FanPost

Shakespearean Opponents: Michigan Wolverines

[Bumped. As if we'd ever keep this off the front page this season. --AJ]

"Richard III"

Rich Rodriguez: Richard III
Lloyd Carr: Edward IV
Tate Forcier: Buckingham
Denard Robinson: Tyrrel
Honor and Tradition: The Princes
Jim Harbaugh: Richmond/Henry Tudor

The parallels are striking to Iowans conversant in the Bard.

His coat of arms is a hirsute boar and that heraldry elicits a fitting visage of the misshapen and manipulative Richard (Rodriguez), who fiendishly plots his path to the throne despite his older brother, King Edward IV (Carr), currently ensconced. The feeble sovereign is quickly toppled, hastened to his demise by Richard's rapaciousness and impatience, and thus sets in motion a maelstrom.

Piggish and pregnant with designs on the crown, Richard employs the serpentine services of his sycophantic confidant, Buckingham (Forcier). Together they mete out their unattenuated vengeance on those who would prevent Richard's ascendency, namely the Princes (Michigan football's honor and tradition), babe children of the deceased king.

When Buckingham balks at committing such a particularly heinous monstrosity, Richard enlists the services of the criminal, Tyrrel (Robinson), to smother the rightful heirs to the throne and bury their bodies in the Tower of London. And for Buckingham's apprehension to do Richard's bidding, it ends up costing the former cohort his head.

However, much like the sum total of the universe is zero, untamed aggression can only go unchecked for so long before a backlash. In a distant land the nobleman, Richmond (Harbaugh), consolidates his power to counter the now wildly amok Richard. Those courtiers who are either disaffected or disgusted by Richard's Machiavellian pursuits accrete at Richmond's side to rally for battle against the usurper.

Justice is swift for the ugly Richard as his army is overrun by superior numbers and strategy. In the fog of war, Richard having now lost nearly everything cries:

A defense, a defense, my kingdom for a defense

The just and righteous Richmond crosses swords with Richard and the Boar is vanquished; he is delivered unto Hell putrescent and grotesque with the nickname Dick.

# # #

Previous Chapters

IV: Penn State Nittany Lions -- "Julius Caesar"
III: Ball State Cardinals -- "As You Like It"
II: Arizona Wildcats -- "Macbeth" [sighs]
I: Iowa State Cyclones -- "Much Ado About Nothing"

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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