Wizgerald consults the Oracle
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 12, 2010 2:01 PM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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/weep
You want me to do that thing with my finger that you like?
(sniff) Not right now. I'm still thinking about the potato.
Jesus, you need to pull yourself together. You have a game tomorrow. You haven't even consulted the Oracle yet.
Sweet chode salsa, you're right! There's still time. Quick, bring me my loafers.
Bieberjuice! Bieberjuice! Bieberjuice!
POOF!
sup
Please, Oracle, I need advice.
Baby, take my open heart and all it offerrrrrrs.
Please, Oracle, I don't have time for your sweet, sensual melodies. I'll listen to them on my Zune when i get home.
Your lips, my biggest weakness...
Yes yes, I know. Basenez used to tell me the same thing. Seriously though, I need to know what I can do to beat Iowa on Saturday.
Did you bring me a sacrifice?
Yes, lord.
ROFLcopters!
BIEBER HUNGRY! NOM NOM NOM!
Alright, I've kept my end of the bargain. Now it's your turn. I need advice.
Granted. See card in disposal slot.
What, so you're a fucking Zoltar machine now? Fine, whatever.
Yeah ok, very funny. Come on. I need serious advice.
Granted.
ABOUT THE GAME, SHITWAD! I NEED ADVICE ABOUT THE IOWA GAME!
Granted.
WHAT? I'M NOT FUCKING SURRENDERING! GIVE ME A DEFENSIVE SCHEME OR A TRICK PLAY OR SOMETHING!
Oh right, sorry. Granted.
YOU LITTLE SONOFABITCH!
Hey calm down, I was just messing with you.
Really?
Yeah, sorry. Here.
YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD, ASSHOLLLLLLLE
Mmm hmm
/snaps fingers
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Comments
Fanflippintastic
I just covered my moniter with energy drink. That is funny shit.
Your killing me Smalls.
by Carfino's revenge on Nov 12, 2010 2:08 PM CST reply actions
I think HFMR was trying to say:
Bieber eats cox.
by TEXaco on Nov 12, 2010 2:34 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
I read it on three different messageboards
so it must be true
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
straight up.
im just pissed that j-beibs and t-brady have stanzi hair. it makes me hate them less… a little
fightin for president stanzi's fightin americanzis since his first 13 yard charge - syracuse '07
by metcalfrhymeswithblodbath on Nov 12, 2010 3:59 PM CST up reply actions
"Sweet chode salsa"?
That image will never leave my head again.
[/shudder]
"There are no Pan Asian supermarkets down in hell, so you can't buy Golden Boy peanuts." - The Mountain Goats
You can thank Storminspank for that one
It’s his team name in our Fantasy Football League
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 12, 2010 2:43 PM CST up reply actions
A match made in HELL
Your killing me Smalls.
by Carfino's revenge on Nov 12, 2010 2:23 PM CST up reply actions
For some reason
I have no problem whatsoever imagining that Fitzgeral owns a Zune. Much like Northwestern fans, Zune owners number in the elevens.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
That does beg the question - where do all the unsold Zunes go?
Guess what?! I got a fever, and the only prescription...is more cowbell!!
by The Bird Cult on Nov 12, 2010 11:04 PM CST up reply actions
Oh my sides hurt from so much laughter.
Thanks for the greatest way to end the week HFMR.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
Oh my oh my
I shit my pants at work. Sweet chode salsa… in my pants. Thanks HFMR. You should be making money for this stuff.
Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to stay alive.
I used to think National Lampoon was funny
But compared to this piece, nothing else is funny. Except the maybe the farting baby videos on Youtube.
You'll get nothing and like it.
by Loosemeatsammich on Nov 12, 2010 3:51 PM CST reply actions
Whoa
You clearly didn’t #prayforjustin on twitter yesterday. But at least you made sure he got his grape sack taken care of.
The offensive line was inspired by McGloin.
Holy fuckin wow!
HFMR, you have serious wordsmithing talent. “Your mom licked my grape sack”…priceless! I tinkled in my pants a little.
I'll take "The Penis Mightier" for $500, Trebek.
THIS
Was the perfect thing I needed to start off my Saturday morning….
by bornofclay on Nov 13, 2010 7:59 AM CST via mobile reply actions
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