Top Ten Reasons Why Iowa Will Lose to The Georgian Institutional Polytechnologically University *
10. Classic Rock. In December of 1989 Canadian super group Rush released their deeply complex transitional rock album Presto, Neil Young released Rockin in the Free World and Norm Parker had ten toes. Parker and Michigan State faced off against the Univ. of Hawai'i in the Aloha Bowl on December 25th of that year and Parker's team won, decisively. As it so happens, a young Paul Johnson was the offensive coordinator for the Rainbow Warriors. Today hardcore Rush fans will tell you Presto holds little significance in the Rush discography, Neil Young will sardonically admit he now rocks in a far less free world, and Parker's down to eight toes. By the end of Tuesday night it will be clear that Parker's success against Johnson's option attack that Christmas Day over 20 years ago, was fly by night.
9. Real Man Of Genius. One could argue that if Georgia Tech's Coach Paul Johnson didn't cut his hair regularly, his likeness to Einstein would be more than just cerebral. With Mike Leach out of coaching, Paul Johnson is now the undisputed offensive genius of college football. On Tuesday night expect Johnson to perform the football equivalent of splitting the atom, which will result in the Iowa defense doing this around the end of the first quarter.
8. Fashion Statement. Much has been made of the contrasting styles of Iowa and Georgia Tech. On the one hand you have Georgia Tech's offense, which is so masterly that even Alabam's Ken Stabler was an effective runner in it, and Oklahoma's Joe Washington a capable passer (:50 mark). While on other end of the you have Iowa's blue jeans defense which seldom shifts, blitzes, or subs. When attending the big event, given the choice between the edgy yellow jacket or the overalls, choose the yellow jacket.
7. No Joshing Around. Josh Nesbitt don't play that. It would be easy to take an option quarterback lightly. In an age where option attacks are reserved for service academies and a couple of MAC/WAC or CRACK schools, Josh Nesbitt is no clown, he's Georgia Tech's dual threat quarterback. He has rushed for more yards than Robinson or Wegher this season and he has thrown for 77% of Stanzi's total passing yards, but with half as many completions. On Tuesday expect Nesbitt to to whack Iowa upside the head.
6. Dual Threat. When your team's fight song doubles as a serious drinking song you know you're on to something. Sure the Iowa fight song mentions a gun, but it is only in passing and just doesn't take it nearly far enough to compete. This isn't even a contest, the Yellow Jackets have the superior fight song and if the team's play reflects their respective fight song lyrics then this will be over by halftime.
5. Tradition. John Heisman, for whom the Heisman trophy is named, and Bobby Dodd, for whom the Bobby Dodd Coach of the Year Award is named, both were at Georgia Tech. The school has two official nicknames, the "Yellow Jackets" and the "Ramblin' Wreck", and two mascots, a 1930 Ford Model A Sports Coupe called, ironically enough, The "Ramblin' Wreck" and the yellow jacket "Buzz." Georgia Tech's first four bowl game appearances, the Rose Bowl, Orange Bowl, Cotton Bowl, and Sugar Bowl, marked the first time a team had competed in all four of the Major Bowl Games. And this is only a sampling of the deep, rich gold that is Georgia Tech football tradition. Cynics will remind everyone that Georgia Tech lacks its own Heisman Trophy winner, but look for all that history and pomp to be just too much for little ‘ol Iowa to overcome--and expect Adrian Clayborn to be most affected.
4. Oh, Rickety You're So Fine. Ricky Stanzi's play this season has too often resembled Jerry's date in the famed Seinfeld "The Strike" episode, good-looking one minute and so ugly the next. Given that Stanzi is coming off ankle surgery and has been asked to sit out practice at least twice in the past week, Hawkeye fans have every right to wonder which Ricky will show up in Miami. Expect both to be in full flower after such a long lay-off and with him playing at less than 100%. All of which of course begs the question: How bad will the bad Ricky be? Expect the worst and hope for the best.
3. Fruits and Flowers. Iowa's bowl history suggests that any bowl not named after a restaurant, credit card, star or an American mythology is trouble. The worst of it coming in bowl games named after fruits and flowers. After a 2-0 start in the Rose Bowl, Iowa's record since has been one of embarrassment, and their Peach and Orange Bowl records only add to the dysfunction. It's hard to explain why bowls named after agricultural products would perplex a school from a farming state, perhaps it is crop envy. Expect this game to be a little fruity before the rot kicks in.
2. Smarter. It's fair to say that any school that includes a student's favorite chemical element on their nametag at freshman orientation skews toward the brainy. Technopoly, as the student body affectionately calls their university, refuses to confer art degrees, as in Bachelor of Arts degrees. The football team is, as always, smarter than the general student population. To play at Technopoly a player must be able to decipher their offensive and defensive schemes without the aid of playbooks (yeah, Johnson eschews playbooks). No coaching is done hands-on, it is all done on-line...more efficient, says Johnson. Besides coaching themselves, players like to to get amped up before games by listening to Strauss' Vienna Blood while watching Smash Lab reruns. Expect them to use subliminal messaging at the line of scrimmage on both sides of the ball, and to assert total mind control over the referees. There really is no chance for Iowa as Technopoly's Mark Hamill Computer Science Department ran a simulation of the game over 69 sexatillian times, and in all but one simulation...Iowa is fucked.
1. Norm Parker. Need I say more?
* as the cliché goes, I consider this game the beginning of next season.
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we are...
Just kidding. The wait for this game is intolerable. It needs to be played immediately.
Ankles! We don't need no stinking ankles!
by three and out the kok story on Jan 4, 2010 11:09 AM CST reply actions
I have a dream...
that Stanzi plays four quarters of Fourth Quarter football and we win running away. Then the alarm goes off, I wake up and realize that the Hawks , very much, could be—and I know it’s frowned upon at BHGP to say this-fucked.
You say fucked, I say we have good ju-ju on our side
This will continue my streak of bowl attendance that started back on December 31, 1993 at the first Alamo Bowl. There have been two bowl games that my first trip to resulted in a blowout loss for the Hawkeyes at the hands of another program. Cal defeated us 37-3 in 1993, the only points Iowa scored were after Cal fumbled at their own 10, Iowa lost 10 yards, and got a gift Field Goal.
The second trip where I experienced a blow out loss during that bowl game came in 2003 at the Orange Bowl. CJ Jones had the opening kickoff return, and then Iowa fell apart losing 38-17 (the game was not as close as the score would indicate).
Yes, there have been three other losses that I’ve witnessed. In 1997 at the Sun Bowl, there was really no way Iowa was going to win. It was a gift that we were invited to that bowl in the first place after such a dismal season. Fry was on his way out, and we had no business playing in that game. Then there’s 2006, where the Conference USA referees gave Florida that game at the end with such a terrible offsides call. Finally, the 2006 Alamo Bowl against Texas, a team that had won the National Championship the season before, and a team that Iowa lost to by only two points.
I guess what I’m saying here is, my second trip to the Alamo Bowl in 1996 was a lot better. Iowa won that game 27-0, and I sat next to some really hot (students at the time, definitely cougars now) ladies from their school, too bad I was only 11. This year, I’m ironically sitting in the midst of GT fans, thanks to my idiot friend’s advice to purchase tickets in the section on the opposite side of the stadium (which is what happened to my dad in 1996 at the hands of his idiot friend). Of course, maybe that bit of karma won’t help us, but I’m not about to say we’re fucked.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Jan 4, 2010 11:35 AM CST up reply actions
Prepare for a fuck fest
they run the triple option after all! Oh, and don’t call it that when you sit down next to them at the Orange Bowl…they hate that, uh, term.
"I think it's safe to say our concerns are many." -- Kirk Ferentz
how can anyone hate the term fuckfest?
"We just forgot our pants. Nothing against the team or anything like that." -- take a guess
I meant
triple option…although to them it sounds like fuck fest.
"I think it's safe to say our concerns are many." -- Kirk Ferentz
I'm not worried...
…there have to be thousands of arthropods on that scrawny guy and he’s still on his feet. GTech has a scholarship limit, so they can’t bring nearly that many.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jan 4, 2010 4:39 PM CST up reply actions
This is the team that completed 1 pass against Va Tech
And still won. How can we be anything but violated? I’m not even going to watch them destroy us with that powerful option. Why does it have to end so badly?
i don't wife em...i one night em
Last night I dreamed I was back in high school...
…and I couldn’t find my notebook because of all the other students piles of notebooks.
The truly crazy part: Mike Leach was my teacher. He seemed both pissed and amused but didn’t yell at me or anything.
True story.
Despite the inherent sarcasm in these, SMA...
it makes me extremely happy every time I read these knowing that us Iowa fans can be humble, even if we’re partially joking. We’re honest about the fact that we’re not going to win every game, and comfortable with the thought of what a losing outcome would feel like.
… unlike our pals over at OBNUG. Check out their predictions for the game tonight.I counted maybe 3 or 4 entries that predicted TCU winning. It must be really tough living life knowing that a Zoloft overdose is in store every time you lose.
/O'keefe'd
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Jan 4, 2010 4:18 PM CST reply actions
Bee stings f*ck you up!

Adrian Clayborn before and after!
So Clayborn
is going to look like Julia Roberts after the game? I don’t get it.
by HeartOfHawkness on Jan 4, 2010 5:22 PM CST up reply actions
we are fucked like......
Paris Hilton in her video
Roy with that tiger
Brewster at Minn.
the economy
a hooker during fleet week
you get the idea we are fucked
Post game review
10. Classic Rock – Parker’s team rocks Johnson – again.
9. Real Man of Genius. Kirk Ferentz.
8. Fashion Statement. Iowa’s blue jeans defense has a “git ’er done” mentality. And it did.
7. No Joshing Around. Iowa punks Nesbitt, no joshing. 2 of 9 for 12.
6. Dual threat. Well you were half right, it was over at half time.
5. Tradition. Adrian Clayborn, Orange Bowl MVP. 2 sacks, 9 tackles.
4. Oh, Ricky You’re So Fine. 17 of 29 for 231, 2 TDs
3. Fruits and Flowers. Oranges are sweet this year.
2. Smarter. Simulations don’t win games; better check your algorithms.
1. Norm Parker! Need I say more.
- as the cliché goes, if you consider this game the beginning of next season you have my condolences.

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