SEED 2: JOE PATERNO

PROS

HANG ON JUST ONE SPANIARD'S MINUTE HERE

 Yes, Mr. Paterno?

 THANK YOU

 I KNOW FULL WELL CORNSHOE'S MODUS OPERANDI HERE

 HE LULLS YOU INTO A FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY, THEN HE USES HIS DRUID MAGIC TO TURN AN ORDINARY HOUSEHOLD OBJECT INTO A CIVIL WAR CANNON

 AT WHICH POINT IT FIRES AND YOUR HEAD FLIES A GOOD 300 YARDS

Haha, yeah, I do that. Speaking of which, that microwave behind you, there's something you shou

 SILENCE YOU KNAVE

 BEFORE I TURN AROUND AND EAT MY OWN TEETH AT 4,000 MILES PER HOUR, I HAVE ONE QUESTION

 Which is?

 KNOCK KNOCK

 A riddle! Well, who's there?

 TROLO

 Trolo whom?

TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO

 BRAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA

That crooning Soviet just mowed Cornshoe Hammaker down with an AK-47! He'll never ride again!

 DOUBLE AGENT COMMUNIST SINGER MAN, I BELIEVE YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL THIS INFERNAL BLOG

 EAT MY DUSTY GRANDPA FARTS, WORLD, THE JUNKIE COSMONAUT AND I ARE HEADED TO THE TITLE

Joe Paterno has advanced to the second round on disqualification (BHGP Marchifornication Rule 13.b, Section 4.a.1.4: no getting shot to death by the Soviets)!