BOB ZOOK REGIONAL
SEED #1: HOCKEYBEAR
Tournament bid: Automatic (Galactic Destruction Set to 80's Music Conference Champion)
- Appeared from a fucking supernova.
- Has the ability to create hockey sticks through sheer mind power.
- Can navigate wormholes.
- Blew the moon the fuck up.
- Fucking obliterated Anchorage, Alaska.
- Later, was awakened from its bed deep in the Bering Sea by a Russian boat, which it proceeded to fucking slash with said mindhockeystick. Because fuck communism.
- Flew an F-14 Tomcat fighter jet into the upper midwest, fucking annihilating Columbus, South Bend, East Lansing and/or Miami (depending on the version you're watching).
- Somehow found a nearby volcano. Dropped a bomb in it.
- Blew Earth the fuck up. Took the moon out a second time.
- Despite having his jet disintegrate in a wormhole, flew himself to the Carlson Center, generated another mindhockeystick, and set the net afire.
- Didn't take the time to single out St. Paul or Madison in his jet-fueled wave of mutilation.
- Broke the cardinal rule of fighter jet warfare by leaving his wingmen to fend for themselves in the post-apocalyptic cloud that was Earth.
- Probably can see Russia from his front porch.
#8 SEED: THE GADSDEN PURCHASE
Tournament Bid: At-Large (podcast inside joke)
- Lawless desert frontier, where legal currency is optional but sidearms are required.
- Once owned by Steve Gadsden.
- Contains the Grand Canyon
- May not contain the Grand Canyon.