MARCHIFORNICATION: PAKISTANZI RISING, PART 3
by Patrick Vint on Mar 22, 2010 2:00 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Game Threads
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/patrols outside prison Hrr hrr hrrrrrr, hrr hrr hrrrrrr, hrr hrrr pee pee in your Coke... ROR It sure is dark out hewe I could sure use a frashright /walks past large shrubbery
A SHRUBBERY! What was that? Who is over there? /runs in direction of knight who says nee
/emerge from shrubbery OK, now is our chance. Let's split up. You two survey the first floor. I'll head for the basement. You got it, boss. ARF /throws smoke bomb for no apparent reason /enter prison
If my calculations are correct, Stanzi just reached the prison. Soon, he will fall into my trap, and I WILL BE STARTING QUARTERBACK! /points handgun at Girls Generation THEN YOU WILL ALL BE MINE!
No! Save us, Ricky!
"No! Save us, Ricky!" I would know those voices anywhere. That's Girls Generation, and it came from the basement. /enters basement, sees Girls Generation in holding cell Don't worry, Girls Generation. I'll save you. /emerges from shadows with handgun Like hell you will, Stanzi. What the...? Your tyranny and oppression has gone on long enough, Stanzi. It's time someone else led this team. It's time for someone else to lead this country! It's time for PAKISTANZI! You'll never get away with it. Oh really, Stanzi? What are you going to do? I have the gun! I HAVE ALL THE POWER HERE! Now shut your piehole and get in that holding cell. Just one thing, PAKISTANZI, whoever you are. What's that, pretty boy? Your shoe is untied. /looks down /roundhouse kicks gun out of PAKISTANZI's hand /struggle on floor of prison, gun accidentally goes off /hear gunshot, run to basement, find Stanzi and PAKISTANZI on floor Woah, this is fucked up. Which one of you is Ricky? I AM THE REAL RICKY STANZI HE'S THE IMPOSTER STOP PARROTING ME I don't know who to believe ARF ARF /pulls pin on grenade Wait, Ace, I have a better idea. /throws grenade out inexplicably open window
BOOM /hears grenade explode What the herr? /runs to basement /hands Stanzi and PAKISTANZI each a football /enters basement What's going on in my basement? Both of you, throw me the ball WHAT? I SAID THROW ME THE DAMN BALL. /throws perfect spiral to Clayborn /throws perfect spiral to Korean prison guard THAT ONE! THE ONE WHO THREW IT TO THE GUARD! HE'S THE REAL STANZI! ACE, GET THE FAKE! /cocks assault rifle, aims at PAKISTANZI /puts hands up DAMN IT! BEATEN AGAIN BY THE STANZIBALL! Now it's time to find out who you are... /removes mask PAKI O'MEARA!
And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you snoopy kids! GOOD ONE SHAGGY Just a second, Amewicans! You fowgot about someone! Say herro to my rittle fwiend!
BRAKAKAKAKAKAK
To be CONCLUDED Tuesday...
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or flubber.
flubber makes everything better.
Life - it's bigger...bigger than you and you are not me.
by hawkeyeguy85 on Mar 22, 2010 2:18 PM CDT up reply actions
It doesn't matter,
the voyage has been worth it no matter the destination. HS, you write as if Cormack McCarthy, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Judy Blume all had a literary three-way.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:19 PM CDT up reply actions
That Ace is quite the scoundrel...
I bet he’s the only one who’s career isn’t ruined by this movie…
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 22, 2010 2:34 PM CDT reply actions
Ace is gonna pop a cap in that guards ass.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
Wait...
…so Trolololo Man’s kalishnikov showed up at the end.
What a tweest!
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 22, 2010 2:58 PM CDT reply actions
Trolololo man must be in disguise.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 22, 2010 3:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Oops...
…I went back to check, and Trololo had an AK-47. Firearms FAIL. Sorry, I’m not a gun person. I’m a pacifist (except in ’Nam of course).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 23, 2010 12:07 PM CDT up reply actions
You mean 'felt the sting of the STANZIBALL!'
For as we know, receiving the stanziball is the harbinger of eventual, heartbreaking defeat.
by Brock Sampson on Mar 22, 2010 3:09 PM CDT up reply actions
WHY THE FUCK WAS THERE AN OPEN WINDOW IN THE BASEMENT?!?
That is still bringing tears to my eyes. Oh Ace, you filthy little dog…
Where ever Girls Generation goes...
there is an inexplicably open window. It might be some sort of a travelling worm hole, or gap in the time-space continuum (those Korean pop groups are a crafty lot).
Hopefully, Hockeybear or J Lehman use this anomaly to enter the basement and save the day.
Ankles! We don't need no stinking ankles!
by three and out the kok story on Mar 22, 2010 4:03 PM CDT up reply actions
If your diet was accompanied by a large quantity of kimchi
you would ensure there are always open windows around you.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 4:59 PM CDT up reply actions
With Girl's Generation in the room
couldn’t it be the prettiest not pretty ever?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 9:01 PM CDT up reply actions
And then you'd smell it.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 9:33 AM CDT up reply actions
Mmmmmm, I LOVE kimchi.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 22, 2010 9:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah,
I’m pretty much in love with anything pickled/pungent/scorchingly-hot. For something really funky, try Indian hot lime pickle. It’s an…um…acquired taste.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 9:35 AM CDT up reply actions
I'm telling Rambler!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 4:48 PM CDT up reply actions
Hell no
never again. I love kimchi, but that stuff was vile
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 23, 2010 5:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Asofetida
is the key ingredient. It is an herb that was thought to be poisonous (shock) but people came to believe it possessed medicinal properties. I used to hate the stuff but now I can’t have Indian without it.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 6:59 PM CDT up reply actions
How do you think he bought the firearm at the gun show?
Barking?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 5:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah really.
Come on, Rocky, think.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 22, 2010 7:00 PM CDT up reply actions
You can lead a horse to water
but you cannot make him understand that, when heated, the water becomes vapor or “steam”; the breath of life into the otherwise lifeless body of the Transcontinental Railroad. Huh? What!?!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 7:18 PM CDT up reply actions
Did Ace have to go through the waiting period?
Did they do a background check or did he just growl at them with Clayborn standing nearby?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 23, 2010 12:10 PM CDT up reply actions
Pit Bulls
were not included on the Brady Bill.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions
Fun Fact....
or maybe not so fun; that is actually a South Korean DMZ guard.
That...
…is precisely what he wants you to think.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 22, 2010 7:47 PM CDT up reply actions
You have to be careful,
Double agents are slick little bastards
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Yeah, well...
The guy who posted is the same guy who thinks MacArthur was an effective commie killer. Gee, Mac, thanks for longest retreat in the history of the United States military and nearly taking us to a nuclear war. Thanks a lot.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 8:16 PM CDT up reply actions
He's actually of non-descript origins...
…he is one of the same guards who helped Yao and Mao take the dream team hostage in order to get all of the Mello Yellow.
[It’s moments like these… and the opportunity to write sentences like that… for which I continue coming to this site like a Brittney Mears type.]
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 23, 2010 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions
No questions.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 22, 2010 8:21 PM CDT up reply actions
When Clayborn WANTS a football, Clayborn GETS a football.
Just ask PSU’s punter.
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Mar 22, 2010 9:28 PM CDT up reply actions
THAT'S what you're objecting to?
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 22, 2010 10:37 PM CDT up reply actions
Why do you see an objection?
Maybe Hawklyn is just so into this saga that he also wants the back-story on how Clayborn got his mystical footballs. You guys could go all George Lucas on us and give us a prequel wherein we learn about the tortured past of Paki O’Meara, where Girls Generation acquired their Iowa helmet, how Ace taught Clayborn to talk (or could it be the other way around?!? Was AC raised by pit bulls!?!) and how Ricky gets his hair to display equal parts shine and bounce. Just promise you’ll write better than Lucas.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 9:40 AM CDT up reply actions
Lies!
This dialogue is brilliant:
I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything is soft and smooth.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Even the original was hack-ish
But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters! (must be read in whining, shrill voice)
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 10:34 AM CDT up reply actions
"/throws perfect spiral to Korean prison guard"
So, what you’re saying is that it isn’t the fourth quarter in the basement yet?
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Didn't you see
it’s Pakistanzi Rising, Part 3? Any footballs thrown in part 4 will be deadly strikes, on the money.
"Mongo just pawn in game of life" --Mongo (Inspiration by HawkOnRails' Waco Kid)
"4th quarter in the basement"
sounds like code spoken around Rick James’ house.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 9:40 AM CDT up reply actions
Your face is PSU's defense.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 23, 2010 8:25 AM CDT up reply actions
Damn,
why you gotta be so hard on PSU’s defense?
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Because PSU's defense is a bunch of babies.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 23, 2010 12:32 PM CDT up reply actions
this better not have “laughing man” implications
Eat what the monkey eats, then eat the monkey. -U.S. Navy survival guidance
Have to get section 9 involved .
_ They took the bar! The whole fucking bar!-John Blutosky Animal House)
by John Hartlieb is stiil a stud! on Mar 23, 2010 2:48 PM CDT up reply actions
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