Cruising the Stats Sheets.
Current national Iowa ranking in rushing defense: 2.
Alabama ranking in rushing defense: 19.
Score of intergalactic mega-game, Alabama v. PSU: 24-3.
Score of overlooked Big Ten tilt, Iowa v. PSU: 24-3.
Increase in game experience of stud PSU freshman QB, mega-game v. overlooked game: 400%.
Difference it made in outcome: 0%.
(Value of comparative scores: also 0%, but still.)
Number of rushing touchdowns yielded by Iowa, 2010: 0.
Number of other FBS schools yielding 0 rushing touchdowns in first five games: 0.
Number of other FBS schools yielding 0 rushing touchdowns in first four games (i.e., they already had their bye): 1.
Name of the other one: Arizona, I think it's pronounced. (But I gnash my teeth at the sound, and may be wrong.)
Ranking, in regard to national rushing defense, of Arizona: 21.
Ranking, in regard to national rushing defense (reminder), of Iowa: 2.
Number of Arizona offensive drives resulting in a touchdown: 1.
Total points scored by Arizona: 34.
Number of missed game opportunities for historically important Iowa team to achieve righteous prominence: 1.
Number of Iowa rushing touchdowns yielded, period 2007-2010 (present date): 27.
Number of games played by Iowa, period 2007-2010 (present date): 43.
Probability of Iowa yielding a single rushing touchdown, irrespective of turnovers or special teams debacle, per game: 63%.
Average points per game yielded by Iowa on the ground, period 2007 to present: 4.4. [Figure assumes a TD=7, not 6.]
Probability you are going to beat Iowa scoring 4.4 points per game on the ground: not so hot.
Game success achieved by the preeminent run game Evil Genius of the past 30 years, by name Paul Johnson, v. Iowa: [null set].
Probability that Kirk Ferentz and Norm Parker think football is not so complicated, and you can't win if you can't run, control the LOS, and generally frighten people: 99.9999999%.
Probability that KF and NP think we lost to OSU last year because they ran for three (3) TDs and 229 yards: are you serious?
The number of touchdowns a team can score cruising up and down the field throwing quick passes between the 20's: 0.
The reason the second half of the 2010 PSU-Iowa game was dull and alarming to Hawkeye enthusiasts who want to beat PSU by 40 and score brownie points with sportswriters in the SEC and Pac-10: see prior notes.
Reason, in a 6-2 game, Iowa walked out of the end zone and handed PSU 2 points: see prior notes.
Final score of that game: 6-4.
Number of FBS scholarship offers dangled before Mike Daniels: 0.
Number of teams who will attempt to block Adrian Clayborn with one man, 2010: 0, not even Carimi will be left alone with Clayborn.
Number of 300-lb defensive ends who ran the 4x100 spring relay in high school and won a state championship: I don't know, but it's not a very big number.
Number of All American tackles who entered college weighing (Klug) 207 and (Daniels) 210: I don't know, but it's not a big number.
Ranking, all-time, against all Big Ten d-lines, of the 2010 Hawkeye d-line: I don't know, but we will find out in the next 60 days.
Likelihood that I'll have to remove my shoes and socks, and unzip my pants, to count the number of better d-lines in Big Ten history: ask Joe Paterno, he's our living history authority, but I suspect it's extremely low.
Number of pussies who start for an Iowa defense coached by Norm Parker (cumulative, all years): 0.
Wealth created by Chris Doyle, empowering his willing charges: hundreds of millions of dollars (think about it).
Number of hours Norm Parker has spent lying on his back thinking about Denard Robinson while people cut off his body parts: 150 (here's hoping).
Number of times Norm developed a bad game plan when he had time to think about it: 0.
Most physical football games played in the FBS division, last four years: Iowa v. Michigan State.
Value of Iowa's serendipitous bye week occurring a) while Michigan prepares for the unrelenting pain that is Michigan State; and b) Norm has nothing to do but reflect on the mystery that is Denard: To Infinity, and Beyond!
*[Apologies to Harpers Index]