Wow, That's a Really Nice Record--Hey, Wait a Damn Minute
by Adam Jacobi on Jun 10, 2009 3:57 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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PrintOver there in the Fan!Post!s, PantherHawk noticed The Brew Crew Report, the official blog of Play4Brew.com.
On it, Brewster has helpfully included a nice, short resume in image file form, which we're happy to pass along here.
Ahem. Brewster's record most certainly isn't 113-61-1, mainly because he hasn't coached anywhere near 175 games. 8-17 is the correct answer (on that note: LOL). There are only a few possibilities as to why he's trying to pull this off.
1) He's taking credit for Mack Brown's wins at Texas and UNC. That would be the most plausible excuse, as well as the height of toomuchery. Those aren't your wins, man! Being that Brewster was never higher in the Mack Brown hierarchy than "tight ends coach," padding his own stats with Texas' wins seems like juuust a bit of a stretch.
2) He's including his dynasty on NCAA 09. This, too, shouldn't count, especially because Brewster's created coach isn't himself, it's a fictional old fat guy named Biff Boswell, and whenever Brewster pretends to be the coach and give a "press conference" while he's playing, he always uses a weird Foghorn Leghorn voice, which irritates his wife to no end.
3) doodoopoop. doodoopoop.
4) He's also managing the Minnesota Twins. Being that they're both Metrodome-based, this makes sense, and BHGP has long held that Ron Gardenhire is a hologram like in that one really shitty Al Pacino movie with the CGI chick who never takes her top off or shows full frontal, even though c'mon, you shouldn't get a rated R thing for that because they're not actual boobs. Stupid movie.
Or, we suppose the real answer might be as simple as 5) Tim Brewster is plain fucko retarded. The fact that he misspelled Chris Simms' and Mack Brown's names on his own promotional material directly supports this idea. Still, this answer is the least satisfying of the five, and as always, we're more than receptive to hearing your theories in the comments below.
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My theory
This is clearly not Brewster. He has been hacked! Again!
My evidence? How many exclamation points are there in this bio?
Clearly this is the work of people who don’t HATE!! Losing!! more than they LOVE!! Winning!!! or are not !!Flat out-working other!!! coaches in recruiting!!! or LISTENING!!! TO BEACH MUSIC!!!!!!
No one has!!! better weather right now!!!!!!!!!!!
by Internet Legend on Jun 10, 2009 4:33 PM CDT reply actions
Is BHGP turning into a Gopher blog?
Lately you guys seem to be posting more about the Gophers and your man crush Tim Brewster than you report on the Hawkeyes. Keep it up, we appreciate the pub!
A man-crush.
Yes. That’s what it is, a man-crush.
by Bucketochicken on Jun 10, 2009 4:41 PM CDT up reply actions
No, its just the offseason. Luckily Brewster trips over himself in finding new ways to embarrass himself, and therefore entertain others not trapped in Minnesota, to no end.
Vince Young and Chris Simms are NFL stars?
For the sake of everyone’s entertainment, I hope Joel Maturi signs this tardrocket to a lifetime extension.
by Twin Cities Hawk on Jun 10, 2009 5:03 PM CDT reply actions
A S1m0ne reference?
Are you fucking kidding me? Also, I thought the Minnesota Sport Information machine recognized Brewster as undefeated in his Gopher coaching career.
I think...
that he takes the score from his last big ten game of the season doubles the numbers and adds it to his record. Then forgets some of his other acutal wins. so yeah this year 110-0 got added.
BTW
Brewster claiming a 113-61-1 record is pretty lame. He definitely fabricates things at times and I agree that he does give you a lot of material to work with!
All of this Brewster bashing...
It’s making me frowm. Brewster is a renowmed recruiter, one of the best aroumd. It’s a simmple fact that he’s an immprovement over Mason.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Jun 10, 2009 10:56 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
You mean Glen Masom, right?
King of the Music City Bowl…
Ah, Brew… if BTN continues their The Journey show, there’s no question that Minnesota will be on it at some point very soon, right? That is a match made in heaven right there.
Welp...
facepalm
Christ. He’s not Mason, so he’s got that going for him. Which is nice. But how the hell do you keep doing things like this? Is Tommy Flanagan (think Lovitz) his publicist?
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Jun 11, 2009 10:33 AM CDT reply actions
Geogre O'Leary thinks this is a great idea
"From the outside looking in, you cannot understand it. From the inside looking out, you cannot explian it."
*George
Fuck
"From the outside looking in, you cannot understand it. From the inside looking out, you cannot explian it."
by psuphiman80 on Jun 11, 2009 10:54 AM CDT up reply actions
"A weird Foghorn Leghorn voice"
After winning vs. Syracuse 38-3 (on “Junior Varsity”) Lookit here son, I say, son, did ya see that Gopher go after them Syracuse fellers? He scared ‘em! Them Orangemen turned white. Then Red. Then blue. Syracuse. Red, white, and blue. That’s a joke, son. A flag waver. You’re built too low. The fast ones go over your head. Ya got a hole in your glove. I keep pitchin’ ‘em and you keep missin’ ’em. Ya gotta keep your eye on the ball. Eye. Ball. I almost had a gag, son. Joke, that is.
After losing to Northwestern even with all the AI settings turned down low What’s the big… I say, what’s the big idea tackling my Gophers? You’re a wildcat, son. Cat’s don’t eat gophers. You’re goin’ about it all wrong! I don’t go around chasin’ mice! Stand up boy, you’re trippin’ over your own feet. Now you stay away from gophers and I’ll stay away from mice. That’s fair and square, and if you’d stop all your arguin’ and jawin’, you’d see my side of it!
by rockyh on Jun 11, 2009 10:58 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Holy shit.....
And I thought I watched too many Saturday morning cartoons…. That was brilliant.
Hawks....yup, I like 'em
Can we make this a regular feature?
Columbus Hawkeye - Not letting his superlatives run away with him since 1983
by ColumbusHawkeye on Jun 11, 2009 12:05 PM CDT up reply actions
Well its really up to Brew...
But at this point, all signs point to yes. Can we get a confirmation from the moderators that Brewster doesnt have some kind of profit-sharing contract with this blog and its advertisers? Theres no way a real person could earnestly keep doing this….
Does it make it worse...
that he doesn’t even count all the games he was a coach? Assuming he only coached in college (which he didn’t) and every season comprised 11 games (which assumes no bowls and all his experience came before the 12th game was added the schedule, neither of which are true) he would have a minimum of 231 games. Yet, he has only 175 as his listed record. As disingenuous as it is to say your games as the tight end’s coach count for coaching record, shouldn’t it really be an all or none proposition?
Iowa Basketball: We don't rebuild, we implode.
by three and out the kok story on Jun 11, 2009 12:55 PM CDT reply actions
Not removed, just taken off the front page of that blog.
http://www.play4brew.com/umFinal.html
Head coaching record of 8-16 (.333)
Overall collegiate coaching record of 120-67-1 (.638)
8-16 ?
I wonder which loss he’s leaving out of that statistic. Ah say, statistic.
by rockyh on Jun 11, 2009 4:47 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
That is awe inspiring.
Of course, they will make up some excuse such as not-counting the bowl game or that it could be any game. However, we all know the real story. This is twice that Brewster and his cronies have refused to recognize the game. It’s almost as if he thinks that by never acknowledging the game it will be as though it never really happened, that it was really nothing more than an figment of our collective imagination.
Actually, better yet. Maybe the Minnesota’s webmaster is really secret-agent KOK on a mission to destroy Brewster’s credibility, give the team some bulletin board material or, maybe, just maybe, to give BHGP something talk about during the off-season.
Iowa Basketball: We don't rebuild, we implode.
by three and out the kok story on Jun 11, 2009 5:37 PM CDT up reply actions
One helluva recruiter.
Chris Sims AND Alge Crumple
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Jun 12, 2009 9:13 AM CDT reply actions
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