This season might have sucked, but at least I'm not a Minnesota fan.
I'm not going to lie to you; it's a little difficult to get worked up for Goldy this year. Gone are the dreams of parading a Big Ten Championship trophy through TCF Bank Stadium, in front of Tim Brewster, after a win that knocks Minnesota out of a bowl trip. No, there will be no Big Ten title, and Goldy's bowl trip went overboard with Brewster weeks ago, and their interim coach has no chance of getting the job. It makes this week's game feel oddly one-off.
Fortunately, it's still Minnesota. It might not be Tim Brewster, but it's still Adam Weber, forever regressing, now playing for his third coach and completely incapable of saving him, as well. It might not be the horrendous 2007 defense, but it is still a defense lost, confused, and giving up 409 yards and 34 points per game. It might not be for a Big Ten title, but it's still for Floyd, the most prized piece of bronzed pork in the world. It might not be important to anything else, but it's still Minnesota. It's still the program who chases big name coaches like a child chasing the end of a rainbow. It's still the program that had Bo Pelini and took Tim Brewster. It's still such a massive, massive trainwreck.
So we will travel -- oh God, will we travel -- and we'll bring our typical ravenous horde of Mongrels to TCF Bank Stadium, once lauded for being the perfect size to keep out the foreign menace, but those projections didn't include 2-9 seasons and fan apathy of epic proportions. Like its predecessor, we will make TCF Bank Stadium an extension of our program, an outpost on the great northern frontier. Kinnick North Redux, etc. But that won't be enough, not with a reputation to uphold and an opponent to obliterate. No, the horde must gobble up every resource at its disposal, like the proverbial plague of locusts set loose in St. Paul. Their stadium belongs to us, goalposts and all. Only after we have beaten them and claimed our prizes of bronzed swine and yellow steel will we know this game, this campaign, this task is complete. Minnesota is still on the schedule, and because of that there is still something to salvage. This Thursday, give thanks for that. Give thanks for hate.
Hate week is here, everyone. Viva hate.