Denard Robinson vs the Iowa Hawkeye defense: Explaining this matchup to the Atari Generation
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 13, 2010 1:00 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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PrintUp to this point in the season, Pacnard has been playing on a field plentiful with dots, fruits and power pellets. Most of the defenses have consisted of 11 enemies running indiscriminately in circles. And for the most part they seem to be a little, I don't know.......scared.
No one can deny how much ass he's been kicking up to this point. Most video games start out easy. Pass a few levels, though, and the difficulty increases. We've moved to the next stage in the game. Gone, now, are Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde. Say hello to their replacements.
Good luck getting past this level......
Oh no, Pacnard! Where did all the power pellets go???
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Possibly your best post
other than the Thrift Store “The Catch” Poster, of course.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
I still don't know what jtothep means, though I gather it's obscene.
Meanwhile, I don’t play video games, never have, won’t, but this is inspired.
What I want to know, and what Michigan should want to know, is if Norm spent the last six weeks thinking about this game.
I think that, and Phil Parker and Darrell Wilson wishing to get their own, first, signature wins, might be powerful.
Parker and Wilson could be household football names by Sunday morning if they shut this guy DR down.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
Dammit, Bellanca.
I still have no idea whether you’re serious, but I swear that “jtothep” has been explained already. J to the P.
by The Mexican't on Oct 13, 2010 3:01 PM CDT up reply actions
Is this algebra
What are the values for J and P, or do I have to solve for one. I wasn’t aware there would be maths here.
Everyone should thank JoePa for helping keep Zook around for another year. Way to take one for the team conference.
I'm not 100% sure
but I think you kinda answered your own question. To expand on it “J to the P = Joe to the Paterno”
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Oct 13, 2010 6:11 PM CDT up reply actions
Because you seem like an earnest fellow
It’s hip-hop phraseology. From the 80s. If you’ve got an abbreviation, say a nickname of initials, like JP (my own or JoePa’s), or some street slang for an automatic weapon, like an AK, and you wanna make it extra gangsta, you dice it up a bit. Spread em apart, drop in a ‘to the’ or ‘to the motherfuckin’ in the middle and stretch out the tone.
1986 first time I heard it. I’m a 15yo wannabe-less-cracka livin in my little corner of the 717, and Ice-T’s Rhyme Pays cassette made its way into my tape deck.
Most emcees today
Ain’t got nothin to say
A to the motherfuckin K
My team is on the field.
I still read ...
a copy I saved of the Thrift Store "The Catch" Poster post and laugh out loud evey time. It has made me amost buy a unicorn print.
by HawkeyeinOregon on Oct 13, 2010 3:27 PM CDT up reply actions
Disagree.
Remember the legendary run with Clayborn up the middle play he diagrammed before a game last year?
"But then again I’d second guess anything a clown like me says anyway."
by ReadingRambler on Oct 13, 2010 1:18 PM CDT up reply actions
It's not like there is a shortage of HFMR greatness
but the one-two combo of “Sad Jesus – booo!/Happy Jesus – Yay!” iced it for me.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 13, 2010 1:35 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm more partial to "pube check"
for obvious reasons.
by Pubes in Pink Urinals on Oct 13, 2010 1:19 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Pube Check is the Best. Post. Ever.
Don’t mess with HFMR. He’s a malicious S.O.B.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Oct 13, 2010 3:28 PM CDT up reply actions
PacMan?!?! That's amazing!
I wish the first atari I had wasn’t high powered enough to have PacMan. I thought Pong was great until I saw Combat and Breakout and then the apex of the pyramid came along in Pitfall! Spend hours, no days playing that game before I realized it was only four screens repeating. Not much you can do with 4K of memory.
You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning
by The Bacon Explosion on Oct 13, 2010 2:28 PM CDT up reply actions
I detassled when I was 14
In order to buy an Atari 2600 and 13" color t.v. I thought I was the baddest man on the block, and like you said it was a HUGE upgrade from pong. (Thanks Santa) Now I have to think of things to tell the wife when I come home with new games for the PS3. But man are the graphics better than River Raid and Keystone Kapers.
Who's leg do I have to hump to get a drink around here?-Brian
You have just named my 2 favorite Atari games ever
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 13, 2010 3:13 PM CDT up reply actions
I must confess that I am a closet Miss Pacman player.
"Have you ever had the Hot Pocket Hot Pocket? It’s Hot Pocket inside a Hot Pocket. Tastes just like a Hot Pocket."
The bar I frequented when I lived in Colorado had the table-style Ms. Pac-Man game...
…and my buddy and I played it so often, and so furiously that crowds used to gather to listen to us talk shit to each other and to play the drinking game we created surrounding the gameplay (shots based on level-ups… one would pour while the other played… if I got a fruit piece he had to chug his beer until I died or until he finished his beer & vice versa… and various drinking rules based on each others’ insults… I remember one was that the person playing had to do a shot while playing if the other person made them laugh with their shit talking, and one had to do with crowd response).
It was cool because you could learn the patterns which took a little thinking out of it, though the patterns changed with every level-up (less thinking is good when you are busy getting drunk). And I remember that one of the best psych-outs was the “Vince Vaughn from Swingers.” Saying shit like, “You are SO money baby. You don’t even know how money you are! You’re like a bear with razor sharp claws and [that ghost] is just a little bunny. Just a scared, cowering bunny…” etc.
Sorry for Wall-O-Text. I just tripped down memory lane. Besides, how often does Ms. Pac-Man come up?
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 14, 2010 12:30 AM CDT up reply actions
Which bar?
I’ll go see if your high scores are still intact.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 14, 2010 1:49 AM CDT up reply actions
I can't tell you how much I love the idea
of a high-score pilgrimage.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 14, 2010 8:53 AM CDT up reply actions
Solid's Muldoon in Durango (down by the Four Corners)...
…though I’m pretty sure they unplugged the damn thing fairly often (which is why we had to entertain ourselves with the drinking game- – at least until the dancefloor part of the bar got filled up for the night).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 14, 2010 10:15 AM CDT up reply actions
LOVED this story.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 14, 2010 9:15 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't think I would detassle corn for anything!
Holy shit, that is the worst job ever. Ok maybe I would detassle for press box seats…
by MaulerHawk on Oct 13, 2010 5:29 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I would have to think long and hard about it though.
God I hated that job.
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Oct 13, 2010 5:31 PM CDT up reply actions
You know, no one outside of Iowans can really appreciate how bad detasslling sucks the big one...
by MaulerHawk on Oct 13, 2010 6:15 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Sorry...let's just say the Midwest..
by MaulerHawk on Oct 13, 2010 8:23 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
There you go.
And kids these days think detassling sucks, but back in my day we didn’t have the machines that could navigate muddy fields or do most of the work for you. And it was always muddy and uphill. both ways, in the snow, without shoes. Wait, what was I griping about?
Carrying your baby sister to school on your shoulders...
To keep her from suffocating in the snow drifts. I think. That’s what I usually gripe about.
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Oct 13, 2010 8:29 PM CDT up reply actions
yea, well
My baby sister was twins and they were both disabled. Kind of an indiscriminate TinyTim thing going on and we ate dirt twice a day because it was the only thing my sick momma could fix – Daddy said she had a bad case of the vapors. And were thankful for it!
You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning
by The Bacon Explosion on Oct 14, 2010 7:30 AM CDT up reply actions
That's the way it was...
…and weeeeeeee liked it that way.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 14, 2010 10:16 AM CDT up reply actions
You gripe about the carrying?
Or the lack of fratricide?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 14, 2010 8:54 AM CDT up reply actions
I grew up in NYC and
the only detassling I ever saw was on west 43rd. It didn’t bother me at all.
"Have you ever had the Hot Pocket Hot Pocket? It’s Hot Pocket inside a Hot Pocket. Tastes just like a Hot Pocket."
Guiliani ruined that city...
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 14, 2010 8:56 AM CDT up reply actions
Midwest it is...
…cause I was gonna point out that detassling in Nebraska is automatically worse because you are in the state of Nebraska.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 14, 2010 12:01 AM CDT up reply actions
Sad to say, but this is true....Been there, done that.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 14, 2010 8:53 AM CDT up reply actions
I have never detassled corn.
I have picked strawberries and I don’t think that’s any better.
"But then again I’d second guess anything a clown like me says anyway."
by ReadingRambler on Oct 13, 2010 7:47 PM CDT up reply actions
/scoffs
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 13, 2010 8:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Picking strawberries sucks nuts
Has to be by hand, and all the stooping. My god, the stooping.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 13, 2010 9:18 PM CDT up reply actions
Was the stooping
as annoying as the stooping in Arizona?
"I shoot, I score. He shoots, I score." - Dan Gable
by ClaybornSmash on Oct 13, 2010 9:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Not quite.
"But then again I’d second guess anything a clown like me says anyway."
by ReadingRambler on Oct 13, 2010 10:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes.
HFMR doesn’t know what he’s scoffing about.
"But then again I’d second guess anything a clown like me says anyway."
by ReadingRambler on Oct 13, 2010 10:34 PM CDT up reply actions
And all the external seeds
leave little marks on your fingers so that your weekly manicure is completely ruined.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 14, 2010 8:55 AM CDT up reply actions
Me: 6'5" with giant strong hands
I’ll sit on my crate and detassle like a mofo while you can stoop all day in the fields. Deal done.
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 14, 2010 9:13 PM CDT up reply actions
I think you've confused this as a dating site
but since you’re already described your hands, go on…
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 15, 2010 10:48 AM CDT up reply actions
Raspberries
Stooping and thorns. It sucks. But still not as much as detasseling. Although getting paid by the bushel is worse than the hourly for detasseling, IMO.
Of course now I know of a spot with really good wild raspberries and mulberries
So I pick them without getting paid, which is kind of sick I guess.
RIVER RAID!!!
I loved that game. The one thing I couldn’t figure out though was that you were flying an airplane shooting ships and bridges, but you couldn’t fly over them. I was always in bewilderment about that.
The other great thing about Atari was the game Stampede and Atari baseball. In the Baseball game, if you had the ball on 3rd base or 1st base, you could throw the ball off the screen (oppisite side of where the base was) and have it go to 1st or 3rd respectively.
TOUCHDOWN IOWA! TOUCHDOWN IOWA! - Gary Dolphin
I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT! - Jim Zabel
We're???
Do you have a mouse in your pocket?
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Oct 13, 2010 5:32 PM CDT up reply actions
The irony of this post
is that I was actually playing Pacman on a website emulator just before I read this article. HOW CREEPY IS THAT????
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I need to stop checking this blog at work
Just discovered Black Heart Gold Pants yesterday, and now I keep nearly LOLing at my desk.
You need to check the archives. Plenty of material to keep you LAWLing and LULLing
by HawkeyeRecon on Oct 13, 2010 2:13 PM CDT up reply actions
And RORing...
…along with Kim Jong Il’s guards (or Mao’s guards if you’re hanging out with Yao Ming).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 13, 2010 2:29 PM CDT up reply actions
I just researched the source of the thrift store comment. Also hilarious.
Any other recommendations?
by ShawHall2006 on Oct 13, 2010 2:30 PM CDT up reply actions
If no one has mentioned The JoePa Chronicles to you yet...
…get ready to spend your next three days very unproductively (yet highly entertained).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 13, 2010 2:32 PM CDT up reply actions
Also, check out J Leman Saves The World.
Pubecheck is epic. Also, if you truely want the full experience, you should make some time to read some of the archived The Hawkeye Compulsion, which was the primordial soup that quickly spawned the aberration of evolution that is this site.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 13, 2010 2:49 PM CDT up reply actions
And Inkon Sola Bowl.
Or any post that features Jamie Pollard, Ferentz and Bloodpunch, really.
by Abbas_Cincinnatus on Oct 13, 2010 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Is Pubecheck the Forde Yard Dash spoof?
by ShawHall2006 on Oct 13, 2010 3:17 PM CDT up reply actions
No need to spoof the Forde Yard Dash
One cannot mock that which is already a complete joke
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Wow, just got in the way-back machine...
and read the entire J LEMAN SAVES THE WORLD series AND The Zook Murders. Effing epic shit. And make sure you read the JoePa Chronicles and all of the MARCHIFORNICATIONs and REMARCHIFORNICATIONs. It is well worth your time, you won’t be unsatisfied… er… Yeah.
If I wanted a signature line, I would have asked for one... /facepalm
by hawkeye_heartattack on Oct 13, 2010 4:02 PM CDT up reply actions
The original Zooker post (media days IIRC) is so disturbing and hilarious at the same time...
…with the shampoo and the hotel meeting and the “interview.”
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 14, 2010 12:08 AM CDT up reply actions
Pube check
A must
You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning
by The Bacon Explosion on Oct 13, 2010 2:43 PM CDT up reply actions
The Evil Wizgerald
…and the story of the baked potato kills me every time I think about it.
by iowaengineer on Oct 13, 2010 10:54 PM CDT up reply actions
That one's greatness (even if it hurts a little to think about) for many reasons...
…but especially for the epic photoshop (don’t tell me that’s MSPaint) of the Baked PoWooten exploding when it runs into Stanzi.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 14, 2010 12:06 AM CDT up reply actions
is this an alien?
fightin for president stanzi's fightin americanzis since his first 13 yards charge - syracuse '07
by metcalfrhymeswithblodbath on Oct 13, 2010 2:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Like a Whitley Strieber wet dream.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 13, 2010 2:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Obscure Reference Credit ...
to you sir.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Oct 13, 2010 3:30 PM CDT up reply actions
Thank the Bravo Network
and the dearth of programming they featured when they first started. For some reason, along with Lair of the White Worm, Communion was on constant loop late on Fridays (when I would be on the couch paralyzed in a tired/drunken stupor). One of the truly great/hilarious/awful Christopher Walken roles.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 13, 2010 3:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Speaking of which ...
When Encore came out, “Wolfen” ~ based on a novel by Strieber ~ was on a near-constant loop. Albert Finney chased through NYC by wolf spirits. Why take drugs when you have Wolfen?
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Oct 13, 2010 3:45 PM CDT up reply actions
Because how else will you understand it?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Oct 13, 2010 3:58 PM CDT up reply actions
See...
…I know they’re power pellets, but they also look like Dragon Balls.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 13, 2010 2:53 PM CDT up reply actions
Is that Christina Ricci’s swedish half-sister?
@EpicTripod
SBN - Pittsburgh
Success With Honor
by Jeff Junstrom on Oct 13, 2010 2:55 PM CDT up reply actions
It's her genetically altered Swedish sister.
She was crossbred with a bush baby.
Templeton Rye'd the Lightning.
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Oct 13, 2010 5:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Mmm-hmm
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 13, 2010 11:06 PM CDT up reply actions
I still own an Atari...
…but after seeing this I just chucked my Pac-Man game out the window after telling it what a disgrace it is.
I want this version!
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 13, 2010 2:52 PM CDT reply actions
lol
lol, funny stuff
Didnt one of the gaming systems in the 80s come out with generic version of Pac Man. I seem to recall that. My memory is a bit hazy
I wonder if anyone remembers the ‘patterns’ in that game that you could memorize and get the high score all the time with?
www.justcoverblog.com
The TI-99/4A home "computer" had Munchman
The ghosts changed every few levels. The TI was the entertainment console in my family. Parsec (with the expanded voice effects) is still an awesome freaking game.
"You think you can take me? Go ahead on. It's your move." -- Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III
by IPeeBlackAndGold on Oct 13, 2010 5:24 PM CDT up reply actions
Pretty sure Commodore 64 had something like this too
Though admittedly, I mostly only played Gorf and Mouse Trap
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 13, 2010 6:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Thanks a lot
Now when watching Denard run this weekend I’m going to be thinking “wockawockawockawockawockawocka” the whole time.
by Yinka Double Dare on Oct 13, 2010 3:41 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
But think of the joy when it goes from wockawockawocak...
to beeppboopbyoooop.
by Norm Parker's Amputated Toes on Oct 13, 2010 5:24 PM CDT up reply actions
I will be doing that every time he gets tackled...
…wompwoompwummp wopwop.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 14, 2010 12:12 AM CDT up reply actions
You know
Now I’m going to go home and play pacman hoping that if I manage to do really well Michigan has a chance in this game.
My official game prediction:
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 13, 2010 3:51 PM CDT reply actions
Good stuff HFMR
Now i will spend my evening dusting off the Atari 2600 tonight.
by CooterDavenhawk on Oct 13, 2010 3:52 PM CDT reply actions
Come to think of it...
I’m pretty sure your house is the first place I ever played Atari.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 13, 2010 4:10 PM CDT up reply actions
Thanks for the link
I’m playing screaming things like “Bad Zone Read”, “Safety Blitz”, “Jukes Defender”, “Goes Dilithium” and “Clayborn’d” at my monitor.
"Have you ever had the Hot Pocket Hot Pocket? It’s Hot Pocket inside a Hot Pocket. Tastes just like a Hot Pocket."
by Kluginator on Oct 13, 2010 4:10 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs
Kluginator, your continued MS Paint skillz are brightening my life
I spent half my life's earnings on wine, women & song. The other half I wasted.
by therealCatnuts on Oct 13, 2010 11:03 PM CDT up reply actions
Hopefully this game stays in regulation time.
…After the fifth OT, the field in the Big House turns into a giant kill screen.
Hopefully he does have power pellets.
He needs them right now. Can’t wait to see him back with the team.
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