Marchifornication voting will be here later this afternoon. We interrupt the month's festivities, however, for a very important announcement. We're breaking this thing wide open, baby.
Sources inform us that Gary Barta is, as we speak, en route to Atlanta, Atlanta, the city of dreams. We would look for it on the FlightTracker, but look; you either believe us or you don't.
Now, some would say, "Gary Barta is only going to Atlanta because that's where Parker Search (his executive search firm) is located." That's true. It's also one very convenient front for Barta to do his shady, backroom deals that we assume happen any time any executive has to do anything.
No, the simple truth is that Barta's going to Atlanta for one reason only: to hire his next coach from Georgia Tech. Yes, by the end of this very week, Barta will announce his hiring of
Paul Hewitt PAUL JOHNSON. Finally! The triple option has returned to Iowa basketball!
It makes too much sense, people. We want an offense that's more up-tempo. The triple option is very up-tempo! Tech used it to run up 56 points on Vandy. Say what you will about "it's not even the same sport you morons," but Iowa failed to top 56 points 12 times this season.
Opposing coaches won't know what hit them when the "Greatest Show On Turf" comes to Big Ten basketball. Oh, and since Kinnick's got turf, all we have to do is borrow the end zones and lay them over the floor. It can be this big ritual tradition for the fans if you want, like every player picks up a certain amount of turf and walks it over to the arena. It's not even that far of a walk.
Moreover, Adrian Clayborn does not play basketball. Don't think for a second that CPJ hasn't noticed that.
It's well known that Eric May was also a talented quarterback prospect coming out of high school. Now he can fill that role without costing the Iowa football team a scholarship.
Triple options are, by their very nature, fun and exciting. So are slam dunks. You want to see the two put together? DOUBLE BARRELED AWESOME. Gary Barta and Coach Paul Johnson can make that happen. AND IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.