The Barbasol Prophecy
by Adam Jacobi on Feb 15, 2010 11:39 AM CST
in Football
56 comments
Here's the deal. We all know the Barbasol commercial by now, right?
Okay, so anybody who looks at the lyrics can tell it's a thinly-veiled paean to Ricky Stanzi. "America, you're looking good: handsome, free, and tall." Ricky Stanzi is 6'5". That's tall. Plus he loves America. But here's the thing: Ricky Stanzi doesn't shave.
But you know who does shave?
Leman/Stanzi 2012, sponsored by Barbasol. You can pick up the pieces of your exploded brain at the door.
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J Leman is free man and he chose to play for RON ZOOK.
Come on, man. Give it up.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 11:41 AM CST reply actions
Heroism doesn't mean not making mistakes.
It means rising above them.
Sort of like how Penn State has never risen above this:
And that is why your team has no heroes and never will.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
by Adam Jacobi on Feb 15, 2010 11:45 AM CST up reply actions
Sorta like your mom.
Fun times last night.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 12:10 PM CST up reply actions
What did you say about my moma?
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Don't make me send Clayborn after you...
You won’t like him when he’s angry
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Feb 15, 2010 12:13 PM CST up reply actions
Just ask the cab driver who Clayborn went ape shit on
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Feb 15, 2010 12:13 PM CST up reply actions
ALLEGEDLY
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Hawkeye State on Feb 15, 2010 3:15 PM CST up reply actions
Oh right
Ahem, ask the cab driver who Clayborn alledgedly went ape shit on.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Feb 15, 2010 3:47 PM CST up reply actions
Clayborn must be innocent.
If he had commited the crime, why would he comeback for his senior year and face suspension?
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
If clayborn had done it
the only evidence would be the bones of the cab driver found in his poop
by Pain in the Sash on Feb 15, 2010 4:49 PM CST up reply actions
J Leman played for Ron Zook. Not for Iowa.
Your argument is invalid.
Douchebag.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 12:09 PM CST up reply actions
And he also didn't play for Penn State.
Second-Rate Linebacker U strikes again, I guess.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
by Adam Jacobi on Feb 15, 2010 12:24 PM CST up reply actions
Yeah?
Well, your best linebacker is playing safety in the pros or some weak BS.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 12:59 PM CST up reply actions
Chad Greenway plays safety now?
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
He probably could.
His coverage skills are phenomenal.
by The Mexican't on Feb 15, 2010 1:52 PM CST up reply actions
Whatever.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 2:41 PM CST up reply actions
Don't make me pull out my list of All-Americans.
Corn. Ha.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:00 PM CST up reply actions
The "Deer Hunter"
is misunderstood because it’s easy to think the characters are engaging in Russian Roulette to erase the horrors of war from their memories. They are really trying to get out of going back to Pennsylvania by any mean possible.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:10 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
Yeah...
But only because the Steelers sucked then.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:14 PM CST up reply actions
So you're saying
recreational suicide went up in PA this year?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:17 PM CST up reply actions
They beat the Ravens and the hockey team is decent.
So no.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:24 PM CST up reply actions
We know how important hockey is to PA
it’s rumored that it was actually a Flyers 3-1 WIN over the Oilers on Jan 21, 1987 that led to this the following day. Imagine what a win could have done…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:42 PM CST up reply actions
I fucking hate you.
WATCH YOUR BACK.
Twitter: @scrappled
scrappled.com
"When it’s third-and-10, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time" - Max McGee
by Run Up The Score on Feb 15, 2010 12:15 PM CST up reply actions
Title of a Godsmack song.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Feb 15, 2010 9:39 PM CST up reply actions
In fairness...
…he was a Ron Turner recruit.
Wait. Does that make it better or worse?
by PeteJayhawk on Feb 15, 2010 11:47 AM CST up reply actions
Yeah, but it didn't stop him
from drinking this.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 11:59 AM CST up reply actions
Barbasol's strangle hold on the Big Ten is far greater than Rotel's
and somehow even more fitting for the conference.
No way! Rotel OWNS this conference!!!!
Quick meals!!!! I need Quick Meals!!!
by HawkeyeRecon on Feb 15, 2010 12:03 PM CST up reply actions
Sorry, but Ro*Tel
is hocking a faux-Mexican product. Hell, I had to use a French word in conjuction with a Latin American country just to describe a product. Could that possibly “represent more than just a school or a confernce but maybe an entire group of American citizens out there”? I think not.
Barbasol, love it or leave it! Close Shave, number one!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 12:11 PM CST up reply actions
But isn't that what America is all about?
We take in everybody from everywhere, and make them our own?
Plus, they teamed up with Velveeta. VEL FUCKING VEETA. That is more American than even American cheese.
Mix that Ro-Tel in and whaddya got.
Melting pot.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
Did you know Velveeta
is clear-ish/white before they add the radioactive food coloring to it? Just like the pure whiteness of America before it was sullied by all the yellow…shit! I almost cost us our Girl’s Generation sponsorship. Never mind, Ro*Tel it is!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:08 PM CST up reply actions
I call BS
This has “urban legend you read in an email your aunt florence forwarded you” written all over it.
Brunettes not fighter jets
I’ll never understand how everyone completely ignores the beef jerky, whatever the fuck it’s called.
That rhymed at the end there
Rhyming seems kinda… French. Minus one point.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Rhyming is
Irish:
When my Celt hands are a’quiver
I quickly start killing my liver
with bottle to lips
I take mighty sips
I just hope my beat wife’s a forgiver.
That’s either Joyce or Wilde, I can’t remember which.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:28 PM CST up reply actions
Almost as good as this:
Land o’ the Kilt and Sporran -
Underneath, there’s nothin’ worn!
How I wish the wind was warm! Scotland the Brave.
I must admit it’s pretty gruesome,
Walking about wi’ your frozen twosome!
It’s all we’ve got – we musn’t lose ’em – Scotland the Brave.
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:35 PM CST up reply actions
Yeah, except
I actually wrote that in about 4 minutes. Give a guy a break.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 1:43 PM CST up reply actions
Seriously What the fuck is up with the pancakes???
by HawkeyePapyrus on Feb 15, 2010 12:07 PM CST reply actions
Are you a virgin?
Have you never indulged in the standard pre-fornication flapjacks? That’s why Tim Tebow is a waffles man himself.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 12:14 PM CST up reply actions
I prefer crêpes.
They are the really thin pancakes. It’s just a French word for them.
Brunettes not fighter jets
Would you believe
they’re magic pancakes?
America, you're looking good; handsome, free and tall.
by Close Shave America on Feb 15, 2010 12:15 PM CST reply actions
Get ready
We’re going to have to do a Stanzi/Leman campaign poster thread very soon. I don’t see any other way around it.
Fire up your Photoshop (MS Paint) and prepare yourself….
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 15, 2010 12:44 PM CST reply actions
With this is mind
perhaps BHGP should design some sort of traveling trophy to go to the winner of the Iowa vs. Illinois matchup. May I suggest calling it the Stanziman trophy? Or perhaps Jay of Champaign. Or even better how about the ‘Love it or Leave it Cup’.
Or the winning coach
gets to wear Leman’s tie over Stanzi’s shirt at the following years’ game.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Feb 15, 2010 2:32 PM CST up reply actions
I have held my silence on this long enough.
It should be Stanzi/Leman.
Ricky needs top billing here. He’s the QB, he has the Made In America tat and we all know about the OB post game.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
^This^
"...there'll be some woman, maybe 45 or 50, she'll come up and give me a hug, and I'll give my wife a wink: See? I'm not that old." - Joe Paterno
by ReadingRambler on Feb 15, 2010 1:14 PM CST up reply actions
I'm with these guys
Despite all that J has given us, he’s only (semi) responsible for 1, albeit fantastic, Hawkeye victory. Ricky on the other hand has taken this team to greatness. Stanzi/Leman gets my vote.
by The Mexican't on Feb 15, 2010 1:20 PM CST up reply actions
I don't disagree...
…but I’ll never forget the way Leman saved the world from Mao once (or more than once?).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Feb 16, 2010 9:36 AM CST up reply actions
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