MARCHIFORNICATION ROUND 1: BRENT METCALF VS. ACE THE DOG
by Hawkeye State on Mar 10, 2010 12:01 PM CST
67 comments
BOB ZOOK REGION, SEED #3: BRENT METCALF
PROS
- Indestructible force at 149 lbs.
- He'll flip ya for real.
- Implied Iowa State's wrestling team is a bunch of jagoffs.
- Got revenge on pansy-ass Purdue guy.
- Tried to get Tom Brands to enter him at both 149 and 157, just for the challenge.
- Demanded a match at Wrestlemania out of sheer boredom.
- Won the Twitters.
CONS
- Well, nearly indestructible force. Has a tendency to drop championship matches to inferior opponents.
- Doesn't spend enough time tanning.
BOB ZOOK REGION, SEED #7: ACE THE DOG
PROS
- Fielded questions for his owner.
- Is cute as all get out.
CONS
- Not named "Bark Morehouse"
0 recs |
67 comments
|
Email
Print
Comments
Gotta go with Ace
Metcalf’s streak of choking in The Big Ones continues
Not yet though
He needs to get past the first round to do that. Losing to someone like Brewster would be about right.
But Ace can't name himself. Dogs aren't allowed to do that 'cause it's in the Bill of Rights.
So….you’re saying Ace has no cons.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 12:08 PM CST reply actions
I found the theme song for this marchifornication matchup.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGn7QwFPMS0
Brunettes not fighter jets
True story
About a month ago, I went out for a run at about 7 am in IC and ran right past Clayborn and good ole Ace. Having witnessed his ferocity and wit firsthand, I gotta go with Ace.
You're the man now, dawg!
Between the Punch Out! and Fenster references...
This post = +100.
Can you hear me in the back? HELLO?
Except he wouldn't be named Bark Morehouse...
He’d clearly be named “Barc Morehouse.”
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 12:37 PM CST reply actions 1 recs
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 12:49 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Giving Clayborn a machine gun is either...
the worst idea ever or THE AWESOMEST IDEA EVER. I vote the latter, so long as he only points it at Penn State “blockers,” Georgia Tech linemen, offensive cabbies and the like.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
After looking at the image again
I’m finding that the man standing in front of Metcalf kinda looks like Clayborn. This is causing massive amounts of confusion. Are you saying that the only man that could possibly contain Clayborn is another Clayborn with a gun?
by The Mexican't on Mar 10, 2010 4:07 PM CST up reply actions
I disagree.
He has a moustache.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 6:34 PM CST up reply actions
Brent's cool
but let’s face it. Born in Michigan, went to VTech… that’s some questionable lineage.
Ace though, Hawkeye from birth.. Also I like dogs.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
I had to go with Brent
with the facts of all of his actions or match cause his opponents to start drama that they will never win.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 10, 2010 12:39 PM CST reply actions
Brent Metcalf is the Daryll Clark of Iowa...
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
Don't you dare
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 1:06 PM CST up reply actions
Let's see...
Charismatic, check.
Most important player on the team (according to fans), check.
Dominating performances against most (perhaps inferior???) teams, check.
Losses in the clutch against tough opponents, check.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 1:23 PM CST up reply actions
You and your reasons
What’s important is who would win in the octagon
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 1:47 PM CST up reply actions
That's a riddle.
I honestly can’t answer. Neither can win in the clutch against quality competition, right? So neither.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 2:54 PM CST up reply actions
I meant between you and me
I’m six one, two twenty-five of pure chocolate.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 4:28 PM CST up reply actions
Milk chocolate?
Or that baker’s chocolate crap
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 10, 2010 4:40 PM CST up reply actions
So...
You’re saying you would win because I couldn’t eat that much chocolate.
What if the octagon was hot. You’d melt.
Really, though, why don’t you melt yourself down and feed yourself to the poor. Or just let them bite little chunks off.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 6:40 PM CST up reply actions
I didn't say I would win
I never win.
I just wanted to let you know what you were up against: A scary, yet melty hot fudge warrior. Like the bad guy in Terminator 2, only more delicious. Plus I always let homeless guys chew on me, so shut up.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 10:52 PM CST up reply actions
More like Drew Tate.
Peak early and then trail off later in his career.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Have you been drinking in the middle of the day again?
Usually you’re not this hostile and surly.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 10, 2010 2:48 PM CST up reply actions
No one shit talks Drew Tate on my watch, son
(also Ross was making a joke and I know)
I wish I could say the same
Too many instances of happy tailgating chitown turning into angry drunk chitown when a game goes poorly.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 10, 2010 4:42 PM CST up reply actions
Hey Ace!
You da man!
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Mar 10, 2010 1:05 PM CST reply actions
I always mis-read it to say:
“Demanded a match at Castlevania out of sheer boredom.”
Which. Would. Be. Awesome.
I heard he likes playing in Pennsylvania.
‘Cause, you know, he’s Daryll Clark.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 1:31 PM CST up reply actions
That's all HFMR.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Yeah, I can't take credit for that
Pretty much all the photoshopped goodies from Marchifornication are courtesy of the Moustache Ride.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Hawkeye State on Mar 10, 2010 1:52 PM CST up reply actions
I get blamed for everything
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 1:53 PM CST up reply actions
You are BHGP's very own live music club fire.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 10, 2010 2:57 PM CST up reply actions
That was a Shot in the Dark
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 5:33 PM CST up reply actions
Love is a battlefield!
(I’m not good at this game)
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
You said battlefields so
We fired our cannon ’til the barrel melted down.
So we grabbed an alligator and we fought another round.
We filled his head with cannon balls, and powdered his behind
And when we touched the powder off, the gator lost his mind.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 6:36 PM CST up reply actions
You take my life but I’ll take yours too
You fire your musket but I run you through
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
I don’t know what you’re talking about
So I’ll just make up my own words
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 10:08 PM CST up reply actions
OH.......WEEEEE.........
Fired our guns and the British kept a-comin’
Wasn’t quite as many as there was awhile ago
Fired once more and they began a-runnin’
On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 10:56 PM CST up reply actions
Rambler, you're only the second person I've ever heard reference that song
And i admit that I don’t know anything about it, except that my dad used to sing it all the time. When we would play ping-pong, every time the score ended up 18-14 he would break into, “IN 1814 WE TOOK A LITTLE TRIP….ALONG WITH COLONEL JACKSON DOWN THE MIGHTY MISSISSIP…”
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 11:02 PM CST up reply actions
Which reminds me:
fuck the british
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 11:16 PM CST up reply actions
The best version I've heard is Johnny Cash's version where he just mumbles random stuff at the end.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi will transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 11, 2010 8:23 AM CST up reply actions
Um...
And you’re to blame?
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 6:35 PM CST up reply actions
Ace was winning
Now Brent’s in the lead.I think the wrestling team found out and all voted. So, somebody call AC, his team has 85 guys. And Norm gets one vote for each toe.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
So, much like Iowa
He’s been losing votes over the past decade on the important issues?
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Mar 10, 2010 2:57 PM CST up reply actions
As great as Ace Clayborn is, I submit that he's not even the best dog named Ace...
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
He's in the batcave
it’s not real tough to figure it out at that point. They probably had him neutered and this is just revenge.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 10, 2010 4:52 PM CST up reply actions
Wait, now you're just making shit up (and getting REALLY good at non-photoshop)...
…cause I’m sorry, but there was never any “Bat Hound”- – I mean, come on, that’s rediculous.
Seriously, I didn’t know that.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Mar 11, 2010 9:52 AM CST up reply actions
I voted Metcalf
Because fuck dogs.
It's not that I'm lazy, Bob, it's that I just don't care
Like, literally, fuck dogs?
That’s kinda gross, man.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Or maybe he meant "fuck-dogs." You know, like a Fuck Lion.
"Do a flip!" - Bender B. Rodriguez
by Bucketochicken on Mar 10, 2010 7:45 PM CST up reply actions
Ace is Clayborn's dog.
So he’ll grow up big and mean, and when he hears his own fans saying that stuff, he’ll block your kicks and return them for touchdowns.
And punch you through your car window. I guess dogs can punch. Whatever.
"Based on my estimates, it appears that Stanzi shall transcend the ages." - Cairo
by ReadingRambler on Mar 10, 2010 6:38 PM CST up reply actions
Hopefully you noticed this while hanging the bracket in your cubicle
I think this is 3 (three) versus 6 (six) so thanks for that (fuck you)
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Mar 10, 2010 11:15 PM CST up reply actions
NONE OF US EVER CLAIMED TO BE MATHEMAGICIANS!
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
no one told me math was going to be involved in this...
"Well of course, there's nothing better than being American!!!" - Ricky Americanzi, Jan. 5th, 2010
by The Bacon Explosion on Mar 11, 2010 8:04 AM CST up reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2010 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
