3rd Party Arbitration
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 6, 2009 7:34 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Game Threads
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PrintHere's the situation. I put together an NCAA tournament pool amongst a few of my friends. There were 7 of us and we each 'drafted' 9 teams and got points based on their seeds and how far they got. Anyway, barring an upset it looks as though the pool is all wrapped up.
Now, to understand why this is a problem you need some more background information. I also set up a College Football Pick 'Em league last fall. The person who is winning the basketball pool, we'll call him "Blaine," was also a participant in the Football Pick 'Em. He did shitty the first week and then didn't bother to enter his picks for the rest of the season. He believed that by quitting in week 2, it absolved him from paying the winner at the end. Clearly I disagree.
So back to the basketball pool.....it appears that he is going to win. As the 'commisioner' I have collected everyone's money. Except his. He emailed me on Friday to ask what my address was because he became suddenly motivated to pay once he realized he was probably going to win. But then he came to the conclusion that the money wouldn't get here by today anyway so he would just wait to see whether he won or not. Strike 2, fucker.
Here is a short list of his other crimes against humanity.
1) Looks like this guy.
2) Drives an Audi
3) Dances like he has epilepsy. Sometimes to MC Hammer.
4) Owns a bowflex.
5) Wears the little *NSYNC earpiece while he plays XBox online.
6) Tried to fuck my sister in high school
Now, here's where I need your help. I can't just keep the money I've collected because that's not really fair since I didn't win. However, I don't think I could live with myself if I simply sent him the check for the full amount. I've come up with a few other ideas and I figure the best way to take care of this would be for you all to vote on how I should proceed. (Winning poll idea will be presented to BHGP Consulting for final approval.)
If there's one thing I know about you, the BHGP reader, it's that you consistantly exhibit sound and moral judgement.
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option h
tell him to go fuck himself, no pay no play.
2nd place is the winner or everyone gets their money back.
I got Summer hatin' on me cuz I'm hotter than the sun. Spring hatin' on me cuz I ain't never sprung
Winter hatin' on me cuz I'm colder than Y'all. And I will never, I will never, I will never Fall.
-Lil Wayne, Mr. Carter
That's pretty much what I was going to say
And in the future, he pays upfront or he’s not in at all.
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 6, 2009 9:17 PM CDT up reply actions
thirded
who joins a pay to play and doesn’t pay? no pay no play… I don’t care if you are going to win.
As Commish, you have to lay the smack down and show that turd who's boss!
Worked for Ferentz. Except on his own kid.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Apr 7, 2009 1:35 AM CDT up reply actions
Does he read the blog?
that would be the only explanation I can think of for the 1 “just pay him” vote.
I got Summer hatin' on me cuz I'm hotter than the sun. Spring hatin' on me cuz I ain't never sprung
Winter hatin' on me cuz I'm colder than Y'all. And I will never, I will never, I will never Fall.
-Lil Wayne, Mr. Carter
It's a bit like hooking up with a chick who has a mouth sore
and asking her to pay for your herpes meds. You should’ve known this could happen.
Buy him an f-ing star. Sending him a check every two weeks is too time-intensive and requires too much thought.
Wouldn't it be great
if the star that was purchased turns out to be special, like made of pure gold or something, and it becomes world famous. Then the whole world would be bound by a stupid offer on a TV commercial to refer to it as the Planet Peniseater. Ah, a man can dream, can’t he?
by shada's revenge on Apr 6, 2009 9:56 PM CDT up reply actions
True, but I would definitely give up after like 2 checks.
Maybe the 2nd one can be a “poo check”
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 6, 2009 9:57 PM CDT up reply actions
You could automatically schedule them from your Online Banking account
Are you a Bellco member? I used to work for them. I saw everything that went wrong there, so I wouldn’t recommend becoming a member. Or using a VISA card; regardless of who it’s from.
How is Pubecheck in fourth place?
It’s like I don’t even know you people anymore.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
I like where your head is at
Maybe if the “send multiple checks wins” I’ll do a pubecheck followed by a poocheck followed by a……..well I guess we’d have to go back to the pubes at that point.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 6, 2009 10:41 PM CDT up reply actions
because we're dumb
My thought was, “Well, he could just remove the scotch tape and deliver it pubeless.” After I thought about it, removing the tape would mean he’d have to dispose of a handful of dudepubes.
There’s where the genius lies: in the details.
Because buying people stars is hilarious
At least to me. I got one of those from my rich, completely insane uncle as a birthday present (when I was 13 and thus at least 7 years too old to think having a star named after me was cool) and I will not rest until everyone in the world can experience that particular brand of disappointment.
On the other hand, if he had used the phrase “Pubecheck” in the poll, there’s a decent chance I vote for it.
I'm also going with the star.
The guy is an obvious douchewaffle. The star gives him nothing. Not even Hy-Vee coupons. Fuck ’em.
"Never. We would never shoot nuclear weapons at Decepticons." -- Gen. Jack Jacobs
by Run Up The Score on Apr 7, 2009 5:57 PM CDT up reply actions
Pubecheck into 2nd
don’t underestimate what the readers will do for your love.
I got Summer hatin' on me cuz I'm hotter than the sun. Spring hatin' on me cuz I ain't never sprung
Winter hatin' on me cuz I'm colder than Y'all. And I will never, I will never, I will never Fall.
-Lil Wayne, Mr. Carter
by shake n bake on Apr 6, 2009 11:17 PM CDT up reply actions
But 2 more assholes voted for just pay him
Never underestimate the power of assholes with computers.
Although really, we’re all proof of that.
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 7, 2009 12:34 AM CDT up reply actions
I would go a different route.
Ask him to remit payment for both the football and basketball leagues. Once he has done that then send him his payment in pennies and Japanese Yen
Do you know where he works?
I’d hire a couple crackheads to beat the shit out of him when he comes out of work. Then have them cover his car in oven cleaner or paint thinner.
If there’s anything left, use it hire a professional whore to suck his cock, snowball him, and give him canceraids.
Be decisive. He took your inaction on the football pool as a sign of weakness. You have to send a message.
Remember he has a Bowflex
So they would have to be pretty strong crackheads. Do they even have those?
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 7, 2009 1:08 PM CDT up reply actions
AbsoTootley
It was HFMR’s lack of decisive action in the first fantasy game that has led to this. A Commish must rule with an iron fist.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Apr 7, 2009 2:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Isn't that what I'm doing?
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 7, 2009 3:34 PM CDT up reply actions
Yes
And for the record, if you don’t take my suggestion [above], I say you take “Blaine’s” money for the basketball pool, give it to the guy that won the football pool, then take the remaining money from the basketball pool and send it to the guy that finished second.
This idea works out perfectly for me because I got second in the basketball pool.
And I’m already holding all the money. Maybe I should just keep things simple.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 8, 2009 10:37 AM CDT up reply actions
Why the hell is the $4.03 check every few weeks winning?
That sounds suspiciously like work.
For the record, I voted for Pubecheck, even before OPS made his plea. Pubes are funny. The only downside to that approach is that then some poor bank teller would have to handle pubes, too.
I voted for dick pictures. Although I would have voted for either “tell him to go fuck himself”, or “charitable donation in his name, with address, phone number and email to the men/boy love association”. You know the $4.03 check every few weeks will be funny once, then just a fucking pain. Plus, guys like this would just deposit them without a 2nd thought anyway.
I would have voted for give money to 2nd place guy
or: keep $ as down payment on all future fantasy leagues
THE REAL STORY
Dear HFMR,
I’m sorry for beating you at every competition we have ever had including drunkin beer chug golf tee off challenge in Denver. You still haven’t chugged that last beer you fucking pussy. Chug it right now. I think it was Coors and you do still have to tee off right after finishing ( i don’t care if you’re at work).
Alright, Alright who wants to take a trip down bitter avenue? Let’s go ahead and go through every lie that was given by HFMR. First off, the football pool never even happened. One person sent in money (not including HFMR who “collects” the money) and only the two of them played. HFMR lost to the other person (imagine that) and i paid the other person with beer and shots the next time i saw him. So i did pay. End of story.
1) Looks like this guy Yes, i do shave my head and i have a way awesome beard.
2) Drives an Audi Fucking True and i love german shit videos
3) Dances like he has epilepsy. Sometimes to MC Hammer. Yes, that night was awesome
4) Owns a bowflex. Also true and highly recommend
5) Wears the little *NSYNC earpiece while he plays XBox online. FALSE
6) Tried to fuck my sister in high school true and i would have except HFMR’s mother broke down the door and wouldn’t leave the room until i left which makes for an absolutely hilarious story every once in while (i might tell it some other time)
As far as the NCAA draft tourney is concerned there were no rules and/or stipulations as far as when the money had to be mailed in. HFMR doesn’t live down the street. He lives in another state…2 states away. The check was mailed prior to the end of the tourney.
For the record…NO ONE mailed their money prior to the start of the tourney. BTW i all but won the pool the opening weekend. i didn’t feel there was any rush to mail the check.
P.S. HFMR ramped 2 of my cars in HS off of cliffs and caused damage. He owes me…and i’m sure i can think up a few dozen other things he owes as well.
This dude owns
Pay the man. Even if it’s not actually the guy you’re talking about.
No he doesn't. That is easily the most words he has ever typed at once. Stop encouraging him.
“the football pool never even happened” – Yes it did
“One person sent in money” – Everyone but you
“HFMR lost to the other person” – Right. I got 2nd. You owe me $20.
“i paid the other person with beer and shots” – big dumb lie
“there were no rules and/or stipulations as far as when the money had to be mailed” – the problem is that you weren’t going to send the fucking money at all….you only pretended to make an effort once you had the pool locked up.
“He lives in another state…2 states away” – postal service, shitface
“HFMR ramped 2 of my cars in HS off of cliffs and caused damage” – It was a ditch and there was little or no damage
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 7, 2009 4:52 PM CDT up reply actions
Bitter party of one
Why would i owe you $20 even if your fucking lie is true? Wasn’t the football pool $10?
i absolutely paid my buddy with beer and mutliple shots.
Ok, you fucked up dude. “the problem is that you weren’t going to send the fucking money at all….you only pretended to make an effort once you had the pool locked up.”
Answer this question HFMR: did i have the pool 100% locked up before i sent the cash?
I don't know. I have no evidence of you sending any cash.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 7, 2009 5:06 PM CDT up reply actions
Listen, there's no reason to get all aggressive
Just vote for how you want me to make the payment and hopefully that option will win.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 7, 2009 5:09 PM CDT up reply actions
i did vote
for stop being a bitter dick and pay him his money.
ok, ok the next time i visit you i’ll let you beat me at something. Fair?
..and did you chug that coors and tee off yet?
So, you voted for Nader......
You should have at least chose something that has a shot at winning
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 7, 2009 5:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Fine
Have your fun and allow these Innocent uninformed bystanders to decide the fate of the one true 402 2009 NCAA Basketball Draft Tourney Champion. I’m still a winner in my own heart and in the hearts and minds of the participants…Except you HFMR. maybe someday you’ll see who you’re hurting with your childish antics. America. That’s right, God Bless America.
BTW tell your mom i ended up fucking your sister in college anyways and i hope you have to send a check every two weeks. Next time i see you AMERICA will punch you so fucking hard you will wish that i wasn’t so god damn good at picking 12 seeds you son of a bitch. I truly mean you’re a son of a Karen. Ok Love you.
Take it easy
You know the LAST thing you want to do is get into a who-fucked-whose-sister-the-most-times argument with me.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 7, 2009 5:55 PM CDT up reply actions 7 recs
this might be the single best rebuttal in the history of debate
by the way, pics or none of the sister-fucking happened on either side.
by The JuggerNitt on Apr 8, 2009 11:26 AM CDT up reply actions
One glaring error with the site
Giving the most highly recommended comments their own little icon would be fantastic, except for the fact that it looks like SBN ripped off RottenTomatoes.com’s icon for “shitty review”:
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
by Adam Jacobi on Apr 8, 2009 1:54 PM CDT up reply actions 3 recs
rec that to see them side by side
I got Summer hatin' on me cuz I'm hotter than the sun. Spring hatin' on me cuz I ain't never sprung
Winter hatin' on me cuz I'm colder than Y'all. And I will never, I will never, I will never Fall.
-Lil Wayne, Mr. Carter
Isn't the 12-5 upset the most common of all NCAA tourney upsets?
Thus making your 12 seed genius considerably less spectacular than you believe it to be?
According to Midwestsportsfan:
Think the 12-seed upset theory is just a March Madness betting myth? Think again. No. 12s beat No. 5s 33% of the time – that’s one in three matchups, meaning online betting fans should expect at least one first-round upset every season.
¿Quieres chiclets?
by The Mexican't on Apr 7, 2009 7:23 PM CDT up reply actions
Good thing they explained that 33% is 1/3
I’m thinking if you can’t figure that out, you shouldn’t be betting
by chitownhawkeye on Apr 7, 2009 10:46 PM CDT up reply actions
We are going to need to see some numbers on the sisters
to settle this little fiesco. I need numbers damnit!!!
That was a fun little ride. I like how HFMR used his journalism efforts to keep people anonymous with “Blane”.
By the way I voted for pubecheck. You probably should send him a bunch of .25 cent pubechecks.
I figured the less letters I changed in his name
the less confusion it would cause for him
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 8, 2009 10:35 AM CDT up reply actions
oh hey, remember the time after the Outback Bowl
when you caught that football with your face?
That was a different guy
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Apr 8, 2009 10:47 AM CDT up reply actions
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