bass player? Can’t think of his name. Wait, I have the internet, Peter Steele
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 14, 2010 4:41 PM CDT up reply actions
A porn star?
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 14, 2010 4:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Everyone knows that Yngwie Malmsteen is the greatest
by ChryslerKinnick on Apr 14, 2010 2:40 PM CDT reply actions
Especially Yngwie
Rising Force is a great album, though.
by The Great Dark Spot Near Uranus on Apr 14, 2010 8:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, talk about an ego
He has memorized a lot of pattern arpeggios and plays them very well, very fast. But I would not call him a great improviser – great technician, yes. Think of him as an Ivan Lendl of guitar (Lendl was a great tennis player because of practice, not talent. Yngwie is essentially the same way. There are other neoclassical players out there a lot better than him).
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 11:29 PM CDT up reply actions
If Yngwie was anywhere as close to being as great...
as he thinks he is, he would be the best ever. A lot of flash on a scalloped fretboard. Not even close to great. Truly a one-trick pony. And if you want to see real speed, check out Al Dimeola.
Life is hard. It's really hard if you're stupid.
Or John McLaughlin, if we are talking about raw speed
But improvised raw speed rather than pattern playing.
DiMeola also plays a lot of patterns and scales, but he’s more creative and melodic than Yngwie (also a far better songwriter/musician).
A really good luthier can put together a scalloped setup that you can breathe on it and it will fret true. Which, of course, makes playing fast easier.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:18 PM CDT up reply actions
Possibly one of the greatest slide guitarists ever.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 2:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Yessir.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Apr 14, 2010 3:55 PM CDT up reply actions
About Allman
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Apr 14, 2010 3:55 PM CDT up reply actions
Doc Watson.
Any song. Nuff said.
"can your nerd powers explain what this dude is doing in the thread above? I think we’re already defeated"
by ReadingRambler on Apr 14, 2010 3:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Late at night when the urge comes to me...
I whip out my axe and slap the whammy bar and hammer the old fret bar all night long!!
We are talking about surfing porn, right?
If you feel like singing along, don't.
James Taylor
That escalated quickly...I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
by The Mexican't on Apr 14, 2010 11:04 PM CDT up reply actions
You've got to keep your head on a swivel when you find yourself in a vicious cockfight.
Wait, that’s not what I meant. . . . .
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 14, 2010 11:18 PM CDT up reply actions
Jazz is probably safe.
The Greatest Sax Player ever (its a tie, actually).


RIP, Coltrane and Brecker. John Coltrane invented the modern tenor jazz saxophone sound; Michael Brecker took it to a different level. Even when he was very ill with leukemia, it was said the scariest place to be in jazz was to be on stage with Michael Brecker after he soloed and it was your turn.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 11:33 PM CDT up reply actions
I vote Karl Malone
as greatest Jazz player ever.
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 14, 2010 11:35 PM CDT up reply actions
Hahaha
Wayman Tisdale was actually a pretty damned good bass player. Very sad that he died recently of bone cancer :(
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 14, 2010 11:36 PM CDT up reply actions
No Maravich?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Apr 14, 2010 11:41 PM CDT up reply actions
Best Saxophonist Ever?
You must be talking about Rob Lowe in St. Elmo’s Fire?

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 17, 2010 11:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Different era
But Coltrane definitely not possible without Charlie Parker.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:00 AM CDT up reply actions
Theolonious Monk
"There are only three certainties in college football: all players will eventually leave, the ACC will be bad, and Joe Paterno ", Clay Travis, CNNsi Fanhouse
Straight no chaser!
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Um...Kenny G?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Apr 15, 2010 12:19 AM CDT reply actions
Pat Metheny, um, trashes Kenny G
This is pretty funny. And what Pat is saying is essentially correct. Kenny is NOT a very good soprano sax player, but luck has a lot to do with making it in the music biz.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:23 PM CDT up reply actions
you can't even compare these two
it;s like Sinatra and Michael Buble (Sinatra light)
"There are only three certainties in college football: all players will eventually leave, the ACC will be bad, and Joe Paterno ", Clay Travis, CNNsi Fanhouse
This thread
fucking sucks.
Step ya game up, BHGP.
"I will go to Germany and then play in a couple of AAU Tournaments like Peach Jam and Boo Williams." - Junior Lomomba
by Ornery Woody on Apr 15, 2010 12:38 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Thanks for contributing.
I think you really helped to turn it around.
by The Mexican't on Apr 15, 2010 7:37 AM CDT up reply actions
Irony is
The worst cologne.
Music discussions on sports forums are pretty G.D. embarrassing.
/listeningtoPeterGammonsdiscussthelatestSuasanTedeschioffering
"I will go to Germany and then play in a couple of AAU Tournaments like Peach Jam and Boo Williams." - Junior Lomomba
by Ornery Woody on Apr 18, 2010 12:46 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Beer.
Boom, all better now.
Master of the convoluted IOWA cheers!
by EnergizerHawk on Apr 15, 2010 8:48 AM CDT up reply actions
Nobody even mentioned, to the best of my knowledge...
Chet Atkins. He was an influence to too many people not to be considered. Finger picking god.
Chet was beyond awesome
He usually practiced each night while lying in bed – often fell asleep with the guitar in his hands. Have you ever heard him play “The Stars and Stripes Forever” on classical fingerstyle? Its beautiful.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions
That is the third f-ing reference to Chet Atkins that I've heard in the last five days!
Is he coming back form the deaed or something. Seriously, on sunday he was referenced repeatedly on Prairie Home Companion, then yesterday a coworker brought him up and proceeded to name a bunch of his songs (trying to think of one in particular), and now this.
That’s just weird.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 15, 2010 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions
Speaking of Chet being dead and other dead guys
His album with Les Paul – Chester and Lester – is pretty good. They just sat down and recorded, and they left in the dialogue of them razzing each other while recording. Nice addition to your collection.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Apr 15, 2010 12:25 PM CDT up reply actions
How about Julian Bream?
I saw him St. Louis at the Sheldon on his last-ever American tour in 1997. I did not know that you could do that with a guitar. Simply amazing.
Life is hard. It's really hard if you're stupid.

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