We thought the Superman cape meant you were impervious to this stuff, Jewel. We still think the Kryptonite kneepads were a horrible mistake.

Um... uh... uh-oh. There's an ominous tone around Iowa City these days, and it's all revolving around one Jewel Hampton. There was a Bleacher Report article so specious it's not even worth linking, but the underlying worries are still there. As near as we can tell, the out-loud whispers started with this ominous Tweet from HawkeyeNation's Jon Miller:

I think we are getting close to decision on Jewell. Based on very recent chatter I am hearing I would say 80prcnt chance won't play in 09.JM

No names attached to it other than Miller's own, and enough hedging on the 80% that he's in the clear no matter which way this ends up--hell, it's possible that Hampton and the coaches don't even know the endgame yet--but it's scary all the same.

Then there was this line from Ferentz on Chris Spielman's radio show on 97.1 in Columbus:

"We had high hopes for Jewel this year. He suffered a knee injury in the end of June, right before the Fourth of July break. Came back from that. Had a good month of July. Had a really good first part of camp and then re-injured a little bit about a week ago. We’ve held him out. We’re hoping to get him back out on the field this coming week and, I guess, like all of us, it’s touch and go. We’re hoping we can get him back out there, but at this point, we certainly have to prepare like there’s a possibility like he might not be there, too."

We can selectively emphasize different portions of that statement to give the impression that Ferentz thinks he's done, or we can make it seem like he's hedging as well and has no idea. Point is that there's ZERO indication that he'll be ready to rock when the season starts, and that is bad news bears.

AND OH WAIT, here's more from Ferentz via Rivals ($$$):

"We were hoping to get him back on the field this week. It didn't work out. We're shooting for next Sunday. Hopefully with a little bit of luck Jewel can get back out there and help us this year."

"If it doesn't work out, we'll go on without him.  The good news is he has a redshirt year available if that takes place, but we're still hopeful we can get him on the field."

In other words: "His leg fell off during the Badwater Ultramarathon and vultures ate the leg and then a nuclear warhead that he ate for breakfast two days ago detonated in his lower intestine." Good night, sweet prince. So unless Brinson establishes himself as a #1--and again, there's ZERO indication of that, he's at best sharing carries with Paki Bomb, and you know how hard we're trying to talk ourselves into being okay with that.

But if memory serves us right, 12 years ago, Hayden Fry took a similar amount of time deciding between Rob Thein and Tavian Banks at tailback, and that ended up pretty well. So perhaps this lack of definitive comment is the staff's way of seeing how healthy Brinson and Hampton can get before they decide their fates for the 2009 season. We just worry that this somehow ends in one of the two running backs transferring since they can't get past the A-Paki-lypse in the depth chart. And if you don't think that could happen, um, two words for you good sir:

Did chills run down your spine? They should have.

Something seems very untoward about all this: Darren Rovell of CNBC posted a list of the athlete jerseys you can buy for each of the top 25 teams. There are no names on the jerseys, of course, but you know damn well what you're doing when you buy a Florida #15 jersey (Oh, you know what else you're doing? Putting a shitload of money into the pockets of many people who are not named Tim Tebow).

It's all part of the delicate ballet between schools and the NCAA selling their players without actually selling their players, and that in turn leads to some ambiguity when it comes to seeing who the jerseys are purported to belong to. Or, as Rovell puts it:

This list probably isn’t perfect because it was hard to eliminate past players who wore jerseys that are still being sold because they didn’t have the names on the back. Only one Web site, named the players with the jerseys (Iowa).

See, so it's--wait wait wait, run that by us again, please.

This list probably isn’t perfect because it was hard to eliminate past players who wore jerseys that are still being sold because they didn’t have the names on the back. Only one Web site, named the players with the jerseys (Iowa).

Sure enough, if you go to the Hawk Shop, here's how they phrase it:

Available in Black #12 (Stanzi), White #12 (Stanzi), and Black #27 (Hampton).

The "blood diamonds" of the NCAA. No, that comparison isn't at all unfairly hyperbolic and misleading. Why do you ask?

Now, look. We realize the untenable situation that colleges and athletes find themselves in. As good as it would be to sell these jerseys and pass a healthy amount of proceeds onto the athletes themselves, we get that the NCAA wants to protect its utterly insane and exploitative cartel over the athletes that make it up "amateurism," so that's out of the question. And a school definitely doesn't want unauthorized third parties to make any money off its athletes.

But what's odd is they're basically taking the stance of "nobody makes any money off the names of our athletes," not their likenesses. And while other schools walk the same line when it comes to selling jerseys, Iowa thinks it's perfectly okay to name the players? Now, I failed the bar after I answered every question "SUE THE BASTARDS" in neon orange crayon and used the bottom half of page 4 to roll a marijuana cigarette, but there must be some legally-educated types who read BHGP who can offer some cursory opinions as to why Iowa would be literally the only school in the top 25 who explicitly names players (and what legal lines a team like Iowa might theoretically be walking). We pay billable hours in empty beer cans, FYI.

Iowa Golf: Cooler names than the PGA tour: The Daily Iowan has a preview of Iowa's golf program, which placed 17th in the nation last year. Russell, did you realize that? No, I did not realize that. But more than that, we really like the names of the people on the club. They might be made up. To wit:

The Hawkeyes finished 17th at the NCAA championships in Toledo, Ohio, playing in their first postseason action since 1995. Even after the success, Hankins stressed that this year’s squad is a new team — especially after losing its team captains, including standout Cole Peevler.

"We lost Cole, and that’s a huge blow," junior Vince India said. "But we all seem to be playing really well right now, and I don’t see any reason why we can’t make it back to where we were last year."

AWW! I want my name to be Vince India! Or Steve Texas. Or The Evil Dr. Murdergroin. I guess the last one has nothing to do with geography.

Thirty-three! Thirty-three Hawkeyes! Ah, ah, ah! Scott Dochtermann provides the most extensive update yet on the former Hawkeyes trying to hang on in the No Fun League. There are a few starters and a shitload of backups and practice roster fodder. This is hardly an indictment of the Iowa program and more like an indication of the quick nature of most NFL careers. In fact, it's a testament to the staying power of guys like Casey Wiegmann, Mike Goff, Ladell Betts--hell, even Bob Gallery. After all, the NFL often stands for something else: Not For Long.

We digress. Definitely give the list a look, if for no other reason than the insane amount of links Dochtermann added. It's like a week's worth of INPs, and face it, you're so football-starved that you'd love to know that Brandon Myers is impressing people in Oakland with his pass-catching. See.

QUICK HITZ (get it because there are tackles in football and they do not take very long):

• 11W are quietly running through their inventory of victory dances in their head after USC announces that they're putting a true freshman at QB. Good god, do not let Ohio State win that game. If you thought their fans were insufferable louts before...
• Maize N Brew (which we think is the "street" way to spell "Mays in Blue," or in Algonquin, "Michigan") thinks the Wolverines' Jumbotron is pathetic (we agree; hell, Iowa State agrees). Time to do something about it.
• The Summer of George continues apace... if by "George" we mean "way more recruits committing to Iowa than usual." Welcome aboard, Don Shumpert and Christian Kirksey. Your list of Iowa commits grows to 13; with the small class, Ferentz might be done recruiting by Christmas, and that's even if he takes most of the season off from gathering commitments. Caring about recruiting, by the way, is still creepy.
• Last, but not least, please do not set your husband's penis on fire. It could kill him, and that's not really what you wanted, is it?