Here's the situation. I put together an NCAA tournament pool amongst a few of my friends. There were 7 of us and we each 'drafted' 9 teams and got points based on their seeds and how far they got. Anyway, barring an upset it looks as though the pool is all wrapped up.
Now, to understand why this is a problem you need some more background information. I also set up a College Football Pick 'Em league last fall. The person who is winning the basketball pool, we'll call him "Blaine," was also a participant in the Football Pick 'Em. He did shitty the first week and then didn't bother to enter his picks for the rest of the season. He believed that by quitting in week 2, it absolved him from paying the winner at the end. Clearly I disagree.
So back to the basketball pool.....it appears that he is going to win. As the 'commisioner' I have collected everyone's money. Except his. He emailed me on Friday to ask what my address was because he became suddenly motivated to pay once he realized he was probably going to win. But then he came to the conclusion that the money wouldn't get here by today anyway so he would just wait to see whether he won or not. Strike 2, fucker.
Here is a short list of his other crimes against humanity.
1) Looks like this guy.
2) Drives an Audi
3) Dances like he has epilepsy. Sometimes to MC Hammer.
4) Owns a bowflex.
5) Wears the little *NSYNC earpiece while he plays XBox online.
6) Tried to fuck my sister in high school
Now, here's where I need your help. I can't just keep the money I've collected because that's not really fair since I didn't win. However, I don't think I could live with myself if I simply sent him the check for the full amount. I've come up with a few other ideas and I figure the best way to take care of this would be for you all to vote on how I should proceed. (Winning poll idea will be presented to BHGP Consulting for final approval.)
If there's one thing I know about you, the BHGP reader, it's that you consistantly exhibit sound and moral judgement.
How should I remit payment?
Send full payment via a collection of pennies, chocolate coins and Hy-Vee Coupons (19 votes)
Send him a check for $4.03 every 2 weeks for a year. Post-date each one 6-7 weeks (54 votes)
Split the payment up into 6 checks and mail one to each of his neighbors. Include photos of dicks. Ask them to deliver it to his door (23 votes)
Sprinkle pubes all over the check and put scotch tape over it so he has to take it to the bank like that (40 votes)
Send the cash Ultra-Fast Overnight Guaranteed 8am delivery. Take the money it costs out of his winnings so he only ends up getting like $8 (27 votes)
Use the money to name a star after him. Use 'peniseater' as his middle name (38 votes)
Stop being a dick and just send him a check (8 votes)
209 total votes