MARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 1: GIRLS GENERATION VS. KRISSY COX
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 3, 2010 12:00 PM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
Email
Print
J LEMAN REGION, SEED #4: GIRLS' GENERATION
PROS:
- Danced around with a Hawkeye helmet and pretended it was a Tickle Me Elmo or something
- Blew the charts up in South Korea
- Are all at least 18
CONS:
- May not be specifically in love with the Iowa football team, per se
- May have ripped the whole Iowa thing off from some Japanese alt-rockers
- Aren't actual cheerleaders, but want to be them
J LEMAN REGION, SEED #5: KRISSY COX
PROS:
- Totally sold out Northwestern, its athletics, and its fans
- Made the jNWU Internet melt down
- Probably drives like six Ferraris
- Is also over 18
CONS:
- Could have picked a better magazine to do her nefarious bidding than some shitrag like ESPN the Magazine
- Is an actual cheerleader, but doesn't want to be one. Ay, life's ironies!
105 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Can you really say "Krissy Cox" without smiling and voting for her?
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
I had to vote Krissy
She made sure to eat her big helping of jNWU Fail Flakes for breakfast before speeding off in her Ferrari to meet tWWL’s magazine wirter so she could spill all of her knowledge of jNWU Athletics. And then she EPICALLY FAILS once it hits the national stage.
Only at jNWU.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
Gotta go with Girls Generation. jNWU never wins at anything.
{plugs ears}
Shut up, reality.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 3, 2010 12:16 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
A battle of epic proportions
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 3, 2010 12:17 PM CST reply actions 7 recs
Speechless!!
Bravo good sir!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 3, 2010 12:18 PM CST up reply actions
Tremendous.
One thousand shots of Everclear to you, good sir.
Kitana is totally gonna shred that bitch.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
That's Mileena, dude
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 3, 2010 1:38 PM CST up reply actions
D'oh.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Get Over Here
I think I remember Hawkeye State talking nonsense about how good he thought he was with Kitana. I would Scorpion the fuck out of him.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 3, 2010 2:19 PM CST up reply actions
Oh fuck you
Back-back-back-HK-jump-LK-forward-forward-HP+LP = this, eventually.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
Please
You’d be way too busy getting “Get Over Here’d” and warpy-punched. By the time you got around to throwing one of your cutesy little fans, it’d be too late.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 3, 2010 2:52 PM CST up reply actions
Hopefully not fatality
Wouldn’t want her to miss an opportunity to continue to bash her own school and all
I think under Con for Krissy Cox
We should also note that she isn’t that great looking. She will probably never be a trophy wife.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 3, 2010 12:21 PM CST reply actions
You don't go to jNWU to be a trophy wife.
You go to become a SugaMomma or SugaDaddy.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 3, 2010 12:23 PM CST up reply actions
I was torn as to what I would call her
SugaMomma definitely crossed my mind; however, I have only met a few girls who went to jNWU. Granted, it is a small sample size, but 100% of them went there to get their Mrs. Degree.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 3, 2010 1:09 PM CST up reply actions
I thought that's what home schooling was for?
http://www.instantrimshot.com/
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 3, 2010 1:13 PM CST up reply actions
Maybe in Alabama
Not so much in Illinois. Although, this could be be in Southern Illinois.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 3, 2010 1:14 PM CST up reply actions
Nah.
Way too many voters who have made the company of far homelier women than Ms. Cox, myself included. No sense in fronting.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Sad to say
but this is true.
/head bowed, shoulders slumped
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 3, 2010 12:41 PM CST up reply actions
I'll agree with you there
I was merely comparing her to the Korean chicks from the video, especially now that I know they’re 18!
I must also admit to making the company of far homelier women than Ms. Cox, as I’m sure my friends who comment on BHGP and know me in real life would call my bullshit in seconds. They also would likely post names and/or photos of said women (I have some real asshole friends).
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 3, 2010 1:11 PM CST up reply actions
re: photo of said woman
Their actual photos would probably break the internet. 
Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.
by Give Eddie a Beer on Mar 4, 2010 10:19 AM CST up reply actions
I know I've done that...
As in, last night. With a certain Beverly Jacobi.
Boom, baby!
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
Your Aunt Beverly sounds hot.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 3, 2010 1:17 PM CST up reply actions
and gold pants.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
Let's leave the mothers out of this!
Besides, we all know Jacobi is just upset because he finished second in the ratings again.
HOW BIG IS MARCHIFORNICATION?
So big it gets UI President Sally Mason to chime in, that’s how big.
We win the internets. Again.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Wait
Is this legit? Did ole’ Sal-dawg Mason really have something to say?
USA number 1!
by BroncoHawkeye on Mar 3, 2010 3:21 PM CST up reply actions
Oh shit
Nevermind. Just figured that one out.
Clever girl.
USA number 1!
by BroncoHawkeye on Mar 3, 2010 3:23 PM CST up reply actions
Those BallHype algorithms are flawed and you know it!
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
I ain't no Matt Damon
And I’m sure not gonna bash the looks of somebody who has the guts to put on a cheerleader outfit in front of 100,000+ hostile douchebag OSU fans.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
As much as I love a big helping of Northwestern fail
Korean girls loving the Hawks has to win
It never gets to be easy
A vote for Cox...
is a vote for funny names as well as a jab at jNWU. I like Cox. Krissy, that is.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Mar 3, 2010 12:50 PM CST reply actions
Gotta Go With Krissy
First off, it’s not 100% clear that she actually said what she reportedly said. Even if she did, all she was doing was echoing the feelings of one of history’s great ass kickers.
When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big league ball player, the toughest boxer. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. … Because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans. – Patton
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
I'm Ricky Stanzi
and I approve this message
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 3, 2010 2:29 PM CST up reply actions
I too had to vote for Cox. If only because, although the football team was exceptionally good by historical jNW standards during her tenure, she allegedly complained about their performance (fail) and shitty fans (true). The whole thing is fucking funny. However, I have no complaints about the Korean girls. They’re curiously bizarre in ways I don’t understand.
So far, perv vote hasn't been nearly as dominating as I would have expected
I, however, have done all I can to rectify the situation.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
On the contrary, HeroPatriots should vote Cox
IF YOU DON’T LOVE IT, LEAVE IT. USA, NUMBER ONE!
"Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad." - The Waco Kid
You love Cox?
NTTAWWT
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Mar 3, 2010 1:36 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
Stuffing the box?
The ballot box, that is. Perv.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
“One of these things is not like the other… One of these things just doesn’t belong…”
"Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad." - The Waco Kid
The one with the straight legs doesn't belong
See, everybody else has bent legs. Yes.
by EnergizerHawk on Mar 3, 2010 1:23 PM CST up reply actions
er,
at least their legs are bent at the knees in such a way that the leg is no longer straight. Whatever.
by EnergizerHawk on Mar 3, 2010 1:24 PM CST up reply actions
While we're on the topic of embarassing confessions...
This song is most played on my iPod. By a wide margin.
Turns out pop music is infinitely better when it’s in another language.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
not quite as embarrassing but....
I’m responsible for at least half of those 4+ million youtube views….I’m lonely
The following is most played on my iPod. By a small margin, but still.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44_rtJxPg0s
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 3, 2010 1:27 PM CST up reply actions
I've had a rough night and I hate the fucking Eagles, man!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 3, 2010 6:44 PM CST up reply actions
My top song is pretty similar.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxelXPg961M
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Wow.
Abominable Snowman a la the claymation Rudolph, caveman guitar solo, lightening shooting from some guy’s eyes…
…I’m at work, so I have no sound, but based on pictures alone, that video has more ROCK than I can handle.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 3, 2010 1:50 PM CST up reply actions
How is there no Hockeybearn in this video?
by Internet Legend on Mar 3, 2010 4:00 PM CST up reply actions
This video features ritual sacrifice,
unfrozen cavemen, a Yeti and Mastadon instead of Kenny Loggins. This kicks the shit out of Hockeybear.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 3, 2010 6:46 PM CST up reply actions
Not as embarassing as the fact
That it supplanted Richard Marx as your most listened to song.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Mar 3, 2010 1:38 PM CST via mobile up reply actions
A decision made simpler because Jacobi hates Hold Steady.
by The Mexican't on Mar 3, 2010 1:43 PM CST up reply actions
Oops I thought you said "simply" rather than "simpler"
But yeah. My comment was almost entirely motivated by him saying mean things about The Hold Steady that one time.
I just listened to one of their songs.
Jacobi is right.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 3, 2010 3:18 PM CST up reply actions
He sounds like he has a nasal issue.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 3, 2010 3:22 PM CST up reply actions
I've got your nasal issue right here, sir.
shakes fist
by The Mexican't on Mar 3, 2010 4:41 PM CST up reply actions
I think he must have braces.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 3, 2010 5:56 PM CST up reply actions
I happen to count the Dubliners as rock music.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 3, 2010 5:57 PM CST up reply actions
James Joyce's Dubliners?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 3, 2010 6:48 PM CST up reply actions
Worked for Johnny Cash.
Sorry, doesn’t work here.
I suggest he change his lyrics to finding out he has a bad name and beating up his father for revenge.
"It’s just that, reading through this thread, it appears you’re getting your ass kicked." -jtothep
by ReadingRambler on Mar 3, 2010 7:23 PM CST up reply actions
Um, no.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 3, 2010 1:53 PM CST up reply actions
Agreed.
"I am in blood stepped in so far that should I wade no more, Returning were as tedious as go o’er." - Adrian Clayborn
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Mar 3, 2010 2:27 PM CST up reply actions
Here's my most played right now.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4l14naR3dJQ
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 3, 2010 1:43 PM CST up reply actions
zzz
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Mar 3, 2010 1:27 PM CST reply actions
Here's mine, as of late, original version, of course...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KdHuZXWxGo
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Mar 3, 2010 1:32 PM CST reply actions
Don't know why I zzz'd, by the way...
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Mar 3, 2010 1:34 PM CST up reply actions
Krissy's gettin' licked
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 3, 2010 1:47 PM CST reply actions
Cox Lollipop FTW
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Mar 3, 2010 1:47 PM CST up reply actions
jNW shouldn't win at anything
Even if the win would be a backhanded bitchslap.
Opa, Opa, Opa – whatever that means.
"Well of course, there's nothing better than being American!!!" - Ricky Americanzi, Jan. 5th, 2010
by The Bacon Explosion on Mar 3, 2010 1:47 PM CST reply actions
I believe it's German for "Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandpa."
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Also very nice to see
The “dumb blonde” translates into any language.
"Well of course, there's nothing better than being American!!!" - Ricky Americanzi, Jan. 5th, 2010
by The Bacon Explosion on Mar 3, 2010 1:53 PM CST reply actions
Do any of the girls on Girls Generation have a name that translates to penis?
Because that could make this decision a lot easier for me.
Anyone who sells out jNW is a friend of mine...
Although by the time I voted, the election was already over…it’s like I just threw a vote away voting for the Cox.
Now I know what it’s like to vote Libertarian.
Well...
If Girls Generation misses a field goal, gets called for a late hit penalty, and then fails to recover an onside kick, I think Krissy Cox just may have a shot.
/climbs into bathtub, slits wrists
/gargles drain cleaner
/ties plastic bag over head, breathes
/sticks fork in electric socket
/rams head into desk repeatedly
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I wouldn't worry about
Krissy is prepared for this situation
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 3, 2010 3:19 PM CST up reply actions
I didn't realize
the standard cheerleader emegency kit of kneepads, mouthwash and lipstick was so useful.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
Maybe Conf USA refs will show up to even things up for ol’ jNW backarching/plump cheerleader. Because her daddy wears Armani and keeps her in ferraris and can afford Conf USA refs.
pffft
Conf USA refs are for chumps. SEC refs are the big time. Plus, no one would ever accuse them of being either fair or accurate.
Come to think of it, the SEC has the Ed Hightowers of college football refs
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 3, 2010 7:07 PM CST up reply actions
I'll take Girls Generation for $1000, Alex.
Nine nubile Korean chicks beat a jNWU cheerleader (and future high-maintenance suburbanite twat) any day.
But if Krissy wanted to pay my bills in exchange for some pipe-laying once she graduates, my vote could swiftly change. I’m a cheap slut like that.
LEAVE KRISSY ALONE
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 3, 2010 9:36 PM CST up reply actions
Krissy!
Anyone going against jNWU deserves it. But than again, does she deserve it… After all…. She is…… jKRISSY.
by tyler slasher on Mar 3, 2010 10:48 PM CST via mobile reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
