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The Barbasol Prophecy

Here's the deal. We all know the Barbasol commercial by now, right?

Okay, so anybody who looks at the lyrics can tell it's a thinly-veiled paean to Ricky Stanzi. "America, you're looking good: handsome, free, and tall." Ricky Stanzi is 6'5". That's tall. Plus he loves America. But here's the thing: Ricky Stanzi doesn't shave.

But you know who does shave?

Leman_j150_medium
Boom, baby!

 

Leman/Stanzi 2012, sponsored by Barbasol. You can pick up the pieces of your exploded brain at the door.

0 recs  |  Comment 56 comments |

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J Leman is free man and he chose to play for RON ZOOK.

Come on, man. Give it up.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 11:41 AM CST reply actions  

Heroism doesn't mean not making mistakes.

It means rising above them.

Sort of like how Penn State has never risen above this:

And that is why your team has no heroes and never will.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Feb 15, 2010 11:45 AM CST up reply actions  

Sorta like your mom.

Fun times last night.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 12:10 PM CST up reply actions  

What did you say about my moma?

"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST

by Dip-Shit on Feb 15, 2010 12:11 PM CST up reply actions  

ALLEGEDLY

Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.

by Hawkeye State on Feb 15, 2010 3:15 PM CST up reply actions  

Oh right

Ahem, ask the cab driver who Clayborn alledgedly went ape shit on.

They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!

by recoveringfratguy on Feb 15, 2010 3:47 PM CST up reply actions  

Clayborn must be innocent.

If he had commited the crime, why would he comeback for his senior year and face suspension?

"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST

by Dip-Shit on Feb 15, 2010 3:55 PM CST up reply actions  

If clayborn had done it

the only evidence would be the bones of the cab driver found in his poop

by Pain in the Sash on Feb 15, 2010 4:49 PM CST up reply actions  

J Leman played for Ron Zook. Not for Iowa.

Your argument is invalid.

Douchebag.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 12:09 PM CST up reply actions  

And he also didn't play for Penn State.

Second-Rate Linebacker U strikes again, I guess.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Feb 15, 2010 12:24 PM CST up reply actions  

Yeah?

Well, your best linebacker is playing safety in the pros or some weak BS.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 12:59 PM CST up reply actions  

Chad Greenway plays safety now?

"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"

by RossWB on Feb 15, 2010 1:47 PM CST up reply actions  

He probably could.

His coverage skills are phenomenal.

by The Mexican't on Feb 15, 2010 1:52 PM CST up reply actions  

Whatever.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 2:41 PM CST up reply actions  

Don't make me pull out my list of All-Americans.

Corn. Ha.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:00 PM CST up reply actions  

The "Deer Hunter"

is misunderstood because it’s easy to think the characters are engaging in Russian Roulette to erase the horrors of war from their memories. They are really trying to get out of going back to Pennsylvania by any mean possible.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:10 PM CST up reply actions   1 recs

Yeah...

But only because the Steelers sucked then.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:14 PM CST up reply actions  

So you're saying

recreational suicide went up in PA this year?

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:17 PM CST up reply actions  

They beat the Ravens and the hockey team is decent.

So no.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:24 PM CST up reply actions  

We know how important hockey is to PA

it’s rumored that it was actually a Flyers 3-1 WIN over the Oilers on Jan 21, 1987 that led to this the following day. Imagine what a win could have done…

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:42 PM CST up reply actions  

Suck It

No more of that talk or I'll put the fucking leeches on you, understand? Raoul Duke

by wowski on Feb 16, 2010 5:31 PM CST up reply actions  

I fucking hate you.

WATCH YOUR BACK.

Twitter: @scrappled
scrappled.com

"When it’s third-and-10, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time" - Max McGee

by Run Up The Score on Feb 15, 2010 12:15 PM CST up reply actions  

In fairness...

…he was a Ron Turner recruit.

Wait. Does that make it better or worse?

by PeteJayhawk on Feb 15, 2010 11:47 AM CST up reply actions  

Yeah, but it didn't stop him

from drinking this.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 11:59 AM CST up reply actions  

Sorry, but Ro*Tel

is hocking a faux-Mexican product. Hell, I had to use a French word in conjuction with a Latin American country just to describe a product. Could that possibly “represent more than just a school or a confernce but maybe an entire group of American citizens out there”? I think not.

Barbasol, love it or leave it! Close Shave, number one!

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 12:11 PM CST up reply actions  

But isn't that what America is all about?

We take in everybody from everywhere, and make them our own?

Plus, they teamed up with Velveeta. VEL FUCKING VEETA. That is more American than even American cheese.

Mix that Ro-Tel in and whaddya got.

Melting pot.

In 100 years, we'll all be dead.

by Flakbait on Feb 15, 2010 12:57 PM CST up reply actions  

Did you know Velveeta

is clear-ish/white before they add the radioactive food coloring to it? Just like the pure whiteness of America before it was sullied by all the yellow…shit! I almost cost us our Girl’s Generation sponsorship. Never mind, Ro*Tel it is!

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:08 PM CST up reply actions  

That's OK

As soon as I read “add the radioactive” I was busy thinking up a joke about Japan.

In 100 years, we'll all be dead.

by Flakbait on Feb 15, 2010 1:14 PM CST up reply actions  

I call BS

This has “urban legend you read in an email your aunt florence forwarded you” written all over it.

Brunettes not fighter jets

by rockyh on Feb 15, 2010 4:30 PM CST up reply actions  

I’ll never understand how everyone completely ignores the beef jerky, whatever the fuck it’s called.

by txhawkeye on Feb 15, 2010 8:46 PM CST up reply actions  

That rhymed at the end there

Rhyming seems kinda… French. Minus one point.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Feb 15, 2010 1:13 PM CST up reply actions  

Zut Alors!!!

In 100 years, we'll all be dead.

by Flakbait on Feb 15, 2010 1:16 PM CST up reply actions  

Rhyming is

Irish:

When my Celt hands are a’quiver
I quickly start killing my liver
with bottle to lips
I take mighty sips
I just hope my beat wife’s a forgiver.

That’s either Joyce or Wilde, I can’t remember which.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:28 PM CST up reply actions  

Almost as good as this:

Land o’ the Kilt and Sporran -
Underneath, there’s nothin’ worn!
How I wish the wind was warm! Scotland the Brave.
I must admit it’s pretty gruesome,
Walking about wi’ your frozen twosome!
It’s all we’ve got – we musn’t lose ’em – Scotland the Brave.

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:35 PM CST up reply actions  

Yeah, except

I actually wrote that in about 4 minutes. Give a guy a break.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:43 PM CST up reply actions  

Are you a virgin?

Have you never indulged in the standard pre-fornication flapjacks? That’s why Tim Tebow is a waffles man himself.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 12:14 PM CST up reply actions  

I prefer crêpes.

They are the really thin pancakes. It’s just a French word for them.

Brunettes not fighter jets

by rockyh on Feb 15, 2010 12:36 PM CST up reply actions  

Would you believe

they’re magic pancakes?

America, you're looking good; handsome, free and tall.

by Close Shave America on Feb 15, 2010 12:15 PM CST reply actions  

Get ready

We’re going to have to do a Stanzi/Leman campaign poster thread very soon. I don’t see any other way around it.

Fire up your Photoshop (MS Paint) and prepare yourself….

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 15, 2010 12:44 PM CST reply actions  

With this is mind

perhaps BHGP should design some sort of traveling trophy to go to the winner of the Iowa vs. Illinois matchup. May I suggest calling it the Stanziman trophy? Or perhaps Jay of Champaign. Or even better how about the ‘Love it or Leave it Cup’.

by JasHawk on Feb 15, 2010 2:31 PM CST up reply actions  

Or the winning coach

gets to wear Leman’s tie over Stanzi’s shirt at the following years’ game.

Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.

by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 2:32 PM CST up reply actions  

I have held my silence on this long enough.

It should be Stanzi/Leman.

Ricky needs top billing here. He’s the QB, he has the Made In America tat and we all know about the OB post game.

In 100 years, we'll all be dead.

by Flakbait on Feb 15, 2010 1:09 PM CST reply actions  

^This^

"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno

by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:14 PM CST up reply actions  

I'm with these guys

Despite all that J has given us, he’s only (semi) responsible for 1, albeit fantastic, Hawkeye victory. Ricky on the other hand has taken this team to greatness. Stanzi/Leman gets my vote.

by The Mexican't on Feb 15, 2010 1:20 PM CST up reply actions  

I don't disagree...

…but I’ll never forget the way Leman saved the world from Mao once (or more than once?).

by Eyeheartfreedumb on Feb 16, 2010 9:36 AM CST up reply actions  

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