The Hawkeye Index, Part the First.*

Cruising the Stats Sheets.

Current national Iowa ranking in rushing defense:  2.

Alabama ranking in rushing defense:  19.

Score of intergalactic mega-game, Alabama v. PSU:  24-3.

Score of overlooked Big Ten tilt, Iowa v. PSU: 24-3.

Increase in game experience of stud PSU freshman QB, mega-game v. overlooked game:  400%.

Difference it made in outcome:  0%.

(Value of comparative scores: also 0%, but still.)

Number of rushing touchdowns yielded by Iowa, 2010:  0.

Number of other FBS schools yielding 0 rushing touchdowns in first five games:  0.

Number of other FBS schools yielding 0 rushing touchdowns in first four games (i.e., they already had their bye):  1.

Name of the other one:  Arizona, I think it's pronounced.  (But I gnash my teeth at the sound, and may be wrong.)

Ranking, in regard to national rushing defense, of Arizona:  21.

Ranking, in regard to national rushing defense (reminder), of Iowa:  2.

Number of Arizona offensive drives resulting in a touchdown: 1.

Total points scored by Arizona:  34.

Number of missed game opportunities for historically important Iowa team to achieve righteous prominence:  1.

Number of Iowa rushing touchdowns yielded, period 2007-2010 (present date):  27.

Number of games played by Iowa, period 2007-2010 (present date):  43.

Probability of Iowa yielding a single rushing touchdown, irrespective of turnovers or special teams debacle, per game:  63%.

Average points per game yielded by Iowa on the ground, period 2007 to present:  4.4.  [Figure assumes a TD=7, not 6.]

Probability you are going to beat Iowa scoring 4.4 points per game on the ground: not so hot.

Game success achieved by the preeminent run game Evil Genius of the past 30 years, by name Paul Johnson, v. Iowa:  [null set].

Probability that Kirk Ferentz and Norm Parker think football is not so complicated, and you can't win if you can't run, control the LOS, and generally frighten people:  99.9999999%.

Probability that KF and NP think we lost to OSU last year because they ran for three (3) TDs and 229 yards: are you serious?

The number of touchdowns a team can score cruising up and down the field throwing quick passes between the 20's:  0.

The reason the second half of the 2010 PSU-Iowa game was dull and alarming to Hawkeye enthusiasts who want to beat PSU by 40 and score brownie points with sportswriters in the SEC and Pac-10:  see prior notes.

Reason, in a 6-2 game, Iowa walked out of the end zone and handed PSU 2 points:  see prior notes.

Final score of that game:  6-4.

Number of FBS scholarship offers dangled before Mike Daniels: 0.

Number of teams who will attempt to block Adrian Clayborn with one man, 2010: 0, not even Carimi will be left alone with Clayborn.

Number of 300-lb defensive ends who ran the 4x100 spring relay in high school and won a state championship:  I don't know, but it's not a very big number.

Number of All American tackles who entered college weighing (Klug) 207 and (Daniels) 210: I don't know, but it's not a big number.

Ranking, all-time, against all Big Ten d-lines, of the 2010 Hawkeye d-line:  I don't know, but we will find out in the next 60 days.

Likelihood that I'll have to remove my shoes and socks, and unzip my pants, to count the number of better d-lines in Big Ten history: ask Joe Paterno, he's our living history authority, but I suspect it's extremely low.

Number of pussies who start for an Iowa defense coached by Norm Parker (cumulative, all years):  0.

Wealth created by Chris Doyle, empowering his willing charges:  hundreds of millions of dollars (think about it).

Number of hours Norm Parker has spent lying on his back thinking about Denard Robinson while people cut off his body parts:  150 (here's hoping).

Number of times Norm developed a bad game plan when he had time to think about it:  0.

Most physical football games played in the FBS division, last four years:  Iowa v. Michigan State.

Value of Iowa's serendipitous bye week occurring a) while Michigan prepares for the unrelenting pain that is Michigan State; and b) Norm has nothing to do but reflect on the mystery that is Denard:  To Infinity, and Beyond!

*[Apologies to Harpers Index]