FanPost

Top Ten Reasons Iowa Will Lose to Arizona

10. Hubris. After last week's performance we probably think we are the '85 Bears, with this guy at RB. I think it was Euripides who said, "those whom the gods would destroy they first make all powerful." Expect a big fall.

9. Dorothy, We're Not in Iowa Anymore. Winning the mythical State of Iowa Championship is impressive, but only if you're talking wrestling. Since we're talking football, it's about as impressive as winning best tattoo at a Raffi concert. Expect a wake-up call as we leave state-only competition.

8. Next Man In. It used to be a mantra to keep Iowa's back-ups motivated. Now it's a coaching command after every third or fourth play. If Iowa can't stay healthy playing the Iowa Sisters of the Poor, imagine what a team filled with genuine athletes will do to us. Expect weekly try-outs the rest of the season to keep the roster filled.

7. Wake Me When It's October. Since Ferentz took over at Iowa in 1999, the Hawkeyes have posted a 24-18 record in September (for a .571 winning percentage). As the saying goes, nothing in life is certain except death, taxes, a rickety wheel on a grocery cart and an Iowa loss in September. May as well get it out of the way.

6. Moeaki is Tongan for Ouch. So we learn Moeaki might be suffering from yet another injury that could threaten his playing time. Not having Moeaki for Saturday would be like stocking a home bar without a jigger. Sure, you could eye-ball it and get by. But serious mixologists know the jigger is a required tool that helps ensure precision and consistency.

5. Nic Grigsby. Whose name is an anagram for Run Your Ass Over.

4. Mike Stoops. Tough...Hard Working...No Nonsense...Winner!  And these are just a few of the words used to describe Bob Stoops. One would have thought whatever coaching DNA Mike shares with his more successful brother would have revealed itself by now. Knowing our luck it will finally emerge this Saturday. 

3. Desert Swarm. Okay, so it's been 10 years since Dick Tomey was drawing up X's and O's at the U of A. But, the identity of the Wildcats remains true to his notion of defense as an explosive, swarm tackling force of nature. All of their defensive linemen are 290+ lbs., all but one played wide receiver in high school, their nose guard is the back-up punt returner, and the left defensive end is the anchor on the school's 4 x 100 relay team. Run for your fucking life Dickie!

2. Pac-10 Dominance. College football aficionados didn't require even more proof in the form of Ohio State's debacle against USC to know that the Big Ten is the new MAC. The contrast of the fiber optic Trojans against the dial-up Buckeyes is just the most up-to-the-minute incontrovertible evidence of Big Ten decline. And to think, OSU is the gold standard of speed and athleticism in the Big Ten. How bad is it? In order to mask the conference's speed deficiency the Big Ten Network has resorted to highlight packages edited against the Chariots of Fire soundtrack. 

1. Stanziballs. Need I say more?

Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.

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