MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 1: TIM BREWSTER VS. RON ZOOK
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 9, 2010 12:00 PM CST
in News
52 comments
BOB ZOOK REGION, SEED #2: TIM BREWSTER
PROS
- God, where do we BEST TRY GOPHER CHAMPION start
- Falsified entire coaching record
- Coached some guy named "Chris Sims"
- Deleted 2008 Iowa game from 2009 Media Guide
- Hates Fat Pat
- Got away with murder in our imagination
CONS
- Tried feebly to strongarm the Minnesota AD
- Held Iowa to 12 points in 2009
- Just might be creating a decent enough team for new coach Rick Neuheisel to go 8-4 in 2011... wait, never mind
BOB ZOOK REGION, SEED #7: RON ZOOK
PROS
- Tanked pretty hard yet again this season
- Sent some weird 4:00 a.m. tweets
- Had a laughably bad recruiting season
- Blamed said bad recruiting on the fans
CONS
1 recs |
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My god
How do I vote for a tie, and where to I donate for their lifetime contracts?
Everybody wants a little milk of Michael
This could be a real battle...
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 9, 2010 12:09 PM CST reply actions 7 recs
Had to go with Zook
I feel that is ability to fail beats out Timmah!
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 9, 2010 12:11 PM CST up reply actions
I will have to disagree.
When you have to take the time to try to hide your fail, by obsucring or omitting it, thats EPIC GO!!!! FAIL!!!! TRY!!! FAIL!!! WIN !!! FAIL!!!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 9, 2010 12:27 PM CST up reply actions
But failing to beat Fresno State on such a fluke play
I feel that qualifies the ’Zooker as more apt at failing than Brewster (even if Timmah! lost to ISU). Then you throw in the QB shuffle they were doing, and the inability to win games with a decent roster of returning players. At least Brewster got his team to be bowl eligible.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 9, 2010 12:43 PM CST up reply actions
The Fresno State play/last drive/game
is exactly why I voted for the Zooker. I want him around forever.
by shada's revenge on Mar 9, 2010 6:36 PM CST up reply actions
I had the good fortune
to actually be watching that game (I have no idea why). When the final play happened I remember laughing uncontrollably for several minutes after the camera caught Zook with a look that can be described someone who has managed to sit on their own balls while being severely constipated. It was glorious.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 9, 2010 10:17 PM CST up reply actions
I'm guessing it was the fact that Pitt/Cincinnati had just ended
And the Florida/Alabama game was a few minutes away from kickoff when that game ended. I remember watching that failure and laughing uncontrollably as well.
What a day, the WannFail, Zooker Implosion, and the Tebow Tears. I can’t think of a better day that week.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 10, 2010 11:58 AM CST up reply actions
Agreed
The Zooker has proven he is able to fail at multiple places. Timmy, only one.
Also, gotta give Zook mad props for engineering an admissions scandal that resulted in the President and most of the Board of Trustees resigning, and giving the University much more to worry about than replacing him.
And I hate when Minnesota wins anything.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
You people
have no idea how much I wish I’d gotten this picture from HFMR 15 minutes earlier. It’s glorious.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
This is probably more accurate
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 9, 2010 7:23 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Anyone who votes for Brewster is a fool.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
I agree
If you can keep your job after the Fresno State debacle, you are clearly the “better” coach.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 9, 2010 12:17 PM CST up reply actions
This is like Princeton vs. UCLA in '96, but if the refs had called a technical or something on Princeton before the backdoor score.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
hahaha backdoor score
Oh, basketball terms, how I love you.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 9, 2010 12:17 PM CST up reply actions
Zook needs to be beat by a Hawk...
…so he must advance. I can wait until the fall for Brew to get a Hawkeye beatdown.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 9, 2010 12:18 PM CST reply actions
Bigger fail?
Zook – all of 2009 (with the expectations of top half of Big XI finish), any game the fighting Zookers scored 30+ points and still lost.
Timmah! – second half of 2008, 2009 and losing to ISU in the Blow Bowl.
This is such a tough call, hard to wrap my brain around the fact the bigger fail gets my vote. I have to reflect on this for at least an hour.
Ultimate question – As a fan of either, which coach would be more likely to cause me to dunk my head in a public toilet?
"Well of course, there's nothing better than being American!!!" - Ricky Americanzi, Jan. 5th, 2010
by The Bacon Explosion on Mar 9, 2010 12:26 PM CST reply actions
Brewster
CAuse anything can be done in bathrooms in Minnesota
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 9, 2010 12:29 PM CST up reply actions
The 2009 Season for the 'Zooker speaks for itself
His ability to attract a decent set of guys to play for him, and still failing to beat Fresno State makes it that much sweeter of an EPIC FAIL. Plus, who can argue that the end of the Fresno State game was not the sweetest/most satisfying/most hilarious/most fitting loss you saw at the hands of the ’Zooker this season?
Brewster got the Gophers to a bowl game this year, so I give them credit for that. His second half meltdown in 2008 was pretty funny to watch; however, everyone’s pimping of Zook this season still makes their shitty season that much sweeter.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 9, 2010 12:47 PM CST up reply actions
How about
adding a “who gives a shit” vote?
Actually, I think both should be eliminated giving a bye to the opponent in the next round!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
How can you not give a shit about Tim Brewster?
I mean… it’s like Ricky Stanzi not giving a shit about America.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
The always-helpful SBN sidebar points out this fabulous piece of evidence, which should not go ignored.
I’d like to see Brewster grow a ’stache like that.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
... oh my.
Once again the commentariat here exceeds my wildest expectations.
I think the handlebar sides give Zook the edge, though.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Don't underestimate the butt-cut, man.
It’s formidable.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
I think his mustache's origin
is from the underside of his lips…creepy.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 9, 2010 10:19 PM CST up reply actions
Illinois got blown out by Indiana.
Can you really vote against Zook?
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
It's a Zook rout on the field, no question.
But Brewster’s tweets and record book mismanagement tip him over the edge for me. He was the total package this year.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Of course we can
Cause Ron and The Fighting Zookers get beat by everybody they face.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 9, 2010 2:21 PM CST up reply actions
Honestly, unless you're a fan/alum of one of these schools...
you simply can’t lose. WIN!! FIGHT!!! LOSE!!!! Vs Zooker = Hawkeye Victory.
To quote SMA, you are all too close to see the picture.
Minnesota is your end-of-season rival, and this blinds you to the fact that Ron Zook is vastly superior to Brewster. He stalked Jebus (the archives at your old site are incredible), started Juice Williams, somehow recruited J Leman, and he INVENTED Crazy Big Ten Coaches on Twitter. Brewster is just a glory hound.
So, Brewster lost to ISU. Great, get Kirk Ferentz a Twitter feed and you’ll let him take Brewster’s place.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
Kirk's twitter feed
would be the most boring ever.
“Weather is great today, looking forward to practice”
“Close game yesterday. Glad we won, but time to prepare for this week”
“Norm brought lunch, not sure what it was but boy did it taste good”
“KOK whining about Norm buying him Football For Dummies every week. Told him to talk like a man.”
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
"I am typing a message on Twitter"
over and over, every day.
by Brock Sampson on Mar 9, 2010 4:07 PM CST up reply actions
"Certainly Twitter is a tremendous resource
and you just can’t put a price on what it does behind the scenes. Twitter really puts in the hard work that, certainly, many people don’t get to see on a daily basis."
by shada's revenge on Mar 9, 2010 6:40 PM CST up reply actions
Actually...
Kirk Ferentz is @Jesus_M_Christ.
#littleknownfacts
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 9, 2010 7:07 PM CST up reply actions
As a lifetime achiever
No question the Zooker is way above Brewster in terms of both ends of the spectrum, Epic Fail and actual success. The lifetime achievement award for big ten coaches is his, though I do miss ol’ John L. You’re rignt, Brewster is relatively harmless, but he scored such style points this year that I’m leaning his way. I will cast my vote in the morning, have to sleep on this one.
I only became a Hawkeye when I started school there so Minnesota still doesn’t mean as much to me. Neither does ISU, because in my time we killed them, and since I am a graduate of Ames High, I know what they’re about. OSU and Michigan, and for me, Illinois, for some reason, are another matter completely. Even though I generally dislike the Iliini, and Zook just seems to go with kook, its hard to deny the only super bowl winning coach in the big ten—just ask him.
Wait a second.
I’m confused by this.
I only became a Hawkeye when I started school there…
I am a graduate of Ames High
You went to Iowa AND Iowa State?
by Abbas_Cincinnatus on Mar 10, 2010 9:05 AM CST up reply actions
This is where I have to disagree with you
This isn’t a lifetime fail achievement award. Zook’s overall record is amazing, but this year, he was more of a garden variety crappy coach. Brewster was an equally crappy coach, and should win on the intangibles.
Besides, Zook lost to Fresno State, but Brewster lost to Zook. And Iowa State. And almost South Dakota State.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 9, 2010 6:29 PM CST up reply actions
Wait, he actually did lose to Zook.
Holy crap. I was under the opposite impression. But you’re right. 35-32.
Can I change my vote?
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 9, 2010 7:10 PM CST up reply actions
Yes, but that's all old shit.
Brewster is the here and now.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Seriously, can I change my vote?
That man is a machine.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 9, 2010 9:44 PM CST up reply actions
Had to go with the Zooker
I have a feeling this year might be my last chance to vote for him, while Brewster looks like he will inexplicably be with us for several more seasons. It’s kind of a “gold watch” vote for his years of service.
the kind you'd use to rig a LA city bus with enough explosive to "put a hole in the world"?
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 9, 2010 4:50 PM CST up reply actions
I agree, tough 1st round matchup
Zook’s whole body of work is stronger than Brewster’s. For now. If Minnesota fails next year, though, watch out.
by Beavis Beefcake on Mar 9, 2010 7:36 PM CST up reply actions
After a full day's reflection
and reading all the posts, I have go with the Zooker. His level of fail IMHO exceeds Timmah!‘s at this point. That doesn’t mean that will some really strong non-effort and another bathroom romp it might be different next year but Zooker is clearly the winner? at this juncture.
And damn, I didn’t know I was going to have to think so hard for Marchifornication.
"Well of course, there's nothing better than being American!!!" - Ricky Americanzi, Jan. 5th, 2010
by The Bacon Explosion on Mar 10, 2010 7:31 AM CST reply actions
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