The KOKAINE Chronicles, Pt. 2: Intervention

Part One - Part Two -

At Ken O'Keefe's house, KOKAINE arrives home later that day

Gamekok_thumb_medium That's it.

Gamekok_thumb_medium I'm sick of listening to Stupidhead Kirk.

Gamekok_thumb_medium He's so bossy.

Gamekok_thumb_medium He thinks he knows everything, but he's such a dummy.

Gamekok_thumb_medium /slams door

Gamekok_thumb_medium GRRRR he just makes me so MAD

Gamekok_thumb_medium /holds breath

Mrskok_medium  Honey?

Gamekok_thumb_medium /continues holding breath

Mrskok_medium Ken? Is that you?

Gamekokholdshisbreath_medium /continues holding breath, turns red, clinches fists

Mrskok_medium Ken, darling? We have company.

Gamekokholdshisbreath_medium /exhales, pants

Gamekokholdshisbreath_medium /enters room

Mrskok_medium Oh Ken, why are you upset?

Gamekokholdshisbreath_medium Because that poopyhead Kirk suspended my friend.

Mrskok_medium Aw, dear, I'm sorry. But if you'll come in the kitchen, you have a friend visiting.

Gamekok_thumb_medium O RLY?

Gamekok_thumb_medium /enters kitchen after his wife

Excitedcat2_medium

Gamekok_thumb_medium Dad?

Mrok_medium Hello, son.

Gamekok_thumb_medium What are you doing here on a Tuesday afternoon?

Mrok_medium Ken, we felt we had no choice.

Mrskok_medium I don't know how to say this...

Mrok_medium Ken, this is an intervention. We think you need some help.

Gamekok_thumb_medium Intervention? I don't need an intervention. I'm fine.

Mrskok_medium Ken, the warning signs have been there for weeks.

Mrok_medium Against Northwestern, you kept throwing the ball deep when driving toward the south end zone, even though neither quarterback could complete a long pass into that wind all day, and then you ran two guys on parallel patterns over the middle about three feet apart and dared Stanzi to throw into double coverage deep.

Mrskok_medium Yeah, honey. That was really dumb.

Mrok_medium Against Ohio State, you kept using Robinson even though Coker was going for 8 yards per carry.

Mrskok_medium So, so stupid.

Mrok_medium You only managed 218 yards of offense on fucking Minnesota.

Mrskok_medium That's basically criminal incompetence.

Mrskok_medium And Dr. OK and I decided it can't be chalked up to your usual lack of creativity.

Mrok_medium Son, are you using any drugs?

Gamekok_thumb_medium NO! Of course not!

Mrskok_medium Ken, I've seen this before. Two years ago, you were complaining about losing Shonn Greene and wearing this pirate outfit. I saw it then, and I swore I would never let it happen again.

Mrok_medium Son, your actions affect us all. They affect me. They affect your wife. They affect your players, and your subordinates, and your fans. Why, they even affect Kat O'Keefe.

Gamekok_thumb_medium Aw, Kat O'Keefe, did my problems get you down?

Caticon_medium Meow.

Mrskok_medium What we're saying is

Earicon_medium HISSSSSSS GO TO COLUMBIA HISSSSSSSS

Gamekok_thumb_medium Wait, did you hear that?

Mrok_medium Hear what?

Gamekok_thumb_medium ...Nothing. Nevermind. You were saying?

Mrskok_medium I was saying that we thing you need to

Earicon_medium HISSSSSSS CALL GARY PINKEL HISSSSSSSS

Gamekok_thumb_medium There it is again!

Mrok_medium Son, I don't hear anything.

Mrskok_medium This is just another sign of the problem, Ken.

Gamekok_thumb_medium I'm telling you, I don't have a OH MY GOD

Excitedcat_medium

Kokaticon_medium HISSSSSSS LISSSSSSTEN TO ME, KEN

Kokaticon_medium HISSSSSSS YOU WILL ONLY BE RESSSSSSPECTED IF YOU GO TO MISSSSSSSOURI HISSSSSSS

Kokaticon_medium HISSSSSSS THEY WILL PROPERLY APPRECIATE YOUR OFFENSSSSSSSIVE PROWESSSSSSSS HISSSSSSS

Kokaticon_medium HISSSSSSS YOU WILL NEVER BE APPRECIATED FOR THE GENIUSSSSSSS WHILE YOU ARE WORKING FOR KIRK FERENTZZZZZZZZZ

Gamekok_thumb_medium Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Gamekok_thumb_medium /throws cat in cardboard box

Mrskok_medium Ken, what are you doing?

Gamekok_thumb_medium The cat...he...he's talking to me.

Mrskok_medium I don't know what you're talking about.  The cat was just laying on the counter.

Gamekok_thumb_medium No he wasn't!  He stood up and talked to me!

Mrok_medium This is even worse than I thought.

Gamekok_thumb_medium I...I think it stopped.  As long as the cat stays in the box, I think I'm --

Jumpcat_medium

Gamekok_thumb_medium Aaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Kokaticon_medium HISSSSSSS SSSSSSSTEAL YOUR SSSSSSSSSECRET PLAYCALLING MACHINE FROM THE FOOTBALL OFFISSSSSSES AND GIVE IT TO YOUR OPPONENTSSSSSSS HISSSSSSSSSS

Gamekok_thumb_medium I can't!

Kokaticon_medium HISSSSSSS YOU CAN AND YOU MUSSSSSSST HISSSSSSSSSS

Gamekok_thumb_medium I'll get in trouble!

Kokaticon_medium LISSSSSSSTEN TO MEEEE!  YOU ARE KOKAINE!  YOU'RE THE BESSSSSSST!

Gamekok_thumb_medium No...

Kokaticon_medium YESSSSSSSS

Gamekok_thumb_medium NO

Kokaticon_medium YESSSSSSSS

Gamekok_thumb_medium I... I...

Gamekok_thumb_medium /turns to Mrs. OK and Dr. OK

Gamekok_thumb_medium I have to go to Missouri

Mrskok_medium You have to WHAT?

Mrskok_medium Ken, get back here!

Mrskok_medium KEN, GET BACK HERE AND BE INTERVENTION'D!

To be continued...

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