The Big Ten Betting Extravaganza: Week 10
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 5, 2010 11:01 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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PrintI'm back. I'd love to talk about my whereabouts last week, but federal prosecutors forbid it. I've already said too much.
I would ridicule you for picking Michigan, but it's my money so fuck me I guess. Try to do better so I can buy Christmas presents for my loved ones.
Speaking of loved ones, my mom is visiting me from Iowa and she's sitting right next to me as I type this. She just looked at the previous paragraph and said, "what are you doing, you can't say fuck on there." *Sigh*
She does, however, still provide me with words of wisdom, like this little gem about 2 minutes ago:
"Flies eat shit. I wouldn't want to be a fly."
/finishes glass of Pinot Noir
Now get in there and pick me a winner. Momma needs another bottle of wine. Oh, and you still don't get the Iowa spread. We'll see how you act this week. Feel free to discuss it in the comments.
I'll leave you with another quote my mom just said after I started laughing when she couldn't figure out how to open up my laptop.
You act like I was born with a computer up my ass.
She's the greatest.
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I Like
Illinois v Michigan over (voted for this one)
Wisconson -20 (Also pretty safe with Bielema’s “card”)
MSU -24.5 (Sparty is pissed, maybe I should have voted for this one)
I wouldn’t go anywhere near picking a winner in Ill/UMich or PSU/jNW
"If you need a rah-rah speech at halftime, you’re playing the wrong sport." - Pat Angerer
Illinois – UM over is the best bet, but I voted for Illinois straight up because I didn’t think for a minute.
"Iowa is like a flat Pennsylvania."
Beat Northwestern.
by ReadingRambler on Nov 5, 2010 11:27 AM CDT up reply actions
I nearly did the same
Except I caught myself and voted for the over. I still think the Illini straight up is a good bet.
by The Mexican't on Nov 5, 2010 12:52 PM CDT up reply actions
I agree with them
the Michigan over is ALWAYS a good bet. I would avoid that line too. The wolverines backs are against the wall. They will beat someone soon and get to a bowl. I think its Illinois. Take the over (I accidentally voted for the iowa/IU over.
I told you bimboes not to pick Michigan.
Your choice was Joe or RichRod, and you went with that clown. Nice choice. I hope HFMR beats you with a bar of gold.
"Iowa is like a flat Pennsylvania."
Beat Northwestern.
If it makes you feel better
I was really happy to be wrong on that one.
"If you need a rah-rah speech at halftime, you’re playing the wrong sport." - Pat Angerer
I don't feel better at all
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 5, 2010 11:53 AM CDT up reply actions
I voted over on ILL/MICH.
The over seems like the closest thing you can get to a lock in a MICH game unless the weather totally FUBARs everything.
I want to say ILL +3.5, but it’s starting to seem so obvious that I dunno. Maybe The Denard pulls an extra-special pre-Veterans Day miracle out of his dreadlocks.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
the over is the safest bet in my opinion
MI has held only UConn, Notre Dame and Bowling Green under 30, Illinois has looked fairly solid on offense and if we have learned nothing else this season – the best medicine for an ailing offense is Michigan’s defense.
Picking a winner on this one is frightening, RichRod wins he probably holds onto his job, the Fighting Zookers win and he is in the conversation for coach of the year. Putting your faith in either of these two is frightening.
Is MSU going to have their late season collapse? They might but it isn’t going to be against Minnesota. I would take them even with the 24.5 point spread.
You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning
by The Bacon Explosion on Nov 5, 2010 2:48 PM CDT up reply actions
I went for the fighting Zookers straight up
Michigan sucks and they know it. Illinois has hope for a decent finish and the future.
Sparty's 24.5 looks like a trap at first glance.
Then I remembered that our juggernaut offense is probably going to be down 3 OL. And we suspended one of our captains (DT) to go along with 2 others that are missing.
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Nov 5, 2010 11:32 AM CDT reply actions
Incidentally, looking at last week's comments....
HAWKSTRADAMUS contenders:
tOSU -25.5 If OMHR took it the rear for 42 in the first half and giving a hand job for only 7in the second, poor old Goldie is gonna have a train ran on him for +56.
“You don’t become a Hawkeye fan, You’re born with Black and Gold in your veins.” – Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 29, 2010 4:20 PM CDT reply actions
This week I’m gonna take the Michigan-PSU Over. Penn State has a solid defense but as we know Michigan has a really good offense so they will put up points. On the other side, PSU offense is mediocre but Michigan’s defense is down right atrocious. Look for them to cover 53.5 with ease while Royster has a monster game.
by KGETZ3 on Oct 30, 2010 3:32 AM CDT reply actions
Those gentlemen were full of WIN.
As for the dumbasses of the week…
Following sage advise… Taking Indiana / jNW OVER… As I strutted a few weeks back.
What is IUs record v OU this year….
I’m sure one of you knows….
by Ordinary Joe on Oct 29, 2010 4:22 PM CDT reply actions
.
I’ll second that NW/Indiana over. That looks like gold
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Oct 29, 2010 6:23 PM CDT up reply actions
.thirded when Indiana faces a team without a good pass defense, take the over all the way to the bank, especially if the line is under 60
by Loretta8 on Oct 30, 2010 9:27 AM CDT up reply actionsThose souls were full of FAIL.
.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
That didn't work so well.
These people were full of WIN last week:
These people were a nested reply tree of FAIL last week:
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
Anybody who has read this site
knows that I’m a nested reply tree of fail whenever I type anything. Especially about betting.
Hell, the first thing that jumped out for me this week was Minnie covering 24.5. They’ll lose. They’ll get killed.
But my gut says they’ll only lose by 24.
But I’m also very bad at this.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Nov 5, 2010 5:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes, your mom is the greatest
/internet’d
"There are few things graven in stone, except that you have to squat or you're a pussy." -Mark Rippetoe
I think the MSU - Minnesota UNDER looks good.
57.5 seems high considering Minnesota probably isn’t going to score more than 10.
I think the Zookers get it straight up
that said. I have an awful record this year and should never be allowed near Vegas.
THE MOON WALK WAS A HOAX. YOUR POPCORN IS SHIT. JOLLY TIME FOREVER. FUCK PURDUE-RossWB
by Pain in the Sash on Nov 5, 2010 11:51 AM CDT reply actions
Your mom's right, cursing isn't allowed on the internet.
I felt bad for picking UM to cover last week, as I’ve only voted in a couple of these. So I was going to stay out of this one until I saw the Illinois straight up pick. So I picked it, pretty much because Fuck It, that’s why. That’s what gamblers do when they’re down-go for the equalizer. And I really didn’t figure it would win out anyway. Lo and behold, it’s in the lead right now.
Don’t get me wrong, I could see Illinois winning this one, but I wouldn’t put a dime of my own money on Zook doing something predictable.
I’d also like to see Michigan with some fight left in ’em when Wisconsin goes up there.
"You think you can take me? Go ahead on. It's your move." -- Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Nov 5, 2010 11:51 AM CDT reply actions
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!
"Smell the perfume but don't drink it because it might kill you." Erin Andrews recounting advise from Gary Pinkel
Ha. Yeah, I guess I was kind of all over the place there.
Which is why I don’t gamble, except with HFMR’s money.
"You think you can take me? Go ahead on. It's your move." -- Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Nov 5, 2010 5:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Zookers and DickRod will try to out pee each other.
My vote is for the over.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Nov 5, 2010 11:53 AM CDT reply actions
Your mom rocks.
Going, going, going, going, going, going, going, going.... Alright, I'll stop for now.
Illinois straight up to get us back to even!
Come on, DickRod is on another implosion almost exactly like last year. All the signs are there.
Last year, it was 4 wins in a row against inferior competition, with close wins against Notre Dame and Indiana. Insert a bunch of talk about the awesome QB and “Michigan is back.” Then losses to Sparty and Iowa. Then creampuff win. Then lose out.
This year, it was 5 wins in a row against inferior competition, with close wins against Notre Dame and Indiana. Losses to Sparty and Iowa. What comes next??? The PSU loss just proves it’s going to happen again.
The ONLY difference is that last year, their 4th cream puff was after three conference games.
Michigan’s only shot to become bowl eligible is to beat OMHR.
by KinnickNorthHawk on Nov 5, 2010 12:06 PM CDT reply actions
time to fail miserably
Iowa vs Indiana over 53.5. Stanzi will score 53 points BY HIMSELF.
Illinois straight up win. Illinois is a better team this year than most give credit and of course Michigan’s defense is terrible.
Penn St -6 vs jNW – This seems to be the hardest one on the board to pick..
Wisconsin -20 vs OMHR. Voted for this.
Michigan St. -24.5 vs Minnesota. Sparty is gonna play pisssssssssssed!
/fail
Since you address all the lines, this is as good of a place as any to say why I'm scared of most of them.
Illinois is playing fairly well, but they best team they’ve beaten is Northern Illinois. And I still see Michigan getting it straightened out at some point and playing better down the stretch than they did last year. I wouldn’t want to bet either way, but I could see a big play or two by Denard in the 4th quarter making the difference.
I still don’t know what to make of either PSU or jNW. I wouldn’t touch this one with a 10-foot pole.
I agree with Wisconsin -20. (See below.)
Sparty could come out and play pissed and put up big numbers, but I could also see last week’s loss throwing them off for the rest of the season. (Pick your meme: “Sparty being Sparty” or “Sparty NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”) I have a hard time seeing Minnesota actually winning this game, but given their penchant for covering while losing this year, and the possible Sparty collapse, I wouldn’t want to give up 24.5 points.
Illinois also crushed Penn State, who is probably as good/better than NIU.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I probably agree with you.
But NIU is the only team Illinois has beaten that is currently even receiving votes in the polls.
There is no way
the LOLverine D gets it straightened out this year. Too much work, too little time.
That said, their O can put up a lot of points, so they could win this one. They will probably beat Purdue. OSU will fuck them up completely though.
"If you need a rah-rah speech at halftime, you’re playing the wrong sport." - Pat Angerer
Wow. Is Stanzi doing the placekicking now?
I don’t see how 53 is divisible by 6.
Maybe 8 TD’s, one FG, a safety somehow? (48+3+2=53)
But if he’s kicking FG’s, he’d probably do extra points too.
7 TD’s, 7 XPs, and 2 safeties? (49+4=53)
I don’t see him playing on D though. That’s a stretch (the rest is COMPLETELY believable). So this might be the best way to get to 53:
6 TD’s, 5 XPs, 4 FG’s? (36+5+12=53)
He’s human. He misses a PAT.
by KinnickNorthHawk on Nov 5, 2010 1:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Stanzi's
Going to replace AC on the line and record 4 sacks all for losses and score 2 safeties, plus a pick-six that he pitches to Sash, who then pitches it back.
I hate this week's lines.
I took Wisky -20. I can easily envision scenarios that go either way on the other lines, but have a little more trouble seeing a banged-up fPurdue stay within 20 of a team with a dominant running game (especially if White is healthy) and a competent quarterback.
Meanwhile, you should totally start a twitter feed about “Shit My Mom Says.” I bet it would be a huge hit. Maybe it would even be turned into a TV show starring William Shatner. (No offense to your mom; it’s just that William Shatner in drag would be funnier than anything about $h*! My Dad Says.)
I gave that show about 10 episodes before cancellation
Shatner just doesn’t have the ability to carry that show by himself, since I envision the real Dad much more grumpy, funny, and pyschotic than Uncle Bill can act.
Guess what?! I got a fever, and the only prescription...is more cowbell!!
by The Bird Cult on Nov 5, 2010 5:06 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, I've been watching it for some reason.
I find the son really, really annoying. If Nicole Sullivan is arguably the second best thing about your show, you’ve probably got problems.
Illinois straight up
is the best bet for the best return this week. I feel pretty confident that the Illinois defense will slow Denard down enough for the terrible Michigan D to give up a ton of points. Probably will be a 7-10 point win for the Illini. The Over bet on Mich/Ill is probably a good bet too.
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
I gotta stick with my gut
Minnesota +24.5 just feels appropriate.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
I was going to internet scream at you to DON’T BET ON YOUR OWN TEAM, until I figured out you just went with the Iowa/IU over/under. Thank you. Never give the Iowa spread as an option again.
My awesomest bet, the Mich-IL over, is presently not winning. I would hate to have to rely on the Zooker to bail your 10:00 am wine drinking ass out (you’re in Colorado, right?) by going straight up Illini. You’re headed there right now, and it makes me nervous. I mean I thought IL would win straight up, but if the morons (me too, don’t hate) on here are headed down that train, I think you’re fucked. I’m concerned the masses don’t take their personal fake bets seriously.
That being said, maybe the true test will be later on in the day with those who only more casually read – ie, not the Ramblers, Flaks, Mexicants, etc. OTOH, if you’re plying your awesome Mom with $5 bottles of wine, you sir, are the worst son ever for a mother who comfortably says “fuck” and “shit” to her son and you deserve what you get.
Colorado yes, but I wrote this last night
And “/finishes glass of Pinot Noir” was my mom, not me.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 5, 2010 2:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Ah. I took this “…on Nov 5, 2010 11:01 AM CDT” literally. And my point was your Mom was the one drinking, and you needed to keep her in wine by having your faithful readers come through. Or, forget it, the interwebs are too hard for me.
It's ok, I just wanted to be 100% truthful like I am with everything I write on here
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 5, 2010 3:44 PM CDT up reply actions
God I don't like Michigan much
but I think that Illinois is just itching for a smack down. I see UM beating Illinois handily this Saturday. I think jNW ekes out a close win at Penn State which will send all of Evanston into a week-long self-congratulatory orgy (think 6-day krelborn circle-jerk) until Iowa wakes them up next week with epic payback.
Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to stay alive.
This has potential to be the opposite of Hawkstradamus.
And me saying that is pot calling kettle black.
Purdue
is not bad.
And is at home.
And is getting 20.
I’m all over Purdue this week.
2nd choice was Illinois +3.5
Jack Trice Stadium - Easily one of the Top 10 Stadiums in Central Iowa
She's remarried, so it's Mrs Cleveland Steamer now
But seriously, when I signed in she asked me what my name was supposed to mean. I can handle swearing a little, but that wasn’t an explanation I felt like giving. The subject was promptly changed.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 5, 2010 5:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Huh.
What does your name mean?
"Iowa is like a flat Pennsylvania."
Beat Northwestern.
by ReadingRambler on Nov 5, 2010 5:38 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh. I see.
Nevermind.
"Iowa is like a flat Pennsylvania."
Beat Northwestern.
by ReadingRambler on Nov 5, 2010 5:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Anyone know what the line was for tOSU at OMHR last year?
Purdue seems good for one upset/near upset per year. I would take them if Zookers straight up wasn’t available. I mean seriously, Scheelhaase vs. Michigan D?
it was about tOSU -13
why do I know this? Because I wagered heavily on Ohio State. Fucking Pryor.
Michigan + Over = NO FAIL
They have yet to let me down on an Over bet.
Once again. As we know, Michigan has a good offense and that guy named Denard Robinson, so they will score points, lots of them. With Illinois, they have been a pretty good team this year and, as we also know, are playing a Michigan defense that couldn’t stop the 40 Year Old Virgin from scoring on the first date.
This shit prints money. Take it, Now. I demand you. FUCKING LISTEN TO ME.
Michigan/Illinois over DIDN'T win?
Well, it’s already covered at the half. That was the easiest win of the week.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Nov 6, 2010 12:41 PM CDT up reply actions
I like it easy
instead of waiting for this crap to cover the spread in overtime…pfffft.
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