MARCHIFORNICATION, ROUND 3: RISE OF SIBERIAN COBRA

Iconjoepa_medium HERE CAT CAT CAT

Iconjoepa_medium WHERE IS THAT GOD-FORSAKEN CAT

Iconjoepa_medium SECRETARY

Iconsecretary_medium Ugh. For the last time, all that happened was some drunk hobo offered you a raccoon in exchange for your pants and everything in them. You basically got robbed of your wallet and like 10 rubber bands, because what the fuck is it with old people and rubber bands. The raccoon ran away as soon as you touched it. That's all that happened.

Iconjoepa_medium WHAT

Iconsecretary_medium What do you mean?

Iconjoepa_medium IT SOUNDS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE INSUBORDINATION IN HERE

Iconjoepa_medium AND I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO THE LECTURES OF SUBORDINATES

Iconsecretary_medium So... does that mean you will listen to me if I'm being insubordinate?

Iconjoepa_medium NO

Iconjoepa_medium I WANT THAT CAT BACK

Icontrolololo_medium Trololololololololoooooooo

Iconjoepa_medium OH I SEE

Iconjoepa_medium YES, YOU'RE RIGHT, IT MUST BE OVER THERE

Iconjoepa_medium SECRETARY, BOOK US TWO FLIGHTS FOR DARKEST SIBERIA

Iconsecretary_medium Wait, what?

Iconjoepa_medium WE MUST FIND THIS CAT AT ONCE

Iconsecretary_medium But all he did was say things like hohahohoahohahehoha

Iconjoepa_medium I CAN SPEAK HIS LANGUAGE

Iconsecretary_medium Is that so?

Iconjoepa_medium THAT IS CLEARLY HEBREW

Iconsecretary_medium Um.

Iconjoepa_medium AND IF THERE IS ONE THING I KNOW ABOUT THIS WORLD, IT IS THE TONGUE OF THE RUSSIAN JEW

Iconjoepa_medium UNTRUSTWORTHY AS HE MAY BE

Iconsecretary_medium So do people vote in this one?

Iconjoepa_medium NO

Three weeks later...

Iconjoepa_medium WELCOME BACK, MYSELF

Iconsecretary_medium Did you find your raccoon-cat? Also, what the hell took you three weeks? That's ridiculous.

Iconjoepa_medium WE SEARCHED FAR AND WIDE, EVEN TO THE NOVOSIBIRSK OF AMERICA

Iconjoepa_medium FAIRBANKS, ALASKA

Iconsecretary_medium And?

Icontrolololo_medium NanananaNANANANAnanananaaaa

Icontrololocat_medium Trolololololololoooooo

Iconjoepa_medium JOEPAJOEPAJOEPAJOEPAJOEPA

Icontrolololo_medium Yeyeyeyayayeyeyeyaya

Iconhockeybear_medium RAAARAAARRRRAARRRRRRGH

Iconsecretary_medium What the fuck is that?!

Iconjoepa_medium THE CAT

Iconsecretary_medium No, the gigantic intergalactic polar bear!

Iconjoepa_medium KITTY

Iconjoepa_medium WE SAW THIS LITTLE PUSSER CAT FIREBOMB COLUMBUS FROM A FIGHTER'S JET

Iconsecretary_medium But it's a freaking polar bear! They're not meant to live this far south or anything! Doesn't it have dietary concerns or something?

Iconjoepa_medium WE FED HIM GARY BARTA

Iconhockeybear_medium burp

Meanwhile, in Pakistan...

Iconace_medium Arf!

Iconclayborn_medium What's that, boy?

Iconace_medium Woof! (points at satellite computer screen)

Iconclayborn_medium That has to be him! What are the coordinates

Iconace_medium ARF ARF LATITUDE WOOF WOOF LONGITUDE

Iconclayborn_medium That's in...State College, PA? What's he doing there?? I figured he had to be in Pakistan.

Iconace_medium Grrrrr...

Iconclayborn_medium I know, little buddy. Way off. It's going to get hairy, real quick. Time to get ready for war.

Iconace_medium WARF

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