J LEMAN REGION, SEED #4: GIRLS' GENERATION

PROS:

• Danced around with a Hawkeye helmet and pretended it was a Tickle Me Elmo or something
• Blew the charts up in South Korea
• Are all at least 18

CONS:

• May not be specifically in love with the Iowa football team, per se
• May have ripped the whole Iowa thing off from some Japanese alt-rockers
• Aren't actual cheerleaders, but want to be them

J LEMAN REGION, SEED #5: KRISSY COX

PROS:

• Totally sold out Northwestern, its athletics, and its fans
• Made the jNWU Internet melt down
• Probably drives like six Ferraris
• Is also over 18

CONS:

• Could have picked a better magazine to do her nefarious bidding than some shitrag like ESPN the Magazine
• Is an actual cheerleader, but doesn't want to be one. Ay, life's ironies!