For those of you just tuning in, Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3
When we last left the story...
Now it's time to find out who you are...
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you snoopy kids!
GOOD ONE SHAGGY
Just a second, Amewicans! You fowgot about someone! Say herro to my rittle fwiend!
Oh no I have been kirred.
Somebody call for backup?
Leman? But Ricky told me you quit.
I did. I quit. And I'm not proud to admit it. But when you quit Freedom Squad, you quit America. I can't do that. Not to this country.
Plus, these chicks are pretty hot.
Come on, let's get you ladies out of here.
Let's go home, Ace.
Come on, Ricky.
Oh God, J, over there.
Looks like this was a one-way trip, boys.
Don't talk like that, Ricky. You stay with me now, you hear me? STAY WITH ME!
/licks Ricky's face
/sings America the Beautiful
Just do me a favor, AC. Take care of that dog. Take care of those girls. Take care of the USA.
Remember, everyday, that there's nothing better than being an American.
Don't do this, Ricky. Stay here. STAY HERE RICKY NOOOOOO!
/slowly opens eyes
Where...where am I?
Is this heaven?
No, it's Iowa...City.
We are Korean and 18 years old and like football, so we do not get your joke.
We thought we lost you there for a while. But Hot Cop gave you CPR, and we got you stabilized enough to fly back to the States.
Where did Hot Cop come from?
We promised that guy in the comment thread in part 2 she would show up, and this thing is about over. So she, uh, climbed through that open window into the basement of that North Korean prison that was protected by only one guard. Yeah, that's what happened.
That doesn't make any...
Wait, PAKISTANZI! Where is he? Tell me you have him in lockup.
We were caring for you, and then Hot Cop came in the window, and I mean just look at her, and we got distracted, and PAKISTANZI sort of...got away.
HE GOT AWAOOOOW THAT HURTS
Don't worry. The manhunt is on. We know he's back in the USA. Freedom Squad thinks he's holed up in Pennsylvania. Just as soon as you're healthy, we'll get him.
Meanwhile, in Pennsylvania...
I want him DEAD!
I want his friends DEAD!
I want REVENGE!
And only you can help me get it!
Join me, Joe Paterno, and help me dis...
MISTER PATERNO WILL BE FINE THANK YOU
I DO NOT WORK WITH DIRTY IRISH
Ricky Stanzi automatically qualifies for Round 3 as a result of saving his opponents from a gulag (MARCHIFORNICATION Rule 18.1(c))