MARCHIFORNICATION, ROUND 3: RISE OF SIBERIAN COBRA
by Adam Jacobi on Apr 1, 2010 10:51 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
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HERE CAT CAT CAT
WHERE IS THAT GOD-FORSAKEN CAT
SECRETARY
Ugh. For the last time, all that happened was some drunk hobo offered you a raccoon in exchange for your pants and everything in them. You basically got robbed of your wallet and like 10 rubber bands, because what the fuck is it with old people and rubber bands. The raccoon ran away as soon as you touched it. That's all that happened.
WHAT
What do you mean?
IT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE INSUBORDINATION IN HERE
AND I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO THE LECTURES OF SUBORDINATES
So... does that mean you will listen to me if I'm being insubordinate?
NO
I WANT THAT CAT BACK
Trololololololololoooooooo
OH I SEE
YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, IT MUST BE OVER THERE
SECRETARY, BOOK US TWO FLIGHTS FOR DARKEST SIBERIA
Wait, what?
WE MUST FIND THIS CAT AT ONCE
But all he did was say things like hohahohoahohahehoha
I CAN SPEAK HIS LANGUAGE
Is that so?
THAT IS CLEARLY HEBREW
Um.
AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT THIS WORLD, IT IS THE TONGUE OF THE RUSSIAN JEW
UNTRUSTWORTHY AS HE MAY BE
So do people vote in this one?
NO
Three weeks later...
WELCOME BACK, MYSELF
Did you find your raccoon-cat? Also, what the hell took you three weeks? That's ridiculous.
WE SEARCHED FAR AND WIDE, EVEN TO THE NOVOSIBIRSK OF AMERICA
FAIRBANKS, ALASKA
And?
NanananaNANANANAnanananaaaa
Trolololololololoooooo
JOEPAJOEPAJOEPAJOEPAJOEPA
Yeyeyeyayayeyeyeyaya
RAAARAAARRRRAARRRRRRGH
What the fuck is that?!
THE CAT
No, the gigantic intergalactic polar bear!
KITTY
WE SAW THIS LITTLE PUSSER CAT FIREBOMB COLUMBUS FROM A FIGHTER'S JET
But it's a freaking polar bear! They're not meant to live this far south or anything! Doesn't it have dietary concerns or something?
WE FED HIM GARY BARTA
burp
Meanwhile, in Pakistan...
Arf!
What's that, boy?
Woof! (points at satellite computer screen)
That has to be him! What are the coordinates
ARF ARF LATITUDE WOOF WOOF LONGITUDE
That's in...State College, PA? What's he doing there?? I figured he had to be in Pakistan.
Grrrrr...
I know, little buddy. Way off. It's going to get hairy, real quick. Time to get ready for war.
WARF
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Comments
Ummm....just one thing
and I know, picking nits here, but if I am not mistaken one should measure degrees latitude in WOOF’s and degrees longitude in ARF’s. Don’t worry, though. It’s a common mistake.
"You're going to go out there with a dick full of confidence. Then, you're going to go out there and shoot that confidence all over the stadium." -Blue Mountain State
This should end with Metcalf stabbing a cute little puppy in the back.
Unproductive since August 21st, 2008.
We might actually get one of these done in March...
if the goddamn basketball program would stop imploding every fucking year.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I guess that means that Meg is still the only true Marchifornication champion.
3 years running. That’s Tom Brands level dominance.
by The Mexican't on Apr 1, 2010 11:25 AM CDT up reply actions
Agreed.
I let BHGP fill out my census, too.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 11:21 AM CDT up reply actions
So there are eleventy million penises in the McCann't household?
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Of course!
Did you dip below the eleventy million penis mark in your household? Sounds like you could use some federal AIDS.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 11:23 AM CDT up reply actions
We went with twelve kajillion assholes instead.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Sounds like you've given me some options...
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions
I hope I'm nowhere near the next Ross/McCann't family get-together . . . .
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 1, 2010 11:55 AM CDT up reply actions
You may be the RESULT of the next Ross/McCann't get-together.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 11:56 AM CDT up reply actions
There are no words...
This kind of genius speaks for itself.
. . . . would make a tremendous defensive end.
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 1, 2010 11:50 AM CDT up reply actions
Would he need to wear a helmet?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 11:57 AM CDT up reply actions
I'm sure the no-fun-niks in the NCAA would say so.
Bastards.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
They let this guy officiate basketball games
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 12:21 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Jordi LaForge!!!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 1, 2010 12:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Geordi LaHightower.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions
LaHightower only wears the visor to bring attention to himself. Everyone knows he already calls things nobody else can see . . . .
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 1, 2010 12:32 PM CDT up reply actions
With the visor
He may be seeing things that we can’t see. He may see things in the future, before they happen. No, Fuck it. It’s only for the attention.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
FAIL
I meant Jordi LaHightower
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 1, 2010 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions
Your excitement for Mr. LaForge did seem kind of strange.
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 1, 2010 12:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Maybe he was excited
that he could recognize the reference despite the fact it’s my worst job of using paint.NET to-date.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 12:35 PM CDT up reply actions
How often in life does Mr. LaForge get brought up as a reference?
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 1, 2010 12:44 PM CDT up reply actions
If Ed Hightower...
had been the host of Reading Rainbow, then that would bring the list of “things I tolerate about Ed Hightower” to one.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 1, 2010 9:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Wouldn't have worked;
the Butterfly In the Sky would have been called for traveling.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 2, 2010 8:45 AM CDT up reply actions
Maybe we should call it "Traveling Rainbow."
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Apr 2, 2010 7:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Bra-fucking-vo!
Get James Lipton and Ace in a room together, we must know what drives such genius performances!
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Apr 1, 2010 11:51 AM CDT reply actions
David Cross once described Lipton as "reeking of failure"...
…and then had to star opposite him for multiple episodes of “Arrested Development”.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 11:55 AM CDT up reply actions
And, finally, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive?
Well, I’d like to hear him say, as he doffed his cap to me, “Well, Clint, James Lipton is in Hell right now, being raped by the Devil.”
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Apr 1, 2010 12:16 PM CDT up reply actions
INside the Actor's Studio jumped the shark...
…when they had special guest Pauly Shore talking about his “method.”
Oh, and “jumped the shark” jumped the shark a few years ago (by the way) but I still like to use it for that hipster irony (which has also jumped the shark). I’m like futuristic retro.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 1, 2010 12:32 PM CDT up reply actions
I think you just
climbed under the shark.
"We just forgot our pants. Nothing against the team or anything like that." -- take a guess
That's where I sleep.
And also where to get great views/angles of things jumping the shark.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 1, 2010 2:49 PM CDT up reply actions
Akin to
“Thanks for the words.”
“Yeah, well…”
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Apr 1, 2010 12:31 PM CDT up reply actions
/Stapp’d
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 12:37 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm warming you Adam Jacobi
One more post like this and the internet may break. You’re like the Large Hadron Collider of internet memes.
Romance is in the air
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 12:36 PM CDT up reply actions
JoePa jew comment link= intersting...
…they said Zug is getting reps in spring ball (wait for it)…………………………………… at PUNTER!
By Zug, the Penn St folks are either going to be estatic or apoplectic.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Apr 1, 2010 12:36 PM CDT reply actions
Or playing chess with the sons of Abraham.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Apr 1, 2010 6:56 PM CDT up reply actions
Neither has...
The great Ameristanzi.
But Lil’ Lick has. There is no doubt of that.
And another touchdown for Rick Stanzi! Too bad the poor man's apparently colorblind!
"HERE CAT CAT CAT"
I’m so happy this comment by JoePa was the continuance of this story, and I hope this story never ends.
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Apr 1, 2010 12:38 PM CDT reply actions
Shellshocked
may be an understatement here. I really need to stop looking at these at lunchtime. Can’t even find my failbracket for this one anymore. I’m just along for the ride.
Honey, I think we should name our baby boy Pencilman. Yes, Pencilman Furious Lipschitz. Kinda just rolls off the tongue. Whaddaya think?
How come you never hear of Mr.Clayborn and the Hockey Bear in the same place at the same time?
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Because the universe would implode.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Apr 1, 2010 2:34 PM CDT up reply actions
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