Kirk Ferentz's Alternate Reality

The urge always comes late at night.

The urge always comes when he's alone at the office, when the silence surrounds him, when he's necessarily left to his own devices, when his brain is free from distraction--and must distract itself.

That's when Kirk Ferentz gets the urge to wonder what if. Not what if he'd taken the Michigan job, or the Notre Dame job, or any of the NFL jobs. That's no reason to wonder. No, his imagination is preoccupied with another possibility.

What if he'd pursued rock and roll instead of football?

Perhaps he'd have been no good. Or perhaps, if he'd have put in as many hours on the axe as he had in the film room, he'd have been a horned, hooved rock god, a fucking scorcher, Jimmy Page's badder, better younger brother. Yes, this is what his brain tells him.

And so he looks up at the picture of him getting doused by his players at the Orange Bowl, he smiles, and he squints just enough that the Gatorade looks like an epic mane of hair, fit for a rock god like himself. Then he closes his eyes all the way, remembers the roar of fans he hears every Saturday, and thinks maybe, just maybe they'd be making that noise for him if he were...

Kyrkfyryntzzz_medium
"Squeeze my lemon till the juice runs down my leg; squeeze it so hard I fall right outta bed..."

KYRK FYRYNTZZ!!!

Oh well. He's 54 now. That's ancient for rock stars. Maybe he could have just started coaching later. Maybe in another universe, in an alternate reality. Maybe.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker