Good Heavens, Those Arrested Players Sure Were Drunk
by Adam Jacobi on Apr 6, 2009 10:24 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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You can't put three mugshots on top of each other like that, P-C. It makes us do this.
More details are out about the arrests of James Ferentz, Tyler Christensen, and Zach Derby. No, nobody was streaking, but the brahsomeness was strong--strong... to quite strong--with these three:
According to University of Iowa Department of Public Safety Associate Director Bill Searls and criminal complaints, Zachary Merlin Derby, 19, and Tyler Allen Christiansen, 19, both of Hillcrest Residence Hall, approached an off-duty UI police officer and attempted to pick a fight with him. The incident happened about 2 a.m. in the Old Capitol Parking Ramp.
[...]
After being read his Miranda rights, police said Christensen admitted breaking off the arm of a parking ramp gate at the parking ramp.
Searls said while officers were speaking with Derby and Christensen, James Ferentz, 19, also of Hillcrest Residence Hall, came out of the parking lot and was “yelling and screaming,” though not necessarily at anyone. According to police reports, Ferentz had watery eyes and smelled of alcohol. Police said Ferentz had a blood-alcohol level of .160.
.160. That's twice the legal limit for driving. Impressive. Your move, Derby and Christensen.
Police said Derby had a blood-alcohol level between .207 and .211 percent.
HELLO! .211 is a special kind of drunk. At .211, it's lights out, turn on the Auto-Pilot, and pray nobody ends up dead.
You'll notice that Ferentz and Derby, despite blowing astronomical BACs, didn't get criminal mischief charges. Hell, Derby blows over the freaking Mendoza line, and he's not the wild one. Tragically, Christensen declined a breathalyzer test, so we don't get a number to put to this. We'll just say he'd have blown a NINE THOUSAND and roll with that instead.
Also, last weird detail: Ferentz and Derby pled not guilty. Um, good luck with that, guys.
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If running around a parking ramp yelling and screaming at no one while drunk off your ass is wrong
I don’t want to be right.
I got Summer hatin' on me cuz I'm hotter than the sun. Spring hatin' on me cuz I ain't never sprung
Winter hatin' on me cuz I'm colder than Y'all. And I will never, I will never, I will never Fall.
-Lil Wayne, Mr. Carter
Of course they pleaded not guilty
we all know that a rogue bartender put that liquor in their drinks. About a dozen times each.
That guy is an asshole.
I’d also like to know the, well, we’ll call it “thought process” Christensen went through refusing the breathalyzer as the smart thing to do, but admitting to the cops he snapped off a parking ramp arm after being read his rights. I’m thinking admitted = threatened to snap the cops like the arm. Possibly with the arm.
He just happened to be hanging out off-duty in plain clothes downtown at 2 a.m. Monday morning with a radio?
I’m just curious if the off-duty UI cop identified himself as a cop, if he incited or insulted the miscreants, if there is now a new sport of poaching bagging oversized guys in the wee hours. Because it’s a little weird how an off-duty cop is just hanging around a parking garage at 2 a.m. on Monday morning with radio access to his brethren. (I guess it could have been his cell phone in hand.)
If so I would advise my son to plead innocent — before I pulled him out of school for a year, moved him into his new bedroom in an unheated/cooled garage at home, and advised him he’d be cutting the grass with sewing scissors this summer, while having him read 50 or so biographies of famously alcoholic people who ruined their own lives. Hah-hah, it’s so cool to get wasted and stumble around downtown. That’s surely an important rite of passage, as important as, say, studying.
Once upon a time, the IC Police Chief was exposed by the local paper for beating up vagrants in the drunk tank. He was demoted as a result. The chief was Pat McCarney. The response by the PD was to tell the editor that his own teenage children had best not make a single mistake ever in IC. I’m very skeptical, based on reports, that this stupid situation needed to be escalated in this fashion.
But who really knows?
Mr. Boh Knows ...
Not to imply a cop would do something illegal (because we all know that would *NEVER* happen...),
…but my guess is if said “off-duty” cop really was off -duty, then he was probably in there scoring some coke or getting a bj, and panicked and called his on-duty brethern to distract from his own illegal activities.
I suppose he might have just gotten off duty immediately before the incident and was just walking to his car to go home……… buuuuuuut I’m gonna go ahead and stick with my coke/bj theory.
Also (and this should go w/out saying), I am in no way justifying the players’ actions or behaviors, yadda yadda yadda.
by Bucketochicken on Apr 7, 2009 10:50 AM CDT up reply actions
Not that cops/rent-a-cops can't be assholes
but I’m not sure that’s the case here. It sounds like the parking garage where they were getting rowdy was the Old Capital parking ramp, which is right next to the new UI Public Safety office, I believe.
Ah, ok. So maybe it was someone who had just gotten off duty & was on his way home.
…after scoring an 8-ball and a beej, of course.
by Bucketochicken on Apr 7, 2009 11:14 AM CDT up reply actions
The best part?
came out of the parking lot and was "yelling and screaming," though not necessarily at anyone.
Little Jimmy Ferentz was yelling and screaming just to yell and scream, drunk off his ass. That, my friends, is how college drunkenness is done without violence or inappropriate (quality ball) touching. I think.
www.wewillalwayshavetempe.com
See, that's where I think this thing starts to smell fishy
“Yelling and screaming” but not actually at anyone? That sounds… odd, to say the least. At the very least, it’s a rather inartful choice of words by the police to say James came out of the parking lot singing “Who Let The Dogs Out” at the top of his lungs.
If it’s Ferentz’s contention that he wasn’t, in fact, engaging in disruptive behavior (perhaps the yelling was toward his friends and the police to see what the hell they were doing? maybe, I’m spitballing here), then I could see why he entered that not guilty plea. He won’t win, not in a million years, mind you. But I think I see what he might be thinking.
I mean, seriously, that sounds so much more like “police guy overstates police report details just because he can” than like actual human behavior, blitzed or otherwise.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
You nailed it.
This all feels very familiar. Here’s how it went down:
They were doing what drunk kids do at 2am: singing, shouting, enjoying themselves rather loudly. Par for the course. The “cop” witnessed this “disruptive behavior” and approached them. Maybe he simply asked them to keep it down, but my money says he got all smart-ass on them because he knew they would get up in his face and he had nothing to lose. In fact, he knew he would get bonus points for an easy call-in arrest.
The kids pleaded not-guilty because they weren’t doing anything wrong and it was a bullshit charge, but OPS is right when he says there isn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that they beat it. The cop has ZERO burden of proof for public intox. All he has to do is show up at court and show the judge their B.A.C.’s. Plus he can throw in the part about how they were “screaming at no one” and how they “got aggresive with him when he politely asked them to keep it down.” Fuck that guy.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 9, 2009 9:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Well, to be fair
It’s not like none of them were doing anything wrong; one of the kids took out the arm on that parking ramp thing, after all. They were probably being obnoxiously loud to boot.
I just see some language in the police report that reminds me a lot more of what cops say to solidify their case than of what drunk people do. The sort of stuff that a 3rd party witness would have seen differently.
And they’ll still get convicted and it’ll still be the right call, of course.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
But the 'cop' didn't witness them breaking the parking arm
That came out later when one of the dipshits admitted it. So he didn’t see them doing anything wrong other than being loud, drunk underage kids. But yeah, even though it’s a victimless crime, they were still breaking the law. That was their own stupid fault. They have no defense against the charges. Case closed in that respect.
My problem is that these guys were probably on their way home anyway so he could have just let them be on their way instead of getting involved. Also, the way the report is worded (like you said, to solidify his case) fucking pisses me off.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 10, 2009 12:50 PM CDT up reply actions
Yeah, it's the run-of-the-mill, normal course, 2 a.m. shift change.
If for some very strange reason, it wasn’t a shift change, because no one changes shifts at 2 a.m., I’m just curious what the cop blew on his sobriety test. Because I don’t think he was at the library reading the Economist until 2.a.m. I think you had a drunk pseudo-cop exchanging pleasantries with drunk boys, and then, hah-hah, calling in the calvary to finish the fight for him. But maybe not.
Anyway the athletes are responsible for where they were and what they were doing. They’re not, not guilty of that.
Mr. Boh Knows ...
Kevin Grady laughs at your 0.207 and 0.211 percents.
Try topping a BAC of 0.281. I think he was chugging turpentine. We’re talking “very special episode of Family Ties” level of drunk.
I could blow a .207 on Friday morning after a good bar night in State College.
Nothing that bad IMO…suspend for first 2 games and some community service.
Atleast our players will use drunken rage in a better format, we like to break into parties, beat the hell out of people, and WOOOOOO like Ric Flair…that is class.
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