I'm, um, proud (?!?) to announce that Black Shoe Diaries doesn't even have this hard-hitting story yet; apparently Joe Paterno was thumbing through a copy of Reader's Digest while waiting to see his proctologist and read about some Soviet/Oriental/Martian technology that can make you see as clear as the day you squirted out of your mammismo's vongole. Long story short, JoePa doesn't need his glasses anymore. Never fear, though, for the venerable dean of Big Ten coaches has no plans to lose the glasses as he "felt weird" without them, in the way you might "feel weird" without your mandible attached. Pictures/artists renditions about what the new and improved Joe Paterno may look like are welcomed.