Barta Flying To Atlanta; IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 22, 2010 12:00 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Basketball
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PrintMarchifornication voting will be here later this afternoon. We interrupt the month's festivities, however, for a very important announcement. We're breaking this thing wide open, baby.
Sources inform us that Gary Barta is, as we speak, en route to Atlanta, Atlanta, the city of dreams. We would look for it on the FlightTracker, but look; you either believe us or you don't.
Now, some would say, "Gary Barta is only going to Atlanta because that's where Parker Search (his executive search firm) is located." That's true. It's also one very convenient front for Barta to do his shady, backroom deals that we assume happen any time any executive has to do anything.
No, the simple truth is that Barta's going to Atlanta for one reason only: to hire his next coach from Georgia Tech. Yes, by the end of this very week, Barta will announce his hiring of Paul Hewitt PAUL JOHNSON. Finally! The triple option has returned to Iowa basketball!
It makes too much sense, people. We want an offense that's more up-tempo. The triple option is very up-tempo! Tech used it to run up 56 points on Vandy. Say what you will about "it's not even the same sport you morons," but Iowa failed to top 56 points 12 times this season.
Opposing coaches won't know what hit them when the "Greatest Show On Turf" comes to Big Ten basketball. Oh, and since Kinnick's got turf, all we have to do is borrow the end zones and lay them over the floor. It can be this big ritual tradition for the fans if you want, like every player picks up a certain amount of turf and walks it over to the arena. It's not even that far of a walk.
Moreover, Adrian Clayborn does not play basketball. Don't think for a second that CPJ hasn't noticed that.
It's well known that Eric May was also a talented quarterback prospect coming out of high school. Now he can fill that role without costing the Iowa football team a scholarship.
Triple options are, by their very nature, fun and exciting. So are slam dunks. You want to see the two put together? DOUBLE BARRELED AWESOME. Gary Barta and Coach Paul Johnson can make that happen. AND IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.
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It will never work:
any plane carrying Paul Johnson will continue to veer away from Iowa City so long as Adrian Clayborn is living there.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
I heard
that Johnson wanted the job really bad and was trying to chase Barta down, but Barta got away.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
That's not fair.
Johnson is faster than Derrick Morgan.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 1:25 PM CDT up reply actions
EXCLUSIVE PHOTO FROM ANNOUNCEMENT OF NEW IOWA BASKETBALL COACH:
Iowa athletic director Gary Barta welcomes new head basketball coach Naked Mole Rat. Naked Mole Rat has already signed recruits previously committed to Ron Zook.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 12:20 PM CDT reply actions
Your photoshopping
makes it look as though the molerat is just biting the head off of the man to Barta’s left (your right).
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 12:31 PM CDT up reply actions
MS Paint
FTW
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 12:38 PM CDT up reply actions
I see what you MS Painted...
…but it doesn’t look like “win” from any angle I can find.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 22, 2010 3:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Your mom.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 3:10 PM CDT up reply actions
Damn, I tried to cover all the bases...
…but I keep leaving the “your mom” retort WIDE open.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 22, 2010 3:13 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, it was just too easy.
Gotta prepare for it, man.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions
What's that?
Your mom was too easy? Gotta prepare for your mom?
by The Mexican't on Mar 22, 2010 3:37 PM CDT up reply actions
Exactly.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 4:39 PM CDT up reply actions
Apparently
she’s WIDE open.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 5:05 PM CDT up reply actions
Thank you...
…I totally set Rambler up for the “too easy” and “wide open” jokes and he didn’t go for either one. I was hoping that I wouldn’t have to be the one to point out “wide open.” Eeew.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 23, 2010 11:46 AM CDT up reply actions
I can see it now...
Barta intoduces Paul Johnson as Iowa’s next basketball coach. After the press conference, Barta and Johnson head over to Ferentz’s office to meet a REAL football genius. After the introduction, Ferentz offers Johnson a gig to shine his shoes on Saturday mornings before game time. Johnson gladly accepts and ends up pulling double duty as Ferentz’s bitch, and Iowa’s new baketball coach.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
by Dip-Shit on Mar 22, 2010 12:23 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Can coach Brand's "borrow" him once in a while too?
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
I see no reason why not.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
No
Out of fear Brands may decide he looks like a douchebag and tears off his head…which wouldn’t surprise me in the least to read about Brands doing to someone. That in itself is both awesome and scary.
If he does what he is told
There will be no reason for violence.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
That's what Clayborn said.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Can't a man just have some fun?
He’s taking a boondoggle to the Cheetah.
The greatest show on turf
does that mean we hire Kurt Warner as an assistant coach? He’s got very strong Iowa ties (duh) and he mastered the art of putting a lot of points on the board in both St. Louis and Arizona.
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 22, 2010 12:51 PM CDT reply actions
I still think Mike Leach's pass-happy spread would transition better to basketball
Besides, who doesn’t love pirates?
We've had enough disciplinary issues with students
we don’t need players being locked in electrical closets – probably wouldn’t sit well with the boosters
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 22, 2010 12:56 PM CDT up reply actions
That's great because
you’re not allowed to sit whilst in the electrical closest AKA Mikey Jones’ Locker.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 12:59 PM CDT up reply actions
It was a storage shed (and a room that had electrical equipment at a later date)
and darkness and solitude are the proper treatments for both concussions and being the spoiled son of Craig James.
Besides, our disciplinary actions are with students misbehaving. Coaches misbehaving is relatively novel here. Aside from [name redacted]‘s general a-holeness. I can’t think of a better deterrent to getting in trouble with the IC Police than being locked in some dungeon below CHA.
Don't get me wrong
I completely agree that being the spoiled son of Craig James was fully deserving of the punishment handed down.
Maybe it should be a tag team operation – combining CPJ’s triple option with Leach’s pass-dominated spread offense.
No defense on earth shall stop the Pass-Heavy Spread Triple-Option, or PHSTO Offense
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 22, 2010 1:05 PM CDT up reply actions
Considering how good their defenses are
I could see Big Ten games of 100-92, Bo Ryan and Thad Matta’s heads exploding, and Tubby relishing the up tempo nature.
If we can start having scores like that
there will be no problem filling CHA. Problem solved.
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 22, 2010 3:52 PM CDT up reply actions
No charty? No graphy?
I’ll help! We must have statistical rigor when discussing anything tangentially related to GT.
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 22, 2010 12:55 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
It's a common misconception that Iowa plays basketball.
You’re thinking of Northern Iowa.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
Any news
on if Kenny Anderson is returning for you guys next season? If so, it might finally be your year…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Or Mark Price?
Hell take both. You’ll need them.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Let's make a deal:
How about we’ll wait for Kenny’s return while you guys wait for Sharm Scheuerman’s.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
Did you google Iowa Basketball?
Thats all you could come up with? No Acie Earl or Brad Lohaus? You came up with Sharm Scheuerman. Wow.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
It is difficult to communicate with GT people using language.
A Venn Diagram should help:
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 1:37 PM CDT up reply actions
You're going above someones head using the term: Venn Diagram
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Oh, no
Yellowjackets communicate in a complicated series of charts, diagrams and graphs. Their mating habits, however, remain mysterious. It is possible that they are asexual i.e. they fuck themselves.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions
Your forgot
The “looking at gay porn” section of the graph.
Please revise and resubmit!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
D-S's posting record
indicates that he’s not the most “accepting” member of BHGP.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 6:21 PM CDT up reply actions
This is true.
Maybe I need to be a little more tolereant!
Thanks for pointing out my flaws McCann’t.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Wasn't calling it a flaw, merely stating fact.
You’ve made it clear on several occasions what your position on homosexuals/homosexuality is. I’ve lived enough life to realize talking people out of the things they believe it a pretty fruitless enterprise. You believe what you believe and I believe what I believe. If this were a political/religious website I might be willing to go toe-to-toe with you on the issue. However, seeing as this is a sports site dedicated to the school we both love, let’s keep it relevant to that topic while including enough non sequiturs to make things interesting i.e. not FTRS.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 9:32 AM CDT up reply actions
I hear you cluckin' big chicken!
I was actually giving you props for making a point. I was not looking for an arguement. I wasn’t trying to be sarcastic either. I know that may be hard to believe since I am a smart-ass 99.9 percent of the time.
Anyways, while I might not always agree with some, I do try and keep an open mind on most things. As you can see, I am a little old fashioned in some areas. Nevertheless, I enjoy going back and forth with you on certain subjects, and I never mean to offend…at least on a personal level.
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Trolling? We were kindly invited here:
http://www.fromtherumbleseat.com/2010/3/22/1384168/conference-survival-guide-3-22#33030331
And yes OF COURSE that post includes MULTIPLE charts.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
"We"?
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Theres a BIG difference between invited and reminded.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Yeah, my backup's on its way.
Aaany minute now.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
Did you finally get ahold of Tubbs?
You are Crocket, right?
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Would prefer Herc and Carver.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
More like Lenin and Dzerzhinsky
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:08 PM CDT up reply actions
C'mon Rambler
at least go with Brezhnev for our younger readers.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:08 PM CDT up reply actions
I'll settle for Stalin and Beria.
But no more.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:09 PM CDT up reply actions
You're a man of principle.
I doff my chapeau to you, sir.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:10 PM CDT up reply actions
You're more like
Ziggy, in season 2.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:08 PM CDT up reply actions
I apologize. I will keep that in mind.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Probably busy fantasizing about Paul Johnson.
That takes a lot out of someone.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh we stagger the Paul Johnson Daydreaming schedule so there's always a lookout man.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
Ahem, "Iowa blogs"?
There can be only one, sir.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Mar 22, 2010 1:56 PM CDT up reply actions
Sorry.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Neither of those gents have had their numbers retired though.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
We don't retire the number of everyone that plays
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
It's good to have standards.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
Dr. Missthejoke, you're wanted in the derp ward.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Paul Johnson coaching basketball?
I’d only recommend it if you can keep Jonathan Dwyer off the court. Iowa turns him into a backcourt violation machine
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
It's not the systems fault.
“we made mistakes and beat ourselves”
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Please tell me no Big Ten teams are good at baseball.
We’d like one of our ‘09-’10 teams to die at the hands of a different conference for a change.
Longest Atlanta Falcons winning-seasons streak: 2008 - current
The Falcoholic · Blog · Twitter
No but word is
Anderson Hunt is doing grad work at Michigan and has a mean curve ball…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 1:49 PM CDT up reply actions
Three colored graphs in less than an hour
NICE!
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
"Colored" graphs?
I thought we had moved beyond that in this day and age…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 1:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Colorful?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Rip Torn IS Ziggy Stardust.
[Also, I imagine this is what it looks like when Liberace is combined with Lil Jon.]
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 22, 2010 3:20 PM CDT up reply actions
WHAT!!!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 22, 2010 3:29 PM CDT up reply actions
I just noticed
that Lil Jon is wearing a training jacket for the Dutch National Soccer team. Weird.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 11:59 AM CDT up reply actions
Or not.
I’m sure Lil Jon feels right at home in Amsterdam.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I think you're giving him too much credit;
he probably just loved the fact the lion on the Dutch crest looks like it has a pipe in its mouth.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 23, 2010 1:35 PM CDT up reply actions
Or smoke coming out of its mouth
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 23, 2010 1:46 PM CDT up reply actions
*sigh*
Rip Taylor:
Rip Torn:
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Man his life really went down hill.
He was the head of M.I.B. at one point.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
That's an appointed position,
he didn’t earn a thing.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 6:20 PM CDT up reply actions
He was also the world's greatest dodgeball player - Patches O'Houlihan
Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 22, 2010 6:59 PM CDT up reply actions
Holy shit. He was some sort of renaissance man.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
He's also Don Geiss,
which makes him superior to the head of Television Programming and Microwave Development.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 7:04 PM CDT up reply actions
Should I not tell you
that he’s also Literary Giant/Hack, Q, in “Wonder Boys”?
No, hot him.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 7:16 PM CDT up reply actions
Aw dammit...
…now I know why half of my family looked at me funny when I made the same mistake at Christmas (how we got on the subject of Rip Taylor is a long story).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 23, 2010 11:53 AM CDT up reply actions
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 1:53 PM CDT up reply actions
I know Papa McCann't already made the joke, but this is mandatory:
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Mar 22, 2010 2:48 PM CDT up reply actions
It only counted
for 3/5th of a joke.
And "Papa McCann’t’? After three kids, I most certainly McCANN!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 5:04 PM CDT up reply actions
The internet?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:09 PM CDT up reply actions
oh snap
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Everybody's high today.
No, Right Now etc.
http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/2007/11/26/212230/57
But sharing is beautiful, and I’m happy to help.
I think it’s pretty funny, looking back, that we never figured out that Ferentz had been dropped off in CID before the aircraft deadheaded back to Ann Arbor. It wasn’t happening right now, it had already happened.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
If this
were just a meeting with the search commitee, he would have flown down this morning and stayed all day.
So, which coaches got booted out of the NCAA this weekend…… I’m looking at you Kansas.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
Man, that would really tick off Illinois.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:10 PM CDT up reply actions
Not as much as Pearl would
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:11 PM CDT up reply actions
Or Lou Henson
wearing Self’s toupee.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 2:11 PM CDT up reply actions
Especially if he would hire Deron Williams and Luther Head as graduate assistants or something.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 22, 2010 2:11 PM CDT up reply actions
Even more than tape recording phone calls of illegal practices?
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Paul Johnson coached one basketball game in his entire life
and got fired for cursing the referee out during a JV high school basketball game. They won though
by Winfield Featherston on Mar 22, 2010 2:54 PM CDT reply actions
That's the exact kind of energy
and passion Iowa basketball needs. Especially the W at the end…
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Mar 22, 2010 3:57 PM CDT up reply actions
So,
Whats the line on Iowa women v.Stanford game tonite?
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Dude, you are supposed to EASE into the psychotropic drugs
Not half the damn bottle the first time.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
I'm bored.
I have a dish and theres nothing on, It’s to cold to sit outside and drink and I’m tired of drinking inside. I want wrestling or football back! I’d almost take a BAD basketball team.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
Watch the Clippers, then.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Mar 22, 2010 7:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Uh....
My dish doesn’t pick up L.A. stations?
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
If it did
Clippers basketball would break it.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Mar 22, 2010 9:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Suns 133, Warriors 131
Culture shock in a box with a bow on top.
"Mongo just pawn in game of life" --Mongo (Inspiration by HawkOnRails' Waco Kid)
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