THE DEFINITIVE IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 26, 2010 2:36 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Basketball
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PrintWe know who Iowa's next coach is going to be. It's a familiar name, but a total surprise all the same. And we can prove it. And that's all you get before the jump.
SO. Our FlightAware spies alerted us to this strange happening-- a single-prop plane registered to the State of Iowa, flying out of the Iowa City airport this morning. Odds that this is Gary Barta? Eight thousand percent. Destination, the middle of Kansas:
Clearly, what one would take from this is that Gregg Marshall at Wichita State is their target. But he's already passed on the job. More importantly, this was just the first leg of the plane's trip. Check out where they're headed next:
OH HO HO. Northeastern New Mexico, you say? Barta's come crawling back to [COACH FUCKING REDACTED]! We all knew it was going to happen!
One problem, though. The plane was set to take off again in 35 minutes. We all know that every meeting with S. Alford requires at least 52 minutes of ass-kissing, followed by 2 hours of recitation of his exploits in Bloomington. So that wasn't going to happen. Shame, really; Iowa could really stand to "get to the next level" and "be a basketball school" and "something something don't you know who I am."
The last leg of the trip is the most shocking, though. Observe where the plane's heading now:
Southern Arizona? People, that settles it: THE GADSDEN PURCHASE IS THE NEXT BASKETBALL COACH AT THE UNIVERSITY OF IOWA. How could we not have seen it coming? It was right under our noses the entire time (much in the same way that the Gadsden Purchase is under Arizona the entire time), and that wily Gary Barta left all the vetting to us at BHGP.
The Gadsden Purchase does not have any head coaching experience that we're aware of, but it does host the Hummingbird Capital of the U.S. in Sierra Vista. For that reason alone, this hire is a home run. Let the Hummingbird Era begin!
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Does that mean...
Our new mascot for the basketball team is going to be the hummingbirds? I’m picture light blue and green uniforms, with some wings on the shoulders like Oregon’s football uniforms.
It's not that I'm lazy, Bob, it's that I just don't care
I just threw up in my mouth.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Yup.
And I feel bad for whoever’s the new mascot—their arms are going to get tired pretty quickly.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Look! He's flapping!
My dentist once fixed Russ Millard's tooth at 1 in the morning.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 26, 2010 2:53 PM CDT up reply actions
More like turtleing.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 26, 2010 2:59 PM CDT up reply actions
He looks like an oriole, not a hummingbird.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
I don't know about this
as someone who lives very close to the Gadsen Purchase, I hear more things than you would in Iowa. Word has it that Gadsen is a complete hard-ass, has no respect for fans or media, and once killed a hooker.
Plus, he is rumored to be very good friends with Coach [Redacted] and was the main instigator for his departure to the Southwest so they could remain close…
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 26, 2010 3:19 PM CDT reply actions
Gadsden Purchase? Meh.
My source told me the position was HockeyBear’s but he was demanding too much. He wanted personal use of the University’s F-22 Raptor and access to their nuclear arsenal to annihilate the rest of the Big 10 campuses.
So, what's the problem again?
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
by Dip-Shit on Mar 26, 2010 3:22 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
So, what's the problem again?
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
by Dip-Shit on Mar 26, 2010 3:22 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Gentlemen..... Behold!!
I think I’m going to go as James Gadsden for halloween next year, he’s rocking my world right now.
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 26, 2010 3:30 PM CDT reply actions
He looks awfully familiar....?
I’ve got it! If you squint your eyes a little and tilt your head to the left. It’s LIL JOHN!!!
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Hey! It's Quinn Snyder!
My dentist once fixed Russ Millard's tooth at 1 in the morning.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 26, 2010 3:35 PM CDT up reply actions
What's that in his hand?
A contract?
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Mar 26, 2010 3:37 PM CDT up reply actions
The "papers" from the Purchase of course
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
He looks like a frat boy rapist.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 26, 2010 4:36 PM CDT up reply actions
That guy rapes
frat boys?
My dentist once fixed Russ Millard's tooth at 1 in the morning.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 26, 2010 5:16 PM CDT up reply actions
Let The Popped Collars Arms Race Begin.
"I will go to Germany and then play in a couple of AAU Tournaments like Peach Jam and Boo Williams." - Junior Lomomba
by Ornery Woody on Mar 27, 2010 11:11 AM CDT up reply actions
I bet Barta comes back with a bale of the chronic.
Hippy lettuce scouting trip.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Mar 26, 2010 3:35 PM CDT reply actions
Alright, alright...
I’ll break. Barta is actually heading down here to offer me the job.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
This could be a problem
Locals now that the Gadsden Purchase is notorious for recruting violations. All sorts of recrutis come in without approved NCAA transcripts and with all sorts of illegal payments going back and forth.
Sounds like gadsden has a little Callipari in him.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Actually
Gadsden’s mom has a little Calipari in her!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
So, where's the SUPERMAN?
Come on! Don’t leave me hanging!
Master of the convoluted IOWA cheers!
by EnergizerHawk on Mar 26, 2010 6:36 PM CDT up reply actions
No comment
Nothing flew by, though there’s an agitated Gila monster across the street
Honey, I think we should name our baby boy Pencilman. Yes, Pencilman Furious Lipschitz. Kinda just rolls off the tongue. Whaddaya think?
by Mr. Grizz on Mar 26, 2010 5:23 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
T-minus 40 minutes
until the next open thread of doom. It will be hard to top the sheer stupidity of last night’s 8-person pile-up. How many Big Ten teams advance tonight? Are we watching our next coach in action? (Hint, Tom Izzo isn’t coming to Iowa)
My dentist once fixed Russ Millard's tooth at 1 in the morning.
Hopefully Ohio State, and after that...
I don’t really give a shit. Go UNI, I suppose.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 26, 2010 6:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Hold everything
Now I see why the little lizard was riled up
There’s and odd little fellow in an old ornate blue jacket, and he’s with…LUTE OLSON. We are saved. He’s tanned rested, maybe a little forgetful, but ready. Gadsden and Olson will bring us back.
Honey, I think we should name our baby boy Pencilman. Yes, Pencilman Furious Lipschitz. Kinda just rolls off the tongue. Whaddaya think?
by Mr. Grizz on Mar 26, 2010 5:40 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
Sadly...
I think I would enjoy about 5 years of Lute Olsen as Iowa coach right about now. I’m not really old enough to remember Lute’s Iowa years, and this whole thing seems rather Bill Snyder-esque.
Speaking of Bill Snyder, on my way back from watching UNI beat Kansas in OKC, I saw a billboard that had a giant picture of him and said “Because the Hall of Fame Can Wait.”
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Mar 27, 2010 8:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Whoa....
When my parents were first married, my Dad was stationed at Fort Huachuca in Sierra Vista, AZ – right smack-dab in the heart of the Gadsden Purchase. And now here I am 38 years later, a Frequent Commenter on the Hawkeyest of Hawkeye-related sporting blogs. Sure, sure, one could write this off as just another “wow, hey, small world!” coincidence, but no. I’m far from a black helicopter-spotting, alien autopsy-watching, Alex Jones-listening conspiracy theorist wackaloon, but the this is all just a little too weird and hits a little too close to home to be mere coincidence.
So welcome, Coach Purchase! I eagerly look forward to the future annexation of other teams’ fans’ spirits like so much formerly-Mexican land. Let this new era of Hawakeye Basketball begin! A thousand huzzahs!
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
Word is
A highly heralded transcontinental railroad is considering transferring to Iowa. Stay tuned.
by Cairo on Mar 27, 2010 4:34 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
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