BLACK HEART GOLD PODCAST 27: BHGP2J

by Patrick Vint on Mar 25, 2010 1:30 PM CDT in Iowa Hawkeyes Game Threads

Yes, there are coaching searches and spring football and wrestling championships to talk about this week, but screw that. It's Wrestlemania week, son. So HS and AJ run down the card, compare the epic Rock-Stone Cold match from Wrestlemania 19 to pornography, and lament the sorry state of the true national pastime. This thing is over an hour and wholly off-topic, so we won't be offended if you take the week off.

Listen below or subscribe on iTunes and get the podcast early.

BHGPodcast 27

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I haven't watch wrestling in like 8 years

But Jericho was my favorite when I did so thanks for the video.

ARMBAR

by NorseHawk on Mar 25, 2010 1:41 PM CDT reply actions

Same here.

Y2J baby!!

"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me

by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 25, 2010 1:49 PM CDT up reply actions

The Ayatollah of Rockandrollah, baby

None better. At least not today.

Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.

by Patrick Vint on Mar 25, 2010 2:12 PM CDT up reply actions

I am listening to this for reasons I cannot explain. My running thoughts:

-Christian owned, don’t hate.
-HOW IS KANE STILL AROUND!? That dude was terrible even in 1999
-I literally have no idea who anyone else in that Money in the Bank thing is. Or what Money in the Banks is. They get a brief case, I guess, that’s cool.
-BOOOOO TRIPLE H.
-DX? Really? Are they still telling people to suck it? That was pretty edgy when I was in middle school. Is Mr. Ass still around?
-What the fuck is a Seamus google hahahahahahahaha
-How dare you question Triple H driving his dick into a dude’s skull as a finisher
- I was sorta amazing that Mysterio is still around, but he was probably like 12 in WCW so it makes sense
-CM Punk is a real dumb name, so fuck that guy
-Woooooo DiBiasie. Everyone’s got a price, bitches
-Does anyone in wrestling wear pants? I mean, really.
-Wait, the motherfucking Miz wrestles? Like, that dude from the Real World? And he has a belt????
-Big Show was so bad. Fuck gigantic freak show dudes.
-TNA is such a horrible name for a company, who can take that shit seriously, honestly? Also who are these people? Get off my lawn
-Literally all I know about John Cena is that the Marine is one of the great terrible movies of all time (he gets almost blown up and flies like 50 miles backwards in a seated position, it’s hilarious), so go him.
-Bret Hart? This is getting depressing. That dude was boring as fuck when I was 10, I can’t imagine he’s got more exciting post stroke. Music is cool though. And he’s fighting Mr. McMahon? Why is Vince still fighting people? Who honestly believes he will ever win a match? And who wants to watch it. He is an absurdly jacked grandpa who can’t move. Vince should be limited to yelling at people and getting stunned by Stone Cold (after being offered a beer and thinking that maybe, just maybe, this is the time when Austin really wants to be his friend. Oh Vince, Austin never wants to be your friend).
-Man, that was a long one
-HBK HBK HBK! Didn’t he break his back or something? How is he still around? Oh well, fuck it, he’s awesome. I sorta want to watch this now.
-Fuck the Undertaker. Why do people like that guy? Even by the standards of pro wrestling, a magical zombie is retarded. And he couldn’t even wrestle in 1996, when he wasn’t 900 years old. He can’t be fun to watch now. He should go back to riding a motorcycle, that was pretty cool.
-lol “retirement” matches. Has one of those ever led to a real retirement?
-LINDA MCMAHON IS RUNNING FOR SENATE????
-Why the fuck does Edge get a title shot? Christian was the true talent in the Brood and I refuse to hear otherwise.
-Jericho has a title? Hells fucking yes. Okay, now I really want to watch. Break the walls dooooooooooown.

by NorseHawk on Mar 25, 2010 2:33 PM CDT reply actions

Boom, look at that fuckin' post. Suck it, Bellanca

by NorseHawk on Mar 25, 2010 2:33 PM CDT up reply actions

Holly shit man!

Talk about writing a fucking novel.

"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST

by Dip-Shit on Mar 25, 2010 2:43 PM CDT up reply actions

BOOM REPLY WHAT

- Owned. Past tense. Don’t know how I feel about him now. For a guy calling himself Captain Charisma, he’s occasionally boring on the mic.
- The winner of the Money in the Bank match gets a briefcase. Inside that briefcase is a contract for a title shot against any champion to be cashed in at any time. Nobody cashing in the MITB has ever lost, generally because they cash it in immediately after a champion wins a brutal match (like CM Punk did this year at Extreme Rules after Jeff Hardy won the heavyweight championship in a 45-minute ladder match with Edge).
- Because Vince McMahon’s wife is running for the Senate in real life, there are no more DX shenanigans. Basically, Helmsley and Michaels come out and throw glow sticks into the crowd, sell merchandise, play grabass with a midget, and leave. It’s so sad to watch.
- CM Punk is a real dumb name, yes, but stuff like this is so incredibly brilliant. And it really pisses off Shawn Michaels, so all the better. I love the guy.
- Not only does The Miz from The Real World wrestle. Not only does he have a belt. But he has THREE belts: The U.S. title and the unified tag team championships. And he’s AWESOME.
- Fuck Cena.
- Bret Hart is somehow worse today than he was in 1998. I don’t know how that is possible, but I have witnessed it. And this is Vince’s first match in something like 5 years, which is good because he’s really old.
- The Brood. Well fucking played, sir.
- BREAK THE WALLS DOWN

Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.

by Patrick Vint on Mar 25, 2010 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions

I think it's obvious what Kane can do after Underweartaker finally retires...

Dr. Isaac Yankem, DDS rides again!

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Mar 25, 2010 3:11 PM CDT reply actions

You know, I wish I hadn't eaten lunch before seeing this picture

Damn you.

My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com

by Leftcoast Hawk on Mar 25, 2010 4:24 PM CDT up reply actions

I have no idea what you fools are jabbering about.

Brunettes not fighter jets

by rockyh on Mar 25, 2010 4:25 PM CDT reply actions

Question for HS:

If the “orgy of finishing moves” laid on Stone Cold by The Rock is comparable to a Peter North, um, finishing move, can the victory similarly be made sweeter/more bitter depending on the administers’ diet?

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Mar 25, 2010 4:33 PM CDT reply actions

Rey Mysterio:

Mysterio:

Better than a wizard? I think so.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Mar 25, 2010 4:35 PM CDT reply actions

When did Mysterio

get six pack abs? And he may need to cover that up, before we we lose our PG rating

It never gets to be easy

by chitownhawkeye on Mar 25, 2010 4:48 PM CDT up reply actions

I'm more worried about

what lies beneath the abs. You have to admit, though, a guy wrestling with a fish-bowl on his head would be excellent…especially if it were full of water.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Mar 25, 2010 5:07 PM CDT up reply actions

Like those drunk driving commercials?

Is it a Mexican? Let’s say it is, and the tank is actually filled with tequila. Yeah. El Borracho is his name, and his finisher is “The Worm.” Perfect. I’m going to get started on my costume, now.

by The Mexican't on Mar 25, 2010 5:43 PM CDT up reply actions

The last time I watched wrestling was 1987.

And even then, it was really more just “on in the background at a friend’s house.” I think it was Wrestlemania… 6? Whatever. I think the Ultimate Warrior was still alive then. Crazy times!

"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez

by Bucketochicken on Mar 25, 2010 6:22 PM CDT reply actions