There's no telling whether this Twitter thing has gotten with the program; please advise: We have important news for everybody today. Derrell Johnson-Koulianos--or DJK, as the kids call him--apparently has a Twitter account. We can't verify that it's him or anything, so if he twitpics a closeup shot of some white guy's balls, well, you didn't hear about his account from us or anything.

But if it's a hoax, it's at once incompetently and expertly executed; we say so since our BS detectors aren't going off, but that's only because there seems to be no apparent reason why anybody would fake an account like this. Really, if one were going to swipe DJK's online identity, would one really do so to send messages like this?

But that's not why DJK on Twitter is important; it's Tweets like these:

"Put a little swag in your sex, thats how you keep her from becoming your ex"

ORANGE BOWL INJURY IS 100%.FEEL'N Fast...tell your best defensive back to txt me... ill meet him @ an arranged location for one on one's??

Oh, and he declared that the national title is his only goal for next season. This year is gonna be awesome.

Follow DJK at @DJKOULIANOS.

Does this count as good news or bad news?: As we're all (painfully) aware, there hasn't been an offseason yet in the Todd Lickliter era that hasn't been defined by players abandoning the program. It's certainly open to debate whether Dan Bohall's departure from the team is a net negative or positive, but The Bozack seems to be the exception that proves the rule: mass departure is generally a bad, bad thing.

So even as the Iowa program braces to deal with the loss of Anthony Tucker, they would like you to know one thing: this silliness is about to reach an end. Per Herr Dochternan, nobody else wants to transfer:

Rumors have swirled on Internet message boards that another wave of player transfers is on the horizon. Both sophomore forward Aaron Fuller and freshman point guard Cully Payne joined Cole in shooting down those rumors.

Payne said he often hears transfer whispers throughout Iowa City.

"Last year I guess toward the end they were OK and then all those guys left and it was just kind of like restart, which wasn’t fair for coach," Payne said. "So I think we’re all staying, I haven’t heard anyone say they’re leaving. Everyone says they’re leaving here and there but from what I hear in the locker room, everyone’s staying and we’re happy and we’re keep going with this.

"People always come up to you, ‘Are you’re transferring,’ and stuff like that. We laugh at them. We’re like brothers in there. We’re not going anywhere."

Obviously, some program continuity would be a major boost to Iowa as the team strives to reach the right half of the .500 mark again. This is, essentially, the step forward Lickliter has yet to have as the coach. And still, there is such a thing as addition by subtraction. After all, we still have weekly nightmares that the NCAA will find another year for Devan Bawinkel out of nowhere. Truly shudder-worthy, that.

FIVE-YARD BUTTON CURLZ:

Mighty Casey has been cut: The Kansas City Chiefs Denver Broncos have announced the release of former Hawkeye and Aplington-Parkersburg native Casey Wiegmann. As with all difficult situations, we recommend arson.

Tempo-free stats are out, and shocker--Iowa's not very good: John Gasaway has his conference-only stats for the major conferences, and Iowa's hanging near the bottom of the Big Ten. The good news is that the defense--previously thought to be the team's weak point--has normalized to 8th/9th levels, while the offense remains putrid. If there's any consolation, it's that the offense can't possibly get worse next season. Not unless you dare these kids.

And oh, speaking of major conferences...: Gasaway also has the metrics from the Mountain West Conference in the aforementioned link. Something especially worth noting is that not only is New Mexico not the most efficient out-scorer in the conference, they're not even close. BYU has a ludicrous +.22 ratio thus far, and UNM is humming along at half that. We're not telling you how to fill out your brackets a full month before they're released; we're just saying, perhaps it might make sense to raise an eyebrow at New Mexico getting a 3 or 4 seed. Especially considering who coaches them.

And oh, speaking of [Coach Redacted]: The NCAA just put the last 10 years' NCAA tournaments online, featuring every game after the first weekend. Total number of Iowa games televised: zero. Awesome job!