Ro-Tel Is Full of Art-Suppressing Communist Fascists
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 4, 2010 3:15 PM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
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PrintImagine our delight this morning, when this missive sprange forth from the Ro-Tel Twitter account, which apparently exists and is a real thing:
Now, we're always up for a challenge, as long as it isn't "take it easy on the porn and the doobies for 24 whole hours" or something wildly unreasonable. So we wanted to see if our surefire grand-prize-winning idea would be any help in this contest. Here's the actual conversation that ensued (you have to read from the bottom, because it's Twitter and what can you do):
You. Bastards. THE "QUESO DIP" IS A WINNER. But we're not going to go through that kind of trouble if it doesn't guarantee victory; the last thing we want is to go through that trouble and then lose to some frat-tastic asshole with bangs named "Kody" who's just eating one serving of queso while he watches Georgetown on ESPN or something.
So here's the deal. The winner of this contest gets a lot of queso, right? I hope you can already see where this is going. So if we win, I'm taking that Queso For 100, putting it in my bathtub, and taking myself a jimmer-jammin' QUESO DIP. With pictures (I'll spare you the balls and all that). Believe that.
Q: Are you serious?
A: As a fucking heart attack. Which the queso will give me.
Q: Wait, you're actually going to eat some while you're bathing in it?
A: BALLIN' OUT OF CONTROL.
Q: I have to go throw up. This isn't a question, I'm now physically ill.
A: Marchifornication cannot be stopped.
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They added me first.
And really, any time a queso dip wants to be your friend on Twitter, you let it.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Sounds cool.
Anyway, I think we need to combine ads on the Big Ten Network.
The taco’s long, your spirit’s strong. Eating down this rooooaaaad. Close shave, America. Close shave, crappy Queso.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
Exactly.
Perhaps some sort of queso syrup for your coital pancakes will win.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 4, 2010 4:34 PM CST up reply actions
Please be sure to add
Barbasol to the top of your “Queso Dip” so it looks like sour cream. You will own the Big Ten prizes. (And possibly the BTN.)
RUSSIAN BASTARDS STOLE OUR TACO SAUCE
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 4, 2010 3:58 PM CST up reply actions
That's definitely Arabic
TERRORIST BASTARDS STOLE OUR TACO SAUCE
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
No, it's Russian.
Terrorists hate pork products.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 4, 2010 4:21 PM CST up reply actions
I think it's Pork
Arabians hate Russians.
by storminspank on Mar 4, 2010 4:26 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Arabian:
Arab:
Careful with how you use them, you would hate to be accused of being an anti-semantic…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 4, 2010 4:59 PM CST up reply actions
Arabs and Jews
are both Semetic peoples. Therein lies the pun (which I guess you missed).
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 5, 2010 9:30 AM CST up reply actions
oops, hit enter
Semitic refers to all the peoples sharing a language group: Arabic, Hebrew, Aramaic, Phoenician, etc. Anti-Semitic refers to prejudice against Jewish people. The word Semitic is from the 18th century, the word anti-Semitic from the 20th. I bet you can guess when and where the latter word was coined.
Brunettes not fighter jets
I bet Rambler knows!!!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 5, 2010 1:42 PM CST up reply actions
that looks dangerous if that first horse stops short suddenly
the 2nd horse might end up in an uncomfortable place (not the back of a Volkswagen…)
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 5, 2010 12:15 PM CST up reply actions
If I had a dollar for every "Mallrats" reference I heard
I would have one dollar.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 5, 2010 3:17 PM CST up reply actions
OK
TWO dollars.
“The ‘Whale’ only beats Vancouver once, maybe twice, in a lifetime!”
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 7, 2010 11:39 AM CST up reply actions
You're going to need some serious plumbing help to rid a bath tub of queso.
Unless you manage to eat the entire amount and then move to a toilet for phase 2.
in which case,
the plumbing help, although delayed, will still be necessary.
Ankles! We don't need no stinking ankles!
by three and out the kok story on Mar 4, 2010 4:12 PM CST up reply actions
I work with a guy named Kody.
Every day, five o’clock on the nose, he’s gone for the day. If he hasn’t left already. Our nickname for him is “Out of Office.”
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Mar 4, 2010 4:15 PM CST reply actions
Hey ahole!
Don’t judge me bro! I want to go home and play MW2 for 7 hours! I’ve got cats to feed as well, Tinkerbell has an overactive bladder, if i don’t get home right at 5:15 she can’t contain herself.
Remember this, bro: The tallest blade of grass is always the first to be cut by the lawnmower!
Signed;
Kody “Bromaster” OutOfOffice
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 4, 2010 4:25 PM CST up reply actions
Out of Office...
just walked out the door at 4:59.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Mar 4, 2010 4:59 PM CST up reply actions
Does Kody OutOfOffice
by chance wear Armani and drive a Ferrari?
justasking.
"Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad." - The Waco Kid
Naw...
Shirts and sweaters that are a couple sizes too small.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Mar 4, 2010 5:43 PM CST up reply actions
Is your bathtub big enough for two?
I’ll bring the chips
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 4, 2010 5:33 PM CST reply actions
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