Terrelle Pryor Gets Called for Jury Duty
by Patrick Vint on Sep 9, 2009 2:08 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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I want to thank you again for your service. I know that jury duty is occasionally inconvenient, but your participation is crucial to our judicial system. You have heard the prosecution. You have heard the defense. First degree murder is the charge. Justice is now in your hands. Bailiff!
Yes sir! Please escort the jury to the anteroom for deliberations.
-- The jury is escorted to an adjacent room, where they select a foreman. The foreman then proposes a vote. --
We have tallied the votes 10 votes for guilty, 2 votes for not guilty.
Two votes for not guilty?!? Who voted not guilty?!? Are you people insane?!?
Let's not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
Conclusions? It's obvious! He's guilty as sin! Well, the standard of proof is beyond a reasonable doubt. Are you certain that standard has been met?
YOU TELL THEM JANE FONDA
Um, it's Henry Fonda. HANOI JANE AND TP IN THE HIZZY! Uh...right. OK, where were we? Reasonable doubt. Right, reasonable doubt. Well, for instance, what about the blood at the crime scene? It didn't match the victim or the defendant.
Hmm, that's a valid point. And then there was the murder weapon, a knife registered to the victim's former lover...
Yes, that struck me as strange. And the eyewitness, who could not identify the defendant...
Yes, that is certainly a lingering doubt. I'm just saying, when you add up the LET ME TAKE IT FROM HERE EASY RIDER That was Peter Fonda. WHAT CRAZY LARRY IS TRYING TO SAY IS, NOT EVERYONE IS A PERFECT PERSON IN THE WORLD. EVERYONE KILLS PEOPLE, MURDER PEOPLE, STEALS FROM YOU, STEALS FROM ME, WHATEVER. ... ... ... ...
Tell us more, young man.
SHIT YEAH MIKA VICK
--After 15 minutes of intense deliberation, the jury reconvenes in the courtroom.--
Have you reached a verdict, gentlemen?
Yes sir, your honor.
ARF ARF
On the count of first degree murder by carving the word "TREMENDOUS" into the victim's heart, we the jury, find the defendant...
...
...
...
...
...
GOPHER
Not guilty!
BEST FIGHT WIN CHAMPION TRY GOPHER NATION FAT PAT WIN TREMENDOUS LOCKER ROOM
WHAT?! You've got to be kidding me! We found him with the bloody knife! He clearly killed Banker Ted Dibiase!
LIKE I SAID IN THAT CAR THAT DONT MOVE
That's called a room.
NOT EVERYONE IS A PERFECT PERSON IN THE WORLD. EVERYONE KILLS PEOPLE, MURDER PEOPLE, STEALS FROM YOU, STEALS FROM ME, WHATEVER.
That's literally the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Is it?
This man just committed a grisly murder, and now Mr. DiBiase can no longer LHAO about having money!
Sorry, Sexy Cop, but that doesn't mean "guilty" to us.
NOT GUILTY YALL GOT TO FEEL ME
HOORAY! Our plan worked! TCF Bank Stadium is saved!
BEST GOPHER I GOT AWAY WITH MURDER ITS A TREMENDOUS LIFE CHAMPION TRY
--fin--
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I really have to stop reading these...
While at work. Laughing out loud, with the boss man and coworkers staring…..
according to TP?
According to the rest of us?
Eat what the monkey eats, then eat the monkey. -U.S. Navy survival guidance
by psudrozz on Sep 9, 2009 3:06 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
tragically
this hyperbole isn’t too far from the truth.
which is why prosecution really doesn’t want to get to a jury in most cases. dipsh!ts like TP are everywhere, and they are breeding.
still, this post is tha balls. well done.
Eat what the monkey eats, then eat the monkey. -U.S. Navy survival guidance
hahahahahaha
Terrelle Pryor rules, Tim Brewster rules, this fucking rules.
Must be a slow day at work, right HS?
They took the bar, the whole damn bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Sep 9, 2009 2:57 PM CDT reply actions
Actually, this was mostly OPS
I tried writing it last night and failed miserably with the ending. OPS picked up the torch and took it home.
storminspank: "Or we could join you can take our pants off."
The lady doth protest too much
HS came up with the idea and wrote about 80% of it, then advised me through the rest. His name belongs at the top, not mine.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
My hats off to both of you
They took the bar, the whole damn bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Sep 9, 2009 4:23 PM CDT up reply actions
If you think we're done with Sexy Cop, you're crazy.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Bigger pictures of her would be appreciated.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Sep 9, 2009 9:06 PM CDT up reply actions
LIKE I SAID IN THAT CAR THAT DON'T MOVE
that just about killed me
no doubt... that made me laugh more than it should have
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member
by TheMightyErik on Sep 9, 2009 11:51 PM CDT up reply actions
Also,
I think Terrelle whatever throws a really bad ball. Please, we have Edds, crush him, move on.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
Pryor doesn't throw
He Arm Punts.
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Sep 9, 2009 9:40 PM CDT up reply actions
Pryor throws like Anthony Michael Hall
did in Johnny Be Good (1988).
Zed: You could be my right-hand man.
Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.
More like Richard Pryor
after the wheelchair.
Call me when he lights himself on fire.
by Angle's Dangle on Sep 9, 2009 11:30 PM CDT up reply actions
Winner Winner Chicken Dinner
But we can add some other story about the cream cheese
Success without honor is an unseasoned dish; it will satisfy your hunger, but it won't taste good.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
"Red, it took me sixteen years to get here. You play me, and I'll give ya the best I got."
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