There was absolutely nothing good to say about last night's game between the Hawkeyes and Badgers--suffice it to say, John Bohnenkamp's grades of straight Fs were entirely warranted--but there was one thing in the box score that stood out to us:
That's right, the extremely rare 12 trillion. That means Devan Bawinkel was on the floor for 30% of the entire game and accomplished not one thing of statistical note--not even a foul or a turnover.
This may seem like a momentous accomplishment, and in its own way it certainly is, but it's hardly something to be proud of, even for the Club Trillion founder, Mark Titus. Here's what he had to say about the upper reaches of trillion acceptability:
The reason a five trillion is actually worse than a four trillion is because there has to be a point in which the player is no longer playing the role of benchwarmer soaking up the scrub time, but is instead playing the role of "guy who could make his way into the rotation if he didn’t choose to do absolutely nothing with his opportunity". Someone who is playing five minutes in a game and isn’t doing anything of importance is basically just wasting everyone’s time. The fact that they’ve managed to get more than four minutes means that they shouldn’t be treated as a scrub for that particular game, because scrub time officially starts with four minutes left and a 20 point lead. As such, because they haven’t been dubbed a "scrub" ("dub a scrub" is a fun phrase) they have an obligation to entertain the crowd with their play instead of trying to be inefficient by getting a trillion. When scrubs get trillions, it’s riveting stuff. When guys playing five or more minutes get trillions, it’s borderline depressing.
Yeah. 5 is unacceptable, and Bawinkel ripped off a 12. We don't have the resources to properly investigate whether this is the largest trillion in college basketball history, so we'll just go ahead and declare it the world's greatest until proven wrong.