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I'm About To Blow Your Mind

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More photos » Charlie Neibergall - AP

Okay, you know how people are all down on Todd Lickliter for the poor performance of the basketball team over the last couple years? And then The Day of the Wailing and Gnashing of the Teeth? You know how people don't think he'll go down in history as a Hawkeye legend?

Our question to you is... what if he already has??

Star-divide

We've debated for weeks how to handle the information we've gathered but we're ready to go public with this. You'll want to sit down when you read this: Todd Lickliter is Nile Kinnick.

Yuuuup.

Evidence #1: Have you ever seen them in the same room at the same time? No, nobody has.

Evidence #2: Nile's body was never recovered. After the Rooskies shot down his F-14 over the Iowa River, crews allegedly found the airplane, but not the big guy himself. Seems a little convenient.

Evidence #3: Todd Lickliter is older now than Nile was when he vanished. Like, a lot older. I think Todd Lickliter's like 80 or something.

Evidence #4: Butler University is a fraud. How did nobody do the research on this? You don't need a degree to become a butler! Doy! I called the university and asked them how many alumni they placed into the servitude of rich people, and they hung up on me! Plus how can a butler play basketball in one of his butler tuxedos? That would be so stupid.

Evidence #5: Guess what happens when you rearrange the letters in "Legendary Kinnick Stadium." Yup. It spells Todd Lickliter.

Evidence #6: Hmm, this all seems so familiar. Remember when Nile was still playing at Iowa those few years ago? The knock on him was that he was one of the smallest, slowest players on the team, but he was very smart and ended up playing the game better than anyone else? Who does that sound like?

Evidence #7: "YOU GOT NILED!" That's reportedly Todd Lickliter's catchphrase whenever he makes a nice shot at Finkbine. Coincidence? No such thing.

Evidence #8: A picture says lots of words. Take a closer look at Kinnick accepting that trophy way back when:

Yougotniled_medium
Simply shocking.

All in all, this is a bad way for Kinnick to go out. As they say, "The Nile's not just a river in Egypt!" We appreciate him wanting to do more for the school in the twilight of his life, but "Kinnickliter" just isn't cut out to be a basketball coach.

Maybe he could replace Ferentz at least. That guy sure scares me.

1 recs  |  Comment 11 comments |

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It's all so clear now!

I can’t believe I didn’t put it all together sooner. I feel so naieve!
I mean, I guess deep down I knew all along, but just maybe wasn’t really ready to face the reality and the mounds of evidence staring me in the face this whole time. But now that it’s all been laid out so cogently with all the evidence clearly enumerated… it’s like that time a few years ago when Science found out that Gary Shandling is the Lindberg Baby – it was so obvious we all just missed it.

Thanks OPS!

by Bucketochicken on Jun 11, 2009 2:13 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Is it bad...

that I tried to rearrange the letters in Legendary Kinnick Stadium to make Todd Lickliter?

by south_texas_hawk on Jun 11, 2009 2:28 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Is it bad that I was about to point out that Nile Kinnick “died” (Did he???) in 1943, and the F-14 didn’t make its first flight until 1970?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PRIDE, DANNY?

"I hope after touchdowns this year all our players just point at Zug." - jtothep

by ReadingRambler on Jun 11, 2009 2:48 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Nile Kinnick had a secretary named Lickliter
Todd Lickliter had a secretary named Kinnick

by Cairo on Jun 11, 2009 2:51 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Mind blown.

Here’s another strange coincidence.

An anagram for Todd Lickliter is “I’d trick old LET,” LET being a Czech aircraft manufacturer. Could it have something to do with Cold War espionage and assumed identities?

by rockyh on Jun 11, 2009 3:11 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Most rational and convincing conspiracy theory I've ever heard

Change these hundreds for me cashier, Cuz I ain't made it yet, but I'm better off than last year
And what it look like hun', I ain't never made it rain but it look like fun
-Drake, Still Drake

by shake n bake on Jun 11, 2009 6:29 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

einhorn is finkel

finkel is einhorn. einhorn is a man

by 2mannings1cup on Jun 11, 2009 7:43 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

hmmm

i think you guys might be on to something.

by iowahawkeyes on Jun 12, 2009 1:06 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

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