MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 2: RICKY STANZI VS. GIRLS GENERATION
by Hawkeye State on Mar 16, 2010 2:30 PM CDT
in Events
51 comments
In a locker room in South Korea...
We need to continue practicing before we meet Ricky Stanzi in the Marchifornication tournament. We should want to impress him.
Let's take it from the top again. Five, six, seven, eight!
SHOW ME YOUR NEW MAKEUP IN A BRAND NEW SOUND
SAY THE WORDS ALOUD THAT MAKE YOU RUN AROUND
DANCE DANCE DANCE TIL WE RUN THIS TOWN
OOMPAH OOMPAH OWIE OWIE DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN Wait, stop. Stop. Who is the creepy guy staring in the window? Why does this rocker loom have a window anyway? Shouldn't there be no outside windows? And what happen to our pompoms in that scene at the end where there is a football game? All good questions. Our video is rife with continuity errors that only someone who has watched it at least 100 times would notice. But let's figure this thing out first. Excuse me, who are you?
Hello, Korean pop supergroup Girls Generation! I'm Paki O'Meara! /confused /befuddled I'm sure you know me. I am a senior running back on your favorite tackle football team. Last year, I started the season opener, when we nearly lost to the University of Northern Iowa! Thank goodness for those blocked field goals, or our faces sure would have been red! /doesn't know Paki O'Meara /trying to figure out why his hair looks like a mushroom cloud /holds up Iowa helmet
OMG OMG OMG OMG /faints /vomits /makes heart shape with hands and shoots sparks /spills drink on vintage iMac /hair turns even blonder OMG OMG OMG OMG are you the Ricky Stanzi? NO I AM BETTER THAN RICKY STAN...I mean, no, I'm not Ricky Stanzi. I'm Paki O'Meara! We want to meet the Ricky Stanzi! RICKY! RICKY! RICKY! Ladies, ladies, ladies, please. If you follow me, I will take you to Ricky Stanzi. He's waiting to meet you in that room over there... RICKY! RICKY! RICKY! /enter basement /locks Girls Generation in basement DID YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD TAKE YOU TO RICKY STANZI?!? AS IF RICKY STANZI DESERVES YOU! IF IT WEREN'T FOR MY PLAY AGAINST NORTHERN IOWA, WE WOULD HAVE LOST! THE SEASON WOULD HAVE BEEN A DISASTER IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME! BUT EVERY WEEK IT'S RICKY STANZI THIS AND RICKY STANZI THAT AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT PICK SIX RICKY, IT'S ONLY ANOTHER STANZIBALL! WHAT ABOUT ME? WHAT ABOUT PAKI? WHY DON'T I GET TO PLAY? WHY DON'T I GET TO BE IN MARCHIFORNICATION? FORGET RUNNING BACK! I SHOULD BE QUARTERBACKING THIS TEAM! ALL THE ACCOLADES SHOULD BE MINE! I SHOULD BE GETTING USA BACK TATTOOS AND MAKING PATRIOTIC STATEMENTS TO ALL MY FRIENDS AT FOX NEWS! WELL, I KNOW RICKY STANZI. RICKY STANZI WON'T AVOID THIS CONFRONTATION. RICKY STANZI WILL TRY TO RESCUE YOU, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT RICKY STANZI DOES. AND WHEN HE DOES, HE WILL FALL RIGHT INTO MY TRAP! I WILL CAPTURE HIM, AND THEN I WILL TAKE ON HIS PERSONA AND TAKE HIS JOB! JUST ONE MORE THING TO DO BEFORE HE GETS HERE. I NEED TO PUT ON MY DISGUISE. /puts on mask MY TRANSFORMATION IS COMPLETE! I AM NO LONGER PAKI O'MEARA, WALK-ON HALFBACK AND SPECIAL TEAMS SUPERSTAR! FROM NOW ON, I AM...
To be continued...
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The words...
They escape me.
Black and Gold Blood: Cubbie Blue Heart
Follow me on Twitter: @MattLaCasse
Simply wonderful.
I normally enjoy Paki O’Meara and any talk of him. However, Paki O’Meara as a super-villain is an excellent masterpiece of terrific genius.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
Oh shit
I knew it was going to come down to this.
cue Europe’s final countdown song
BAM!
Hockey Bear just blew us all to hell
by ChryslerKinnick on Mar 16, 2010 2:49 PM CDT reply actions
This makes up for you guys betraying Clayborn's dog last week.
Simply incredible.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
Thankyou
This is freakin perfect.
by HawkeyeVikingTwinsUnited on Mar 16, 2010 3:01 PM CDT reply actions
This was good.
What would have made it great is if there was more stereotypical switching of L’s and R’s (“rocker loom”)
Because then you would have had Girls’ Generation chanting LICKY! LICKY! LICKY!
Brunettes not fighter jets
We thought about it
But we (mainly I) sorta think that the R-to-L switch isn’t as funny, like people laugh less at “flied lice” than at “ROR.”
But yes, in the first draft, there most certainly was “LICKY! LICKY! LICKY!”
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
This is shaping up to be a masterpiece.
Bravo!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
I love Marchifornication.
JoePa sure as hell won’t be happy about the emergence of Pakistanzi. Things are going to get epic.
"JoePa sure as hell won’t be happy about the emergence of Pakistanzi."
Sentences like this are why we write this site.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Hawkeye State on Mar 16, 2010 3:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Better that than Claybornapan. Clayborngermany. Claybornkraine.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 16, 2010 3:16 PM CDT up reply actions
Pakistanzi
is easily the creepiest pic ever on this site. kudos!!
And you should have left in a LICKY
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
That's not creepy
It something. Something very much not good, but it’s not creepy.
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
Now that is below the belt!
The scary part is that the Travis Bickle mohawk looks pretty natural on Joe Pa
by HawkeyeRecon on Mar 16, 2010 4:02 PM CDT up reply actions
I just keep hearing that thing screaming...
…SECRETARY!!!
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 16, 2010 4:19 PM CDT up reply actions
With Ace as the guard dog of the basement.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 16, 2010 3:34 PM CDT up reply actions
An actual transcript of OPS and I on Google Talk last night, discussing this post:
(Note: the original idea was “Afghanistanzi,” which was basically just Stanzi with a Saddam beard)
HS: Should we go with Afghanistanzi or Talibanzi?
OPS: I gotta think Afghanistanzi
HS: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
OPS: or wait
shit
HS: PAKISTANZI
OPS: PAKISTANZI
YES
HS: YES YES YES YES YES
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
So, Paki wasn't part of the original idea,
But his presence was too perfect to deny?
by The Mexican't on Mar 16, 2010 3:29 PM CDT up reply actions
This is typically how it goes
We have half-baked ideas. We bounce them around. Sometimes they come to fruition. Sometimes they don’t.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Hawkeye State on Mar 16, 2010 3:33 PM CDT up reply actions
I was guessing that you two were more than half-baked.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 16, 2010 3:35 PM CDT up reply actions
You were going to make RStanzi un-american!?
You would have been stoned to death, or ripped apart, for that half baked idea. Then your thoughts would have been wasted or just plain fucked up and the interwebs would have been buzzing. In that case we could have baked or fried a bowl of your thoughts, for which we’d reach up high and grabbed a pot… wait…
…you know, the whole point of this reply was to work my way to the words Death Bong cause I thought it might look funny on the screen, but in trying to come up with other words for inebreation I forgot how I was going to get to there, so…
DEATH BONG!!!
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 16, 2010 4:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Last night?
I figured your posts are crafted months in advance, only to be tirelessly rewritten again and again until your OCD is overcome with the nausea of exhausted disappointment at yet another almost-perfect post.
It was brilliant, but........
I am still trying to get that picture of Pakistanzi out of my mind. It may take awhile.
Life is hard. It's really hard if you're stupid.
that. was. incredible.
1 billion points
by jowwcamp on Mar 16, 2010 4:11 PM CDT via mobile reply actions
Damn those broads are dumb
They, and Hans Blix, are suckers for deception.
"I know you're from Middle America, and sometimes you feel like you're representing more than just a school or a conference, maybe an entire group of American citizens out there."
by Twin Cities Hawk on Mar 16, 2010 4:50 PM CDT reply actions
“Ah, Hans Brix! So good to see you!”
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Hawkeye State on Mar 17, 2010 9:09 AM CDT up reply actions
The picture of Paki behind the window:
I still haven’t stopped laughing. His expression is just perfect.
Also, I have to assume Pakistanzi becomes the immediate favorite for next year’s Marchifornication, no?
by PurpleMonkeyDishwasher on Mar 16, 2010 6:18 PM CDT reply actions
How many monitors have died an early, unglorious death
at the hands of BHGP and a mouthful of liquid beverage?
"Oh no, don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him, you'll just make him mad." - The Waco Kid
Paki is really the BRAIN!
that 1970s coif hides a grotesquely veiny world-domination-plot hatching brain! That leaves only one question… who is Pinky?
OMG!
by BornaHawk on Mar 16, 2010 6:56 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Daaahhh, I think so Brain. But what if the monkey doesn’t want to wear the rubber pants?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 17, 2010 10:00 AM CDT up reply actions
No, no, no
It’s “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”
I don't have the foggiest idea how you come up with this stuff
But I damn near fell over laughing.
extremely funny
Paki in the window is one of those quality Photoshop jobs where the final product looks even better than when you imagined it.
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