Big Screen Talkin', With Bob Bruce and Ed Helms

Iconbobbruce_medium Hi, people, and welcome to another episode of Big Screen Talkin'! I'm your host as always, Bob Bruce, and we've got a great guest today! But I'm sure you'd watch just for me!

Iconbobbruce_medium (mugs obnoxiously for the camera)

Iconbobbruce_medium Please welcome Ed Helms!

Iconedhelms_medium Hi, hello everybody.

Iconbobbruce_medium Now Ed, people know you from "The Office," but for my money, your best work was as a reporter on Jon Stewart's groundbreaking news show, "The Daily Show." Why switch from journalism to comedy?

Iconedhelms_medium Well, it's funny, we're ostensibly a comedy show, but Jon does a good job of

Iconbobbruce_medium I see what you did there!

Iconedhelms_medium Hmm?

Iconbobbruce_medium "It's funny"! And then you said comedy! You are a laugh riot!

Iconedhelms_medium Oh, okay, sure.

Iconbobbruce_medium I like Samantha B. What does the B stand for? I think it stands for gut-Busting hilarious!

Iconedhelms_medium Wouldn't that be... that wouldn't be a B.

Iconbobbruce_medium "Be a B"! You are too much!

Iconedhelms_medium Right. Um. I have a movie I kind of want to talk about, if you don't mind.

Iconbobbruce_medium "B.B." is my initials! I had a middle name, but for my 30th birthday, my wife altered my birth certificate! We have since divorced!

Iconedhelms_medium My, uh... she did what to your birth certificate? Never mind. The movie is called "Cedar Rapids," actually.

Iconbobbruce_medium My staff tells me that, as it turns out, your movie shares a name with a famous city!

Iconedhelms_medium Yes, we named it after the city in Iowa, Cedar Rapids.

Iconbobbruce_medium I'm borderline retarded on a house cat's scale of intelligence, to say nothing of human, and I think that a "Cedar Rapids" movie is a fantastic idea!

Iconedhelms_medium Is that a good thing, or shou

Iconbobbruce_medium But you're also working on another project!

Iconedhelms_medium Well, yes, now that you mention it, I am. I don't really like to talk about movies that are still being written, much less in production or

Iconbobbruce_medium C'mon, Bobbo's your friend!

Iconedhelms_medium I mean, there's no title yet or anything

Iconbobbruce_medium TELL ME, DOGNARDS FROM THE OFFICE, TELL ME

Iconedhelms_medium Well, all right, otherwise this interview will be even more intolerable and unfunny.

Iconbobbruce_medium (mugs for the camera)

Iconedhelms_medium I am currently writing with script partner Jake Fleisher an untitled Civil War comedy for Warner Bros. I intend to star, and my "The Office" co-star Steve Carell is producing through his Warner Bros.-based Carousel banner.

Iconbobbruce_medium A Civil War comedy? Sign me up for the North, because I'm hitching my wagon to this winner!

Iconedhelms_medium I... what?

Iconbobbruce_medium The North won the Civil War, Ed Helm, and I for one think we're all a little better off for it.

Iconbobbruce_medium (grins like an idiot)

Iconedhelms_medium I don't think we really need a basic history lesson; the movie's not really about--

Iconbobbruce_medium Tell me more about the movie! What's the plot?

Iconedhelms_medium What? We would never even give that away even if the movie were finished and in theaters, that's not the point of

Iconbobbruce_medium Well, give us something!

Iconedhelms_medium I already did!

Iconbobbruce_medium Give us more! Do something like as if you're doing the voiceover for a commercial, then, how would it go?

Iconedhelms_medium Oh, okay, I can do that. Okay, hmm, it would probably go like this.

Iconedhelms_medium THIS SUMMER

Iconedhelms_medium ED HELMS

Iconedhelms_medium IS

Iconedhelms_medium CORNSHOE HAMMAKER

Iconbobbruce_medium Oh, fun! Go into character for us, won't you?

Iconedhelms_medium I'm not sure that's a good id

Iconbobbruce_medium (mugs for the camera again)

Iconedhelms_medium ...that's an awesome idea actually

Iconcornshoes_medium Cornshoe reporting for duty!

Iconbobbruce_medium Wheeee! Have you ever seen one of these things? Say something into the microphone! It's from the future! Do you know what the future is???

Iconcornshoes_medium That's no microphone, Robert.

Iconbobbruce_medium It feels heavy, actually. Wait a second, my microphone turned into a Civil War cannon!

Iconcannon_medium BOOM

Iconbobbruce_medium (mugging head flies a good 300 yards to the horror and delight of the audience)

Iconcornshoes_medium Yeeee-ha! Cornshoe Hammaker is a untamed mustang!

Iconzombielincoln_medium You scoundrel!

Iconcornshoes_medium (gasp) Zombie Lincoln!

Iconzombielincoln_medium I will avenge my death and retrieve the treasure map so I can finally get Dracula's gold!

Iconjoepa_medium I HATE ABE SO MUCH, GET HIM CORNSHOE

Iconcornshoes_medium Hello, Joseph! Let's take down a traitor once and for all! One thing's for sure about Abe Lincoln, he's no Ronald Reagan!

Iconjoepa_medium OH GOD CORNSHOE YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PERSON OF ALL TIMES

Iconjoepa_medium NOTHING BUT GOAT SPIT AND INDUSTRIAL TAR RUNNING THROUGH THOSE VEINS

Iconjoepa_medium CERTAINLY NOT A DROP OF THE SPANIARD'S BLOOD

Iconcornshoes_medium You're right, Paterno! Let's take down Zombie Lincoln together, that evil menace!

Iconzombielincoln_medium Whaaaat? Two upon one isn't sporting!

Iconjoepa_medium CORNSHOE, I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND IF I PURSUE THE ZOMBIE ON ALL FOURS, I'M LIKE A CHEETAH WHEN I RUN

Iconcornshoes_medium Why, I was just wondering what I'd do with this saddle that would fit perfectly on that strong, not-at-all-wrought-by-osteoporosis back of yours!

Iconjoepa_medium HOP ON AND LET'S PURSUE VICTORY

Iconcornshoes_medium YEEEEEE-HAAA! Cornshoe Hammaker rides again!

Iconjoepa_medium (gallops after the fear-stricken Zombie Lincoln)

Jaypa_medium Awww, look at him.

Jaypa_medium Psst! Secretary!

Iconsecretary_medium Hmmm?

Jaypa_medium C'mere. You should see this.

Iconjoepa_medium SNOOOOOOORE

Iconsecretary_medium Awwww! Look at the big boss!

Jaypa_medium Shhh! He's sleeping! And he's moving his little arms like a dog does!

Iconsecretary_medium That's so adorable.

Jaypa_medium I wonder what he's dreaming about.

Iconjoepa_medium (pulls off Zombie Lincoln's mask)

Iconcornshoes_medium You're not the 16th President! You're Bobby Bowden!

Iconjoepa_medium WE HAVE YOU NOW YOU SAVAGE

Iconbowden_medium Dadgum mubberjub bungleswarp

Iconcornshoes_medium Eat cannon, you festering slave-owner!

Iconcannon_medium BOOM

Iconbowden_medium (head totally explodes into a fine red mist)

Iconsecretary_medium I bet he's just dreaming about football.

Jaypa_medium Yeah, probably. Good ol' Dad.

Iconcornshoes_medium I say, did you see this telegram? You're not the father of this Jay Paterno fellow! Your wife was just a common harlot! I believe you've got legal grounds for a divorce now, good fellow!

Iconjoepa_medium THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

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