Great Moments in 2000's Iowa Football, No. 6 -- Beutjer Becomes Someone Else's Future
by Patrick Vint on Jan 22, 2010 7:00 AM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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PrintWith the 2009 season complete, BHGP looks back at the ten most sublimely absurd moments of the past decade for this sublimely absurd team, counting them down over the next two weeks.
Jon Beutjer: 2000 Iowa quarterback du jour. Second coming of Chuck Long. The Feutjer.
Then 2001 happened, Beutjer fell out of favor, Kyle McCann took over the #1 spot, Beutjer transferred to Illinois, the end, let's all have cupcakes and cocktails, the end.
But wait wait wait. How did Beutjer fall out of favor? Oh, what unfolded and ensued was--if not the most improbable--certainly the most Iowa City-ish of college football problems. Jon Beutjer was a roommate of offensive lineman Sam Aiello, and they--like all Iowa Citians--were dutiful Mediacom customers. Until, for whatever reason, Beutjer was no longer able to pay the cable bill. And boom goes the dynamite:
According to Beutjer, Aiello came home to the apartment they shared at around 6:30 on the night of the incident. Aiello asked for $22 that Beutjer owed him for the cable bill.
"He started pushing me in the back," Beutjer said. "That's all I remember. The next thing I know is I'm on the phone with my mom and dad.
"Fred Russell, my roommate and teammate, got on the phone and said, 'Sam just beat up Jon.'"
If you'll notice, the one common theme of these players--aside from the fact that they were all roommates--was that they were all offensive players. And that means that, just like now, they shared the same coordinator. Oh, did you think you were getting out of this story without KOK putting his mushroom stamp on it? Because you have so much to learn, youngin', about the Tao Te O'Keefe:
Afterwards, Iowa quarterback coach Ken O'Keefe drove Beutjer to a teammate's apartment.
"I told Coach O'Keefe that I could no longer live with Sam," Beutjer said. "He looked puzzled and said, 'Brothers fight. Imagine you and your brother fighting. If you guys got in a fight, would you move out the next day?'"
"I said, 'No, but if my brother assaulted me, he wouldn't be able to walk for four weeks, because my dad would have taken care of that."
For what it's worth, Daddy Beutjer never crippled anybody regardless of what Jon threatened. THAT WE KNOW OF.
If Beutjer didn't know where the campus stood on the subject, the legion of team girlfriends who painted themselves in support of Aiello during an early season game sealed Beutjer's fate. There seems to be no evidence of this on any of the Internets, and that's a shame; we personally remember choking on a drink over it when TV cameras captured it. So it went in the dark ages of 2001.
Beutjer would run off to Illinois, where he heroically led the Illini to nine wins. And by that, we mean that in his three years of eligibility in Champaign, Illinois went 9-27. In his only start against Iowa, Beutjer went 12-25 for 129 yards, one interception, and one touchdown (with 49 seconds left) as Iowa won, 23-13. It was a truly unwatchable game in 40-mph winds, and Beutjer was outplayed by backup Brad Bower. We don't know who that is either.
The last we heard from Beutjer, he was failing to get playing time in the Arena League. No word on whether he paid Aiello back--or how many people Papa Beutjer paralyzed. Probably thousands.
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I, for one, would like to thank Mr. Aiello.
If not for his meathead bullying selfless heroism, the Feutjer might have still been hanging around in 2002, dirtying the QB waters and denying us full exposure to the wonderful talents of Brad Banks.
So thank you, Sam, for using your fists to settle a dispute over $22 of unpaid cable bills. Some people might call that an assholish overreaction to the situation. Those people are probably also just fine and dandy with accepting mediocrity, too. But not you, Sam.
This post also fails to note the fact that Beutjer always seemed almost conveniently injured when Illinois had to play Iowa (except for that one year, of course). I always thought he just didn’t want to have Roth tear him in half.
Big junkies come from little junkies.
I've said many times
That the Feutjer getting punched in the face was one of the most important moments in the history of Iowa football for this very reason. Aiello should get a building named after him or something.
Of course, the Feutjer later got his revenge by getting all of Iowa’s hopes up and nearly beating OSU in 2002, before eventually failing horrifically.
Wrong...
…the refs failed horrifically. Beutjer actually won the game 2 if not 3 times. The first and second passes were obvious touchdowns. A monkey with a broken whistle could have made either of those calls (foot in bounds, no bobbling). The third attempt (on fourth down I believe) was a possible touchdown if they had reviewed it, but they immediately called it no good. We should have been playing in the Rose Bowl that year, but the refs handed the game to an inferior (to Iowa) aOSU team.
I’ve always wondered if it was to get two Big Ten teams in the BCS. I want answers we’ll never get. Beutjer was so close to being the best thing to happen to the 2002 team, but instead people are just happy he got the shit beat out of him so we could have Brad Banks.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jan 22, 2010 12:05 PM CST up reply actions
See?
Now you know why I said 2005 Penn State was better than 2002 Ohio State.
by ReadingRambler on Jan 22, 2010 12:59 PM CST up reply actions
Aside from me being a homer and bored because the off season sucks.
by ReadingRambler on Jan 22, 2010 1:00 PM CST up reply actions
Obviously, you've never kissed a girl
You should make that your offseason project or New Year’s resolution or something.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Jan 22, 2010 1:09 PM CST up reply actions
Quit double posting just to get more comments than me!
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Jan 22, 2010 3:37 PM CST up reply actions
It's not very nice!
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Jan 22, 2010 3:37 PM CST up reply actions
It's his goal this year.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Jan 22, 2010 3:54 PM CST up reply actions
Man that's really gonna liss off that Kluginator guy.
MORE ZAZZ! I DEMAND MORE ZAZZ!
by Bucketochicken on Jan 22, 2010 4:02 PM CST up reply actions
He HATES Penn State.
MORE ZAZZ! I DEMAND MORE ZAZZ!
by Bucketochicken on Jan 22, 2010 4:02 PM CST up reply actions
Which is just silly.
MORE ZAZZ! I DEMAND MORE ZAZZ!
by Bucketochicken on Jan 22, 2010 4:02 PM CST up reply actions
Regardless, he doesn't need to be such a dick about it.
I mean, it’s Penn State. They’re nice.
MORE ZAZZ! I DEMAND MORE ZAZZ!
by Bucketochicken on Jan 22, 2010 4:03 PM CST up reply actions
Just because you have warm fuzzy feeling for a place does that mean everyone has to have those same feelings?
Rick Stanzi and I think that differences of opinion are what make us great Americans. I guess you think patriots are dicks also?
"I was late for some things as a kid, but I was never late for Iowa public television broadcasts of Iowa wrestling." Tom Brands
Of course not.
But the level of vitriol seems odd and misdirected (especially considering who our PSU guests are here) to me, and probably to a lot of others as well. But yeah, whatever, it’s your thing; do whatcha’ wanna do.
And yeah, a lot of patriots (the present-day connotation of the word, anyway) are dicks.
MORE ZAZZ! I DEMAND MORE ZAZZ!
by Bucketochicken on Jan 22, 2010 4:29 PM CST up reply actions
I will cut the angry outlashing in deference to the rest of BHGP.
after all, even haters, dicks and jack-offs can be reasonable at times but you can’t stop me from sticking needles in my Joe Paterno voodoo doll. (Do you think the lack of sideline heaters was an oversight in 2008? The JoPa doll was in my freezer the entire game!)
"I was late for some things as a kid, but I was never late for Iowa public television broadcasts of Iowa wrestling." Tom Brands
Tom Brady
is kinda dickish. He also mans up pretty well when they lose. This might make him our kind of winner except he went to Michigan, so he just sucks.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
Kall me Karl
"I was late for some things as a kid, but I was never late for Iowa public television broadcasts of Iowa wrestling." Tom Brands
Thanks!
MORE ZAZZ! I DEMAND MORE ZAZZ!
by Bucketochicken on Jan 22, 2010 4:27 PM CST up reply actions
To be the top commentor of BHGP.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Jan 22, 2010 3:54 PM CST up reply actions
I'll bet some Hawk fans named their kids after him. Aiello, that is.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Jan 22, 2010 12:50 PM CST up reply actions
I was at Iowa when this went down
and seem to remember quite a few rumors to the effect that Beutjer was also bangin Aiello’s girlfriend on the side.
Regardless of why it happened, Aiello may have been one of the single biggest reasons for the ’02 season being as awesome as it was.
All the more reason to get the $22 cable payment
before mediacom cut their subscription. Without the full HD porn package and Beutjer (aka General Cucumber) bonin his lady, I have to imagine that Sammy was feelin a little tense.
"I was late for some things as a kid, but I was never late for Iowa public television broadcasts of Iowa wrestling." Tom Brands
KOK
I’m guessing he wouldn’t fly as a coach at Texas Tech after reading this. Something says that Craig James wouldn’t approve of the position coach telling you to to back and live with someone who’s “assaulted” you.
God, I miss Fred Russel though. He was one of the most fun running backs to watch while I was in high school.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Jan 22, 2010 9:00 AM CST reply actions
Freddy Russell owned
I remain convinced that we’d have beaten ISU by 50 if he hadn’t hurt his ankle and missed the 2nd half. He already had like 150 yards and was averaging nearly 10 per carry.
I loved watching Freddy.
But, damn, he could be maddening, too. I don’t know how many times I screamed at him “just go forward!” while he was dancing around behind the line. But it usually worked out.
Big junkies come from little junkies.
It's amazing to me...
That as bad as Penn State was from ’03-04, Illinois was somehow much worse. We would have beaten them by 20. Huzzah for Ron Turner.
Also, Feutjer was really good against Ohio State in 2002 (I don’t know how, either), and the officials kinda sorta screwed them in overtime.
by ReadingRambler on Jan 22, 2010 10:01 AM CST reply actions
Another thing left out of the note
Beutjer got a hardship waiver from the NCAA. That still boggles me. I understand Luke Recker stories… but Jon Beutjer? Really??
Brunettes not fighter jets
Ron Turner's usual pre-game speech during the Beutjer era...
We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Jan 22, 2010 12:49 PM CST reply actions
The Origin Of the Cable Bill Cover Story
Ken: Looks like we have a problem, Sam beat up Jon last night
Kirk: What? Why?
Ken: Apparently, Jon was having relations with Sam’s girlfriend.
Norm: Relations? Ken, this is football, talk like a man.
Kirk: He makes a good point, Ken. Just tell Jon he got what he deserved and to find his own girlfriend. How hard can that be, he’s the quarterback for pete’s sake.
Ken: Well, Jon was pretty upset about it. He wanted to move so I gave him some advice.
Norm: Kick Sam in the nuts. That’s my advice. He ain’t using them anyway.
Ken: I’m not going to encourage the fellows to rough house norm!
Kirk: Fellows? Ken, this football, talk like a man.
Norm: He makes a good point Ken. Do you understand the concept of what these guys are here to do?
Ken: I just don’t think it’s appropriate. I told him to apologize and put it all behind them.
Norm: The defense is going to have to carry this team, isn’t it.
Ken: Mr Ferentz!!!
Kirk: Shut up, Ken. Tell Jon to see if anybody on the team wants to trade apartments and let’s think up a cover story in case this makes the papers.
Norm: Cover story? How about the truth. Two college football players got in a fight over a girl. Big deal.
Ken: No, no, that will never do. We can’t air our soiled linens in public.
Kirk: Exactly. And we better start practicing hiding the truth, so that nothing will come back to haunt us.
Norm: Fine, your offense. I gotta head out. I need to drop off the check for the cable bill and pick up a couple pounds of hamburger.
In 100 years, we'll all be dead.
Next time Iowa is running the ball effectively and KOK says he wants to pas, Ferentz should slap him and tell him to talk like a man.
by ReadingRambler on Jan 22, 2010 2:23 PM CST up reply actions
I wonder what fat content hamburger Mrs. Parker gets.
My blog: http://www.gretainthebox.com
by Leftcoast Hawk on Jan 22, 2010 4:03 PM CST up reply actions
25%
Gotta have the high fat. That’s better throwin’ burger.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
What is it with KOK and Illinois QB's that peaked in high school?
Is Wienke going to be the next in line?
"I was late for some things as a kid, but I was never late for Iowa public television broadcasts of Iowa wrestling." Tom Brands
Isnt Wienke the same year as Vandenburg?
If so i wouldnt b suprised if he transfers
"I believe I have the total package of speed, strength, and explosion," Adrian F@#kin Clayborn
by DportROTCHawki on Jan 22, 2010 2:34 PM CST up reply actions
Count me among the fooled
Beutjer played in the same conference as my high school team. I remember how excited I was to hear he was going to Iowa after picking apart defenses in what was then the best conference in Illinois. Now it turns out that D.J. Johnson was the only good player from the DuPage Valley Conference on those Iowa teams…just kidding, D.J. sucked pretty hard, too.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Jan 22, 2010 4:51 PM CST up reply actions
D.J. wasn't that bad
I mean, he wasn’t Adam Shada, but yeah, he wasn’t good. Single-handedly let PSU back into that game in 2002 when their O coordinator realized that D.J. was 5’2" and couldn’t cover a corpse.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
D.J. "The Human Pass Interference Call" Johnson?
Yeah, I don’t miss him at all.
"I want to be a cowboy. I don't want to be a panda. Pandas are boring, stupid and boring. Bad panda!"
I also hate him
for being the only person to beat me during the 110m hurdles in 7th grade. Yes, the pinnacle of my athletic career was coming in 2nd to a forgotten Iowa CB during junior high.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Jan 26, 2010 2:54 AM CST up reply actions
Jon Beutjer...
Living proof that violence can be used for good! Take that, Ghandi!
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Jan 22, 2010 2:34 PM CST reply actions
What year did he play Iowa?
& how many sacks did Roth have?
"I believe I have the total package of speed, strength, and explosion," Adrian F@#kin Clayborn
2004
and I’m not sure of the official number of sacks for Roth, but I would put the over/under at 4.5
by HeroPatriotStanzi on Jan 22, 2010 3:29 PM CST reply actions
4.5!?!
How did he find pants that fit?
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Jan 22, 2010 4:52 PM CST up reply actions
Remember in 2000
When Beutjer threw for around 300 yards at Indiana but was outdualed by Randle-El 45-33. That was an entertaining game, and I can remember watching that game and thinking that we were starting to turn the corner and that we weren’t that far away. I also thought that Beutjer was indeed the future….
"I'm not doing any good back here."
I will never forget that game
because a really cute IU co-ed invited me down to Bloomington for the game. Iowa mounted a furious comeback (before the epic FAIL) and on the penultimate score I punched my fist into the air with a mighty uppercut and a great “YEEAAAHHH!” Unfortunately for any designs I’d had for post-game sex/general dignity, said co-ed’s head was in the way of my fist which resulted in:
1. her lying unconscious on the Memorial Stadium bleachers
2, blood coming pouring out of her mouth
3. horrified people, mostly Iowans, staring at me mouthing “ohmygod he just punched that girl”.
Needless to say, I didn’t see much of the winning Hoosier drive as I helped my beaten date out of the stadium as soon as she came to. Not only did punch a girl, I got a glimpse into what foreplay for those in the Ohio State Greek system must feel like. Thanks, Randle-El!
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Jan 23, 2010 12:45 PM CST up reply actions 2 recs
And stories like that are why I love this site.
Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Big junkies come from little junkies.
EXCLUSIVE PICTURE OF INCIDENT
TIGER UPPERCUT!
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
by Adam Jacobi on Jan 23, 2010 10:57 PM CST up reply actions 1 recs
The background
is a fairly accurate representation of Bloomington (provided that Thai Bhudda is made of limestone).
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on Jan 24, 2010 1:24 PM CST up reply actions
you, sir, win the internet!
and I’ll even award you 100 lifepoints to boot!
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Jan 25, 2010 9:22 AM CST up reply actions
Ah...
…the things our Hawkeyes make us do.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Jan 25, 2010 2:34 PM CST up reply actions
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