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Around SBN: Dan Marino Starting College For Developmentally Disabled

It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It Got Punked by Rick Kaczenski

Shocking_medium
Andre Ware, down with the CBE Classic

Save the Date.  Iowa released the men's basketball and wrestling schedules yesterday.  On the basketball side, Iowa is part of the field for the CBE Classic, a "tournament" in only the most liberal sense of the word.  12 teams are technically included; Iowa hosts a "regional" with Illinois-Chicago and Duquense (dates TBD, November 15-19), but automatically qualifies for the semifinals regardless of its performance.  On November 23, Iowa gets Texas in Kansas City, and the "championship" and "consolation" games against the winner/loser of Pitt-Wichita State will be played the next day.  I'm not saying it's a foregone conclusion, but you have 3 months to work on Shocker jokes.

Elsewhere in basketball scheduling, the in-state gauntlet starts at Northern Iowa December 8, with a trip to Hilton on December 11.  After a break for finals, Drake comes to CHA on December 19.  Big Ten play opens with Purdue December 29.  On the revenue front, Iowa scores three Saturday home games in January (Bloodpunch's threats worked, apparently), but doesn't play another weekend home game until February 28 against Indiana (so maybe not).

On the wrestling front, the most intriguing matchup is clearly Cael Sanderson's return to Iowa on January 29.  ISU hosts the Two-Time Defending National Champions on December 6.  Iowa gets virtually all the true Big Ten contenders to the throne at home; the only road threat looks to be @ Minnesota on February 14.  All in all, a favorable draw for the champs.

CONSUME, MINIONS!  CONSUME!  We've received a couple of emails asking what happened to the "Stanzi is the Manzi" shirts from last year.  It's a long story, but suffice it to say a letter from the Athletic Department stating that we were violating NCAA rules and demanding we cease and desist production of those shirts for fear of jeopardizing Slick Rick's eligibility got us to stop.  Turns out you can't use a player's name on merchandise!  Silly us!

Fortunately, nicknames are apparently permissible.

Manzi_medium

Now available at Black Heart Gold Shirts for just $20.  Also available are the NCAA '10 version of the Manzi shirt (completely legal; just ask EA Sports) and our ISU shirt, guaranteed to get you slapped by a Cyclone offensive lineman and her sorority sisters.

Star-divide

The MANCOTT Is Working.  The word is out: Things named Davey and/or O'Brien are suffering so much from the MANCOTT that other watch lists are falling over themselves to include Hawkeyes.  The Manning Award, given to the nation's best quarterback, included Dick Stanzi on its watch list, thereby ensuring a Giants-Colts Super Bowl.  Bryan Bulaga is a Lombardi Award watch list member, and Pat Angerer is up for the Chuck Bednarik Award for best college defensive player.  In other words, if and when Vince Vaughn guest stars on NBC's "Chuck" it will be THE BEST TELEVISION PROGRAM EVER.

Footnotes:

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Hell yeah!

Rick Kaczenski is my favorite actor on “The Office”!

by storminspank on Aug 19, 2009 12:10 PM CDT reply actions  

Wait just a damn minute...

You can’t use names on merchandise? How am I going to move all the “Shane DiBona” shirts I have prepared for 2011?

by mattbednar on Aug 19, 2009 1:44 PM CDT reply actions  

QUOTE OF THE DECADE

“I have no clue what it is, I haven’t measured it since eighth grade and I forgot," Binns said with a laugh. "It’s definitely long and it’s a good asset to have."

by Gustav on Aug 19, 2009 2:26 PM CDT reply actions  

Indeed

It really helps Binns deeply penetrate any holes that open up.

Wait, we were talking about his arm span, right?

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Aug 19, 2009 7:28 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions  

I was going...

to make a joke using the phrase “exploding out of the 5 point stance.”

But, I think I will instead be classy and say that Binns has really “come on strong and worked his way up… the depth chart.”

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Aug 19, 2009 9:42 PM CDT up reply actions  

Would it be ghey

to call the Ballard/Binns/Clayborn combo “the BBC?”

by TarHeelHawk on Aug 19, 2009 3:34 PM CDT reply actions  

No, but...

it would definitely be ghey if you called them The CBC (think north of the border). Of course, if you wanted to break the ghey meter, just call them:
- The Three Amigos
- (In) The Sack…Exchange
or….
- Stonewall?

"When you don't know that you don't know, it's a lot different than when you do know that you don't know." Bill Parcells

by StoopsMyAss on Aug 19, 2009 4:41 PM CDT up reply actions  

Man, I think these destroy your meter:

The Mushroom Stampers
Sausage Sackers
Run and Butt Stoppers
Strip the Ball and Go Naked
Penis Helicopter Pilots

by Twin Cities Hawk on Aug 19, 2009 8:09 PM CDT up reply actions  

Jewel Hampton nicknames...

Jewel of the Nile (Kinnick Stadium)

Hampton Comes Alive (more of a headline)

"I'm not doing any good back here."

by Hawkaloogie on Aug 19, 2009 5:50 PM CDT reply actions  

Please, somebody with photoshop...

do what must be done:

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Aug 19, 2009 9:27 PM CDT up reply actions  

Schedules, hooray
On November 23, Iowa gets Texas in Kansas City, and the “championship” and “consolation” games against the winner/loser of Pitt-Wichita State will be played the next day. I’m not saying it’s a foregone conclusion, but you have 3 months to work on Shocker jokes.

Man, that Pitt/Texas game should be a doozy of a consolation game.

And North Carolina Central, Prairie View A&M, South Carolina State, and Tennessee State? Man, they really know how to get people to want to come to those non-conf games.

Wrestling schedule looks nice, although I find it odd that they don’t try to arrange more weekends where there are both home wrestling meets and home basketball games (not at the same time, obviously, but one on Saturday and one on Sunday, for instance). Are the logistics that difficult? Personally, I think it would make for more of an event and could be a bigger draw.

by RossWB on Aug 19, 2009 6:06 PM CDT reply actions  

With the...

size of crowds men’s basketball has been getting, you could probably throw in a crappier wrestling meet at the same time.

LOL

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Aug 19, 2009 9:28 PM CDT up reply actions  

Basketball sched...

What the Hell? Only one Sunday morning big ten game for Iowa this year (on Super Bowl Sunday)? I was beginning to enjoy the reason to skip church that Iowa basketball was giving me on a bi-weekly basis this past year. [Yes, I am being sarcastic.]

And only 2 games for Iowa that start at 8 pm on a weeknight (one at Illinois, and one in Carver v. Michigan)? I guess the athletic department really is getting serious about this new “selling tickets” thing.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Aug 19, 2009 9:33 PM CDT reply actions  

Jim Sullivan article.

Apparently, the ire of BHGP is enough to make my hometown Courier remove his article before I got a chance to look at / ridicule it at 9:30 tonight.

Congrats to you, HS, on apparently having entered the “media influence” zone.

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.

-- Judge Smails

by WaterlooChazz on Aug 19, 2009 9:36 PM CDT reply actions  

The MANCOTT Must Continue

Well, Iowa got snubbed once again in the Nagurski Rankings for the Nation’s Best Defensive Player. No mention of Pat Angerer, or Amari Spivey on that watch list prior to the season beginning. I can’t believe they wouldn’t put a guy down with such a “peaceful” last name. The full list is here.

They took the bar, the whole damn bar!

by recoveringfratguy on Aug 19, 2009 11:19 PM CDT reply actions  

Isn't that award named after a former Gopher?

I just assumed we had a permanent MANCOTT in effect already.

by RossWB on Aug 20, 2009 11:08 AM CDT up reply actions  

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