Kirk Ferentz and Gary Barta Have A Meeting

Scene: The nicest office in the Jacobson Athletic Building. Or Carver, wherever. One man sits at his desk, facing the other in front of him, and neither appears to be happy.

Barta2icon_medium 7-5, Kirk.

Iconferentz_medium Yessir.

Barta2icon_medium 4th quarter collapses all over the place.

Iconferentz_medium Yessir.

Barta2icon_medium Lots of seniors on their way out.

Iconferentz_medium Yessir.

Barta2icon_medium We play like that next year, we're not going to a bowl.

Iconferentz_medium Yessir.

Barta2icon_medium Not really what I had in mind three months ago, y'know.

Iconferentz_medium Y--no sir. Me neither.

Barta2icon_medium (exhales loudly)

Iconferentz_medium (sits silently)

Iconferentz_medium Guess we shouldn't have spent all summer making prank calls, huh?

Barta2icon_medium In retrospect, Kirk, no, we should not have.

Iconferentz_medium And I probably should have done more with conditioning than having Doyle and the guys go to Ames and overturn cars at their athletic department.

Barta2icon_medium You didn't tell me you'd be doing that.

Iconferentz_medium Yeah, I didn't want you to be an accessory. But I figured it'd be a team-building exercise, y'know, something good for the kids.

Barta2icon_medium Didn't really work, Kirk.

Iconferentz_medium I know.

Barta2icon_medium (exhales again)

Iconferentz_medium (sits silently again)

Barta2icon_medium Well, would this qualify as a lesson learned?

Iconferentz_medium I'd say so.

Barta2icon_medium Should you go work on bowl prep for whoever it is Iowa sees in December?

Iconferentz_medium Yessir.

Iconferentz_medium I probably should.

Barta2icon_medium So...

Iconferentz_medium I did bring all this beer, though, and it's not really going to drink itself. (hefts a sixer onto the table)

Barta2icon_medium          Iconbarta90_medium

Iconbarta_medium That's gumption, Kirk, and I'm proud that you're my coach.

Iconferentz_medium So who do you want to call? I figure we should call Lloyd Carr and tell him we're Michigan and we want him back.

Iconbarta_medium But at a third of the price.

Iconferentz_medium Also he has to keep Greg Robinson as his defensive coordinator.

Iconbarta_medium Does that mean we need to call RichRod first and tell him he's fired?

Iconferentz_medium I think that's exactly what it means.

Iconbarta_medium Awesome, I'll cancel my 2:30. Nobody cares about the baseball program anyway.

Iconferentz_medium We need a reason why we're not paying the buyout, though.

Iconbarta_medium Entire team got arrested for public urination. On the M Club banner. In front of an orphanage.

Iconferentz_medium God, I love this job.

Iconbarta_medium I'd fire you if you weren't awesome.

Iconferentz_medium Hahaha, yeah, I know.

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