MARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 1: GARY BARTA VS. JAMIE POLLARD
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 11, 2010 12:00 PM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
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GMX! THIS IS NOT A GAME! THIS SHIT HERE IS REAL! ARF ARF ARF
BOB ZOOK REGION, SEED #3: GARY "BLOODPUNCH" BARTA
PROS:
- Runs the ass-blastinest sports program in the nation
- Will do what it takes to get an apology over the John Lickliter thing
- Had some fun at Jamie Pollard's expense
- Demands anarchy
CONS:
- We're scared to list any. He's watching.
This makes no sense if you didn't listen to the podcast. If you didn't listen to the podcast, you suck.
BOB ZOOK REGION, SEED #6: JAMIE POLLARD
PROS:
- Inconsolable
- Dropped a goddamn hammer on some idiot ISU fan who is definitely a Cyclone Fanatic subscriber
- Hired Paul Rhoads, which kinda seems like it was a good idea
CONS:
- Got done dirty by Gene Chizik
- Got done dirty by Fake Gary Barta
- Will probably not be the athletic director of a BCS program in five years, regardless of whether he remains at Iowa State
- Wait, is that a pro or a con?
- How do we even decide that on BHGP?
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BloodPunch
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 11, 2010 12:11 PM CST reply actions 2 recs
an inconsolablemaker
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 11, 2010 12:20 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Yeah, that's a rec.
I can’t wait to see the inconsoleablemaker show up when the Cyclones roll into town.
by The Mexican't on Mar 11, 2010 12:39 PM CST up reply actions
I've watched exactly one MMA match on TV.
(There was nothing else on that night)
That guy rolled around and the other guy punched him in the face. Then it ended.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 11, 2010 12:41 PM CST up reply actions
I chose him for his recognizability, not his fighting skills.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 11, 2010 12:46 PM CST up reply actions
What's his name? Jimbo Slice?
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 11, 2010 12:54 PM CST up reply actions
Kimbo Slice.
Or Kevin Ferguson. His videos on YouTube are the reason he’s famous. He’s not much of an MMA fighter, yet.
by The Mexican't on Mar 11, 2010 1:12 PM CST up reply actions
My attempt at sarcasm failed.
Mainly, I just really wanted to call him Jimbo Slice.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 11, 2010 1:16 PM CST up reply actions
Ooooh.
I figured since you didn’t care about MMA that you may actually have no idea who Kimbo is. MY BAD.
by The Mexican't on Mar 11, 2010 1:17 PM CST up reply actions
I was thinking more like
Gambo Slarta?
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 11, 2010 3:47 PM CST up reply actions
The early UFC matches were the best
No biting, no eye gouging. Fight.
Broken bones, blood, karate guys getting turned into pretzles with sad faces. Some guy got punched in the nuts 10 times before the ref called the fight.
All the rules took a lot of the fun out of it.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
Oh god...
…thanks for linking to the prank call thing twice. I read that to my wife back when it was posted and we both laughed our asses off. Then, a couple nights ago we heard on the radio that Pollard gave his b-ball coach a vote of confidence (or whatever), and my wife looks at me and says, “That Iowa State dick sucker from the Blackheart site?” and I was all “YOU GOD DAMN RIGHT! He’s INCONSOLABLE! EAT A BOWL OF HERKY DICK BEEEYATCH!”
And then we cackled like school children.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 11, 2010 12:13 PM CST reply actions
Odd matchup
It’s easy to vote if the matchup is awesome vs awesome. You just pick whichever is more awesome. Like Ace versus Metcalf.
It’s also easy to vote if the matchup is fail vs fail. You just pick whichever is the biggest failpile. Like Zook versus Brewster.
Where it gets tricky is a matchup of awesome vs fail like we have here. Is Bloodpunch Barta awesomer than Pollard is inconsolable? Up until now I don’t think it was even measurable. I’m just thankful that we have created a scientific method to decide.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 11, 2010 12:43 PM CST reply actions
Anyone who thinks Ace is less awesome than Metcalf also thinks Clint Eastwood is less awesome than Matt Damon.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 11, 2010 12:53 PM CST up reply actions
Steroid Ben Affleck would like to have a word with you about his BFF.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 11, 2010 3:49 PM CST up reply actions
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