Sure, caring is creepy.  That's why we generally leave it to the Rivals guys.  But once their signature goes on the dotted line of an Iowa letter of intent, caring ceases to be creepy and becomes essential.  So, without further ado, your objects of affection and/or scorn (sometimes both at the same time) for the next four or five years.  Next, the BEEFCAKE linemen:

Andrew Donnal (6'7", 285)
Offensive Line
Anthony Wayne (Whitehouse, Ohio)
4* Rivals, 4* Scout, 79 ESPN
According to the recruitniks, Donnal is one of the main gems of Iowa's class, a universal 4* recruit and, along with The Polish Hat and Derby, one of Iowa's representatives at last month's US Army All-American Game.  Donnal played offensive and defensive line in high school, but projects better as an offensive lineman in college.  Rivals seems to think he could be a left tackle and a three-year contributor, so perhaps he turns up as a guard in a few years and then takes over the LT spot from Reiff.  He apparently does need to work on his strength and technique, so a redshirt year is probably in order; he's not hyped as an instant impact guy like Dace or Bulaga.
Fun Fact: Donnal has actually never been to the White House and, truth be told, prefers Buckingham Palace because he's a bit of a royalist.

Brandon Scherff (6'6", 295)
Offensive Line
Denison High School (Denison, IA)
3* Rivals, 3* Scout, 76 ESPN
According to ESPN, Scherff started at defensive end and tight end in high school; we, um, would not have wanted to be the poor bastards tasked with trying to tackle him if he caught a pass.  His fake 40 time is only 5.0, so he wasn't burning by anyone, but he probably had a good head of steam once he got going -- 295 lbs. (or 280 if you prefer ESPN's measurements) is a lotta beef.  Still, Scherff is slated for offensive line in high school, despite not actually doing much any pass blocking in high school.  He's apparently a pretty good run blocker, but the lack of pass-blocking experience makes him a lock to redshirt.  ESPN projects him as a tackle too, and the beef he already possesses as an incoming freshman seems to back that up; whether or not he can master the technique necessary to become a tackle is just something we'll have to wait and see on.
Fun Fact: Scherff is Denisese for "rampaging water buffalo" and if you don't believe Denison has its own language, well, you've clearly never been there.

Carl Davis (6'5", 300)
Defensive Tackle
Adlai Stevenson (Sterling Heights, MI)
3* Rivals, 3* Scout, 75 ESPN
Davis represents a truly rare thing among Iowa players: a defensive tackle with some serious bulk.  Iowa's penchant for transforming linebackers or half-a-step-slow defensive ends into defensive tackles is well known; that's not a slight, either, as defensive tackle prospects with elite agility/skill and massive size are about as plentiful as unicorns.  Lots of programs wind up having to add bulk to guys to turn them into defensive tackles.  Davis isn't gonna need any more bulk, though -- he's just gonna need to get in shape (there's "high school 300 lbs." and  there's "Doyle-approved 300 lbs.") and work on his technique.  In high school, he was able to get by with just using his raw power to bulldoze through dudes, but that's not gonna fly in the Big Ten unless he has the strength of Mark "Sexual Chocolate" Henry.
Fun Fact: Despite the name of his school, Davis actually prefers the earthiness of Alf Landon to the snobby intellectualism of Adlai Stevenson when it comes to presidential candidates who got bitchmade in elections.

IN YOUR FACE, WESTERN KENTUCKY!  SUCK ON IT, BIG RED.  OK, so Johnson also chose Iowa over offers from Iowa State, Kansas State, Nebraska, Purdue, and TCU, if you want to be pedantic about it, but anytime you can crow about beating the Hilltoppers for a prospect, you gotta do it.  Ahem.  If Davis represents one end of the defensive tackle spectrum, Johnson represents the other end, although he's also the sort of DT prospect Iowa fans have grown accustomed to seeing.  245 lbs. is obviously a bit light for DT and since Johnson also doesn't seem to have Mitch King-level quicks, he's definitely gonna need to spend a whole bunch of time with Cap'n Doyle before he sees the field.  Pencil him in for a redshirt next year and don't plan to see him on the field until probably 2012 at the earliest.
Fun Fact: Johnson will not answer to "Crockett" and will punch you in the goddamn face if you call him "Tubbs." 

Anthony Ferguson (6'2", 280)
Defensive Tackle
Gilman School (Baltimore, MD)
3* Rivals, 3* Scout, 77 ESPN
Ferguson's the third of Iowa's Maryland trio of recruits (along with Marcus Coker and Jim Poggi), as well as being Poggi's high school teammate.  He also played in something called the motherfucking Crab Bowl, which just sounds fantastic.  Anyone good enough for a crustacean-themed all-star competition is clearly good enough for us.  Like most defensive tackle prospects, Ferguson (please do not refer to him as Fergie, as you will get that "I Gotta Feeling" song stuck in our head and we will be forced to hurt you and OH GOD WHY WON'T IT STOP BEING A GOOD GOOD NIGHT) needs to add bulk and refine his technique.  But defensive tackle looks wiiide open after Ballard and King Klug depart next season, so he could be right in the thick of things in 2011.
Fun Fact: Ferguson still thinks it was like a total fucking rip-job that THE WIRE never won a goddamn Emmy, so don't bring that up unless you want him to go all Stringer Bell on yo ass.

Louis Trinca-Pasat (6'3", 235)
Defensive End
Lane (Chicago, IL)
3* Rivals, 3* Scout, 76 ESPN
If Kevonte Martin-Manley is unable to satisfy our craving for hyphenated names and three-letter nicknames once DJK is no longer a part of our lives (sob), at least we have a spare in LTP here.  Sadly, we will have to wean ourselves from the knee-jerk reaction to exclaim "LTP is fucking retarded" upon seeing or hearing the phrase "LTP."  At least now we can safely state that not all things named "LTP" from Chicago are fucking douchebags.  Anyway.  LTP played outside linebacker in high school, but projects as a defensive end at Iowa, between his limitations (not the quickest reactions in space, apparently) and the glut of true LB recruits we also picked up this year.  His fake 40 time is 4.7, which is not too shabby; ESPN says he has "above-average acceleration and top-end speed," too, which sounds promising.  There's obviously going to be a gaping hole at DE after Clayborn departs (weep) and it would be incredibly unfair (and probably wildly untrue) to peg LTP as his replacement.  But he seems to have some pretty good physical gifts and if he's half as good as the last Chicago-area prep to move from OLB to DE (Matt Roth), well, we'll be pretty damn pleased.
Fun Fact: LTP prefers King Louis XVI, but thinks Louis XIV gets a bum rap and is pretty sure Louis, le grand Dauphin is something he saw at Sea World last summer.

Mike Hardy (6'5", 260)
Defensive End
Kimberly (Appleton, WI)
3* Rivals, 3* Scout, 76 ESPN
Hardy represents that rare recruiting victory for Iowa in Wisconsin; per Rivals, he was the third-best recruit among the Sconnies this year and guys like that rarely escape the Badgers' clutches.  Perhaps Bielema's fingers were finally too greasy from his cheese curd-exclusive diet.  Hardy, who we have been able to confirm does not include solving juvenile mysteries, excessive body-paint, or pro wrestling among his hobbies, has prototypical DE size and strength and is more polished at run-stuffing than pass-rushing at this point.  His fake 40 time of 5.0 seems a little slow (for reference's sake, all of Iowa's current DL starters had fake 40 times in the 4.7s when they arrived here), so he seems like another DT candidate if he adds some more bulk.  Regardless, he looks like yet another "redshirt and wait and see" candidate.
Fun Fact: Hardy fell in love with Iowa City and committed to Iowa after being introduced to the pie-shakes at the Hamburg Inn.  Mmm pie-shakes.